SO barely communicated with me for 2-3 months. How would you feel?

[luv]

we've been together 3 years. since mid-December, he barely contacted me. I would say 2 or 3 texts a month, just to say what he was doing. no I love you's, no I miss you, no I wish you were here. I understand that he moved recently and doesn't have internet at his apartment, but it was extremely hurtful to me that he would not communicate with me.

I explained to him that communication is the one thing we have while we are apart that can help us maintain and strengthen our relationship. he doesn't really have much to say to this, he just says he is very stressed out with his phd thesis deadline. he keeps saying he still cares and that I am an important part of his life but I just don't believe it. if I was important, why wouldn't he make an effort to speak to me? sending an e-mail from work takes less than 5 minutes. but he says he doesn't even know what to say to me (how hurtful!).

I don't understand how he thought it would be okay to just cut me out of his life like this. I mean if he wanted to find a way to speak to me, wouldn't he have? it saddens me that people on here have skype dates and communicate regularly and I am just begging for some attention from my guy.

it has gotten me so depressed because I put a lot of effort to make our relationship work, including being the one to pay for myself to go visit him. this year I will not go and I made that clear to him.

there is no other woman. he told me this and I believe it. he is trustworthy enough that I don't doubt him.

the depression has gotten bad enough that I sent him an email today that I need my space because his on again-off again behavior is confusing me and frustrating me. I told him he takes me for granted and I am tired of it.

do I just need to move on? I put so much into this relationship, I have nothing left to give.

what kills me is that he is so aloof, I don't think he even realizes how much he has hurt me.

[Moon]

I hate to say it, and I'm really sorry, but I think at this point, you should consider the relationship over. I understand how difficult that is, but with technology these days, there is no other reason to not communicate with you. I know it hurts, but I think it's time to move on.

[kayla_622]

2-3 texts a month for the last 3 1/2 months...? That's not a relationship. That is a friend you keep in touch with out of courtesy. He definitely seems like he's not really into the relationship right now and doesn't have the time for it. I agree with Moon. Move on. You aren't happy. He doesn't have time for a relationship and doesn't care enough to make time for it. You'll be much better off and happier without having to deal with all the worry and stress.

[Hollandia]

I agree with the others. This sounds like a case of a "passive aggressive" break up. They want to break up but don't wish to be the one to do it. I am truly sorry, but I would just avoid them from this point on till they are ready to be honest about their feelings. Any further contact with him will only hurt you more. You deserve to be treated better.

[redapple]

I'm not excusing his behaviour BUT I'm currently writing up my PhD and its so unbelievably time consuming, I'm still communicating with my bf but its much less and yes given that my days are wake up write go to bed and repeat I haven't got a hell of a lot to say. It doesn't make it right for him to have not contacted you more than a (small) handful of times over a couple of months but I just thought I'd throw some perspective into it. You need to tell him that this is breaking point and you know he's stressed but he needs to be in touch at least two times a week via email/Skype ect (texts aren't enough IMO) or you don't consider yourself in a relationship. That's what I'd do anyway. Best of luck.

[Zapookie]

I think you've already answered your own questions. He could contact you more if he wanted to, but he isn't trying. Break up with him completely and find someone else worth your time and effort.

[JoeyBug]

I'm in two minds, whereas everyone is right that a few texts over that long a period is not a good sign, there's also that he is doing his PhD and that will take time. I know that in my LDR, some weeks we don't talk as much. We aim to talk on the phone at least once a week and email/text the rest of the time. we don't always manage to talk once a week as sometimes he or I are busy with other things. However, we are in a relationship and we are committed to each other. Life just sometimes gets in the way. I'd talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. Tell him that you've felt like he's not making time and give him a chance to explain himself. It may be that he is being passive aggressive about breaking up, but it may be that he's not realised how little time he has given you.

Ultimately it's up to you, you need to open up communication and make the decision if you feel you can go on like this. I'm sorry you're in such a sucky situation and I wish you the best of luck.