People and no understanding

[Barone]

hi guys, first time poster.

just wanted to know of how people cope with others in their life who always questions your ldr. i have a cousin who is always questioning it and a close friend aswell.

im 26 and my partner is 24 and both or imediate families are very understanding and only want the best for us both, my family even willing to help finacially to see me happy. But then there are the skeptics who seem to find ways to, not change my mind, but get me down because i want their support but i dont receive it. i tell them all the time that i was a skeptic before i meet adrianna and i understand where they are coming from, but these people still fail to put them selves in my shoes and see that my happiness is number 1. Its depressing that people can be so simple minded and give off such a negative vibe. on the other hand my dads side of the family currently have 2 people who are married which begun as ldr's. ahaha so suck on that all the haters... i know nothing anyone says to me, other then adrianna, will change my mind on what i want and what i will do, but it does get me down at times. anyone have some advice?

[freya]

HI!!!

This is pretty neat....I just joined this afternoon, and apart from us both being Aussies, both our partners are in San Diego! I see you also put Tijuana. Is your partner Mexican-American? Mine is

Anyway, to answer your question....

I've been very selective on who I've shared the story with. But, mostly that is because we initially met online, and the first few people I told were suspicious, thinking that I was being scammed or something (watching too many cheesy current affairs shows!).

My family were a little concerned at first, just that I would end up hurt if we couldn't make it work.....but they've become very fond of him through Skype meetings and phone chats. Of course I also never stop talking about how amazing he is!

My sister is extremely supportive and has even said she would help financially and work-wise if he ended up coming here.

To those who have been negative, I've simply said "Well, I guess it's hard to understand unless you've been in the situation", and then I've never raised the issue with them again.

I've not long come back from San Diego, have you been to visit? It's such a great city....just beautiful.

[Barone]

hey you should add me on facebook! ahaha we can make talk about stuff. ill private message you my link!

[Catface]

I also have a friend in my life that provides a distinct lack of support. She even found her husband through an LDR and still doesn't understand. The important thing is to not let it bother you. There will always be people in your life trying to tell you something can't be done, and if you listen to them, it can't be done. Use it as motivation to show them it can. While it will be hard to hear them talk about it, do your best to shrug it off and change the subject. Come up with a catch phrase like "I'm happy and that's all that matters." Simple and concise and shows it's not up for debate. Then you can surround yourself with the people in your life that love the idea!

And of course come here! Everyone here will share your frustration/pain/happiness in some way.

[aniay]

I agree, try to not let it bother you...

For the last few months I've been in LDR I found out about dark side of people. Because I am constantly teased that He's there, me here and either he has someone in UK or I should find someone here, They costantly remind me that I'm way too optimistic and it will never work out.
Most of those people though don't matter to me, they are just annoying bugs for me.

And if someone who cares doesn't believe in all that and is not giving support I just... not share any details with them and not ask for opinion.

I find the support in here

[Catface]

Because I am constantly teased that He's there, me here and either he has someone in UK or I should find someone here

That might be the worst thing people ever say to me. "Why don't you go find someone to sleep with, he'll never know." THAT IS NOT THE POINT. You don't do that to people you love. It's obvious, but don't listen to people like that. It's clear they don't have a clue how special something like this is.

[aniay]

That might be the worst thing people ever say to me. "Why don't you go find someone to sleep with, he'll never know." THAT IS NOT THE POINT. You don't do that to people you love. It's obvious, but don't listen to people like that. It's clear they don't have a clue how special something like this is.

