This is partly childish, partly valid complaint.
My SO has an issue with telling people no. Today we were supposed to spend time together watching four shows and we were looking at about 4 hours of time together. We had planned this for about a week, because he would be away for a while for work and were using this to spend time together when he returned. We watched two shows before things got dicey. He made a comment that I got a little upset over, which wasn't a big deal, but directly after show two he started saying that his friends wanted him to game with them. It is a common thing he does that translates to "please give me the okay to go game" and has me frustrated to no end.
I love my friends and I expect him to love his friends. I have no problem spending time apart and having lives outside of each other. It's healthy and should happen regularly. I feel bad when he asks me if he can go because I'm torn between wanting to spend time with him and wanting him to be his own person. How am I supposed to say no, you can't spend time with your friends? That feels unfair to him. I want him to be free to do as he pleases but I want it to be AFTER we're done! He can't seem to just say "No honey, I can't spend time with you right now, I have other commitments" or "Sorry dude, my girlfriend and I are spending time together, we'll game later."
We have talked about it. We're pretty decent at communicating and he's willing to work things out with me in a healthy way. I'm just frustrated that he hasn't learned anything from the previous times we've discussed this. He is amazing in most ways, but this seems to be his only personality flaw that I can't cope with. I'm afraid that it will make me skeptical about his intentions and his ability to follow through. I feel that I'm being fair with him but I also know that I'm not perfect either. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Looking for constructive criticism or tips on how to improve the situation or see it better from his point of view.
Thanks in advance!
My SO has an issue with telling people no. Today we were supposed to spend time together watching four shows and we were looking at about 4 hours of time together. We had planned this for about a week, because he would be away for a while for work and were using this to spend time together when he returned. We watched two shows before things got dicey. He made a comment that I got a little upset over, which wasn't a big deal, but directly after show two he started saying that his friends wanted him to game with them. It is a common thing he does that translates to "please give me the okay to go game" and has me frustrated to no end.
I love my friends and I expect him to love his friends. I have no problem spending time apart and having lives outside of each other. It's healthy and should happen regularly. I feel bad when he asks me if he can go because I'm torn between wanting to spend time with him and wanting him to be his own person. How am I supposed to say no, you can't spend time with your friends? That feels unfair to him. I want him to be free to do as he pleases but I want it to be AFTER we're done! He can't seem to just say "No honey, I can't spend time with you right now, I have other commitments" or "Sorry dude, my girlfriend and I are spending time together, we'll game later."
We have talked about it. We're pretty decent at communicating and he's willing to work things out with me in a healthy way. I'm just frustrated that he hasn't learned anything from the previous times we've discussed this. He is amazing in most ways, but this seems to be his only personality flaw that I can't cope with. I'm afraid that it will make me skeptical about his intentions and his ability to follow through. I feel that I'm being fair with him but I also know that I'm not perfect either. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Looking for constructive criticism or tips on how to improve the situation or see it better from his point of view.
Thanks in advance!
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