SO visit is over & he's flying back home :(

[Fabiana10c]

My SO hasn't been in the states for almost 3 years since his recent visit. In those 3 years I've been flying back in forth to Italy and I forgot how horrible it feels when he leaves me. When I leave Italy to come back I get back into my routine, but when he leaves its 10x harder. Everywhere I turn there's a memory of us and its extremely hard. Although I left him at the airport, I feel like he's still here as if he's going to walk into my room and give me a kiss.

What are some suggestions you guys have on things to do when your SO visit is over? Is it harder for you guys to leave your SO's country or be left? I never felt this way when we parted ways before, I feel so empty it's like I don't even have the energy to cry. Just wondering what are some ways people cope with this.

[Catface]

So far I've only ever had my SO leave me, because I've never done a trip to him yet. I understand completely what you're going through. It may take a couple days to feel better, maybe longer. The single best thing I did for myself was to time his leaving with some really big distractions. After he left I had to get ready to move, which was a huge undertaking.

I would suggest making yourself as busy as possible for the next two weeks. Make plans with your friends even if you don't feel like it. Work more hours, create projects for yourself and do those things you've been putting off. It makes it so you can't wallow in your own sadness and by the time the two weeks are over you will feel better, at least a bit. You can get back into a routine and start planning for the next trip.

It may not work for you, but it really worked for me. I was able to get through my first couple of weeks with only a handful of bad days. If all else fails, remember that he cares about you, that it's not over because he's not there and that there are tons of people here to support you. You'll be just fine! Just may take a couple days

[JoeyBug]

I've only done the being left part since he usually comes here so I know how you feel. Suddenly your life that didn't really include him in every day things has them IN everyday things. You expect to see them in your bed, in your bathroom, the kitchen etc. It's hard and I have always felt low when my SO leaves to go back home. That isn't helped by the fact that I usually don't have another date ready to count down to and he can be gone for months. It's hard, but you will get back to your normal routine and if I recall correctly, the plan is for him to come to you permanently. Focus on that for now that there is an end and it will become daily routine to have him around.

Good Luck

[Fabiana10c]

Thanks guys, I started to hit me that his no longer here. I'm going to take your suggestion catface & make myself more busy. However, I've been so down since yesterday that I don't even want to do anything so I don't even know how I'm going to keep myself busy.

Just an update, he called to tell me he finally got home which automatically gave me relief to know he was home with his family. When we usually return from trips we Skype immediately even if its for 5 minutes just to see each other but we haven't yet. I don't want to be selfish because I know he's spending time with his family but I'm not sure if I should call him and ask him to turn in the Skype so we can see each other. He is also extremely tired so I don't want to bother him. It's so hard to be so far away and feel so lonely. Even though I have my family no one really asked me how I was doing. I just want these next couple of weeks to be over so I would look forward to possibly buying a ticket.

Joeybug your right that the end is near. We plan on being together by next summer but until then I have to go back into our routine of Skype and phone calls I will keep you posted on how I'm adjusting to him being gone...

Thanks for the advice

[JoeyBug]

Glad to hear he's home safe. As for the Skype calls. I would probably text first to make sure he is up to talking and not too tired from the fight and/or spending time with his family.

You'd be surprised how easy it is to get back into a routine and I know it's hard, but you'll get there and soon he'll be making his final trip to see you and you'll look back and wonder how you got through all of this, but be proud that you did!

Good Luck

[nmu]

I left my SO for the first time today/yesterday (kinda jetlagged) - we met when she was here, that was horribly difficult to say goodbye, I think largely because we weren't 'together', hadn't yet decided to, it seemed so final.

In some ways it was worse today, because I felt more in control. I didn't want to leave. "I don't want to leave. What if I didn't leave? No, you should leave. But I don't want to!" kind of subconscious chatter. But at the same time, I know I'm going back in Summer. Which is a reassurance we didn't have when saying goodbyes before.

I'd be interested to read others' responses, and to see for myself which seems harder in trips to come.

[JoeyBug]

I left my SO for the first time today/yesterday (kinda jetlagged) - we met when she was here, that was horribly difficult to say goodbye, I think largely because we weren't 'together', hadn't yet decided to, it seemed so final.

In some ways it was worse today, because I felt more in control. I didn't want to leave. "I don't want to leave. What if I didn't leave? No, you should leave. But I don't want to!" kind of subconscious chatter. But at the same time, I know I'm going back in Summer. Which is a reassurance we didn't have when saying goodbyes before.

I'd be interested to read others' responses, and to see for myself which seems harder in trips to come.

I think knowing that you'll see her again in the Summer makes it a bit easier. It's still hard to say goodbye, but when there's an end date for visit/closing the distance etc then it's easier because it's not a "good bye for however long until I see you again" if that makes sense. Whenever I've said goodbye to my SO at the airport, it's been a "whenever you can next visit" goodbye and I found it harder the first time because I wasn't sure that he'd return, but the second time was easier.