They are just bugs... and I really pitty them for thinking like that, because they won't be able to trust


*hugs*

[Barone]

ahaha everything everyone is saying is correct, and it is exactly how i feel. just sometimes i need the reassurance that im not going insane lol. thank god my parents are amazing and understanding. my issue is im a very stubborn person ahaha and i will fight to the death to make someone see my way ahaha, one of my friends who argues with me is a cop ahaha so you can imagine how that works out all the time... lol.. either way, i just want people to be happy for me rather then question everything. 99% of people in my life either dont care or are happy for me, but there is that 1% that tries to bring me down (even without knowing it)...in the end my happiness is number #1 aswell as adrianna's... i dont think its jealousy as to why people bicker but its something else which i cant yet put my finger on, maybe its them being scared of something being diffrent? i also think people like to have control and when they realise they dont, they try to ditract you from what your doing.

[lademoiselle]

If the people who aren't happy for you are in the minority, ignore it. Catface is right that you're always going to know someone who doesn't believe in/agree with/like what you're doing - and that applies to anything in your life. What matters is that you have the support of those closest to you, like family and real friends; the opinions of strangers and suchlike are neither here nor there.

[JoeyBug]

Welcome and Hi!

I totally get what you're saying and agree with the other posters who say that these people happen to everyone in an LDR. I have one friend who I used to be close to, she got married a few years ago and around the time that Scott and I got together and she was very negative, and still is about the whole thing. She is in the minority though, although sometimes my mum expresses some cynical comments, she does full support me and just wants me to find happiness. I usually come here or talk to my friend who met her husband online and moved to Finland to be with him. She's still happily married a number of years later and she totally understands when I go to her with issues and complaints about other people. It happens to the majority of us that at least one person in our lives is not as supportive. It's irritating, annoying and frustrating, but try not to focus on them. Instead look to the happiness you feel and find support here and other places for people in LDRs.

Welcome again and nice to meet you

[Karura]

You should be grateful that your family supports you and that you know a lot of people who are happy for you. If the people who bug you are such a small minority you're better off ignoring them then riling them up with comebacks which can only make them say more things to you. From my experience these kind of people were raised to have a certain point of view and can't seem to accept things they consider out of norm or different, so they consider it bad. If it's not how they think life works they try to impose that on you and prove that what they think is right. And I'm not even saying this happens to just LDR situations. People like that should learn to be open minded. So let them think like that for now because your love life has got nothing to do with them, and if you show them how happy you are despite what they say you will be the one proving them wrong.

[NerdyChick]

All the people who are close to me or involved in my life are on my Facebook so for me I posted a note on my Facebook covering what my LDR is, what it means to me, that I in fact do love this person very much, and am committed to him and our future together, and that it was as respectable and as "real" as any other relationship. And if anyone asks me about it, I just sort of lay it out for them, that this isn't a passing fling, that I do in fact know exactly who I'm with, and that this is someone I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with. After I've done that, I haven't had many people question me about it, I'm known for being a fairly logical and sensible person in general, so the people who know me, the people I respect, trust that I know what I'm talking when I say I love him and want to be with him.

[Barone]

thanks for all the great advice, i think Karura advise was best. sometimes in life being the bigger person, and sometimes meaning always, is whats best. being humble, understanding, patient and patient is what is needed by me. Ill keep working on it... hopefully the minority will work on it too! :P

[ZenZeta]

I totally feel your pain. Sometimes its hard to find people to share in your happiness when in a LDR (especially a new one). First, you've come to the right place because everyone here knows what you are going through, and there are countless examples of people here who have made LDRs work.

My advice (as others have said), is to be selective in who you tell about the LDR. As much as we want to shout it from the rooftops, some people just won't understand your bliss and will try to discourage it. Even though they may have the best intentions, it is still hurtful when the "negative nellies" kick in.

Finally, don't forget to judge your sources. Isn't it funny how we won't go to the foot doctor for a toothache, but will take relationship advice from someone who isn't in a productive, prosperous loving relationship? Sadly, sometimes misery just loves company.

Come here to celebrate your triumphs and trials, and maybe reach out to your relatives that have had successful LDRs. Relationships are challenging as is, but isn't it wonderful to know that someone cares enough about you to endure the EXTRA challenge of long distance?

Welcome!!! We're here for you!!!!