Horrible week & SO leaves on Tuesday

[Fabiana10c]

This week has been emotional draining. For starters, I finally built up the courage to talk to my mom and tell her that me and my SO wanted to start the process of getting him to move here. Well it was a train wreck. She flipped out claiming I'm too young and when I tried to explain the process can take years she wouldn't listen. Now she isn't talking to me and saying I'm being manipulated to get married. I mean lets be honest, who needs to be manipulated to get married and be close to their SO? Especially under these circumstances. To top things off my SO is leaving on Tuesday and I just feel too overwhelmed with emotions. We don't have a secure date on when we will see each other next, however I am planning on going this summer so that does make me feel better. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the situation with my mom? I don't understand why she has to make me suffer for, we're not going to breakup. It doesn't make sense to me if she didn't approve of this relationship she could have stopped it 5 years ago when I was a minor, not that she let us go back in forth to visit each other for extended periods of time and now she's saying we can't begin the process to have him come here? It just doesn't sit well with me.

[loneliestgirl]

So your Mom has been aware that you and your SO have to been together for 5 years? Has she met him before or knew how serious the relationship is?

I think you need to give your mom some space to cool down and wrap her head around it. I see that you are 21 and your mom probably still considers you a child or not quite an adult. She also probably has some apprehension of you getting married at your age no matter who your SO is or where they are from.

Honestly, you are of age...a legal adult. You don't need your mother's permission to start the process to have him close the distance. It will be emotionally harder without that support and it may be financially tougher if you are living with her and were planning on him staying with you and your mom once the distance it closed. But it's not insurmountable.

Start finding out what needs to be done and laying down some groundwork. In time your mom will come around.

[Dezface]

I agree with the above poster. It may just be an emotional reaction. If she truly has known about the relationship and supported it this entire time, then she will come to see she has no reason to be angry.

You should just move forward with your plans separately from working things out with your mom. Unless there's something specific you need her for. Is she going to be a sponsor? If so, that's another issue. But if not, then I say go ahead and she'll come around.

[chizatlauren]

I am 21 too, and I have far stricter parents... I know it is going to be hard for you, but now that you are 21, you have to make the decision by yourself. You don't have to ask for her consent if your SO wants to move in with you. Go with what your heart desires as long as you are not harming anyone, but never lose your love and respect for your mom. She'll come around, and if she sees that you are truly happy with him closing the distance, I think she will be happy for you too.

Sometimes parents love us too much that they forget we have our own minds to decide our future, so just let her be mad right now. Hope your SO and you can close the distance soon!

[emsimes]

I feel your pain, Fabiana10c
I am 21 as well, and when my mom found out about my SO, she freaked out.
She told me that he didn't really love me, he is just using me to get a green card...all this horrible stuff. She wouldn't see how much we love each other and how much of a great guy he is!

In the end, I really had to stick up for myself. I let her cool off for a few days and then calmly discussed my relationship with her. She actually listened to me without judging, and after awhile, she came around.
Like the above posters said, just give her some more time and she will probably come around. Maybe she will listen to you if you talk to her once she's calmed down.
In the end, this is your life and you have to do what makes you happy!

[Fabiana10c]

Thank you all for the support! I thought I was the only one who's mom was extremely unsupportive. Since the fight I've dropped the topic because I honestly don't have the energy to continue to fight with her. However, after my SO leaves I will talk to her again about. Like you all mentioned this is my life and my decision! Emismes my mom also told me my SO was only with me for a green card. It's extremely hurtful to hear things like that but I'm starting to learn to just let it go. I don't know if my mom will ever come around and I can't wait until she does.

Thank you l for the replies it's nice to know others can relate.

[JoeyBug]

If I remember correctly, Fabiana, we have similar mums! I'm 31 and my mum is still very disapproving of the fact that Scott will eventually move here. The difference is I live in my own place, and if I recall correctly, you're still living with your mum. I'm guessing you plan to get your own place once your SO has moved over from Italy? It's going to be a long and rough road for you ahead, the good things is that hopefully it will end with you having closed the distance between you and your SO. I know it's hard when mum's aren't supportive and I think it's a good idea for you to discuss it with her again. As someone else suggested, try to keep a level calm head, don't yell at her or shout. Listen to what she has to say and try to be as calm as possible. I know it's hard when you're being told that your SO is only with you for the visa and you're marrying too young and everything (apparently 31 is also "too young"!) but you need to show your mum that you are an adult now and you will and can make adult decisions. Including the one that brings the person you love to the US.

I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need to talk to discuss difficult parents (mostly mum's in my case!) then please do PM me!