Impossible decision :(((

[libelle]

Hello everyone .. First, a huge thank you to anyone who will take the time to read and maybe answer to my post (:
I wasn't sure where to post this thread.. International? College? Study/work abroad? Military?? Anyway here i am and this is our story.
We have been together for a year and 5 months, I am from Bulgaria and he is from Denmark. We love eachother more than anythign in this world. He had enlisted in the military before we met and has a contract there, and also really good career opportunities.

From before I met him, I wanted to study in university in Germany. After we met, I had the desire to study in Denmark, but since I have no interest in the bachelor programmes offered in English there (which are very few!!!) I had to return to my original wish to study in Germany. Now the thing is, I want to study medicine. And seeing as I can't do that in Denmark, because I don't know Danish, this means us spending the next AT LEAST 6 years apart, and then 4 more afterwards, in order for me to finish my degree in Germany and then move to him. This is where the problem comes ..... I really really want to study medicine, but I want us to close the distance and finally live together even more ..... He feels the same. Sadly he doesn't know German and since he is in the military it would be very hard if not impossible to move and live with me during my study. And everything comes down to my choice... I either have to chose another (shorter) degree, or spend the next 10 years in a long distance relatonship, separated from the person who means the world to me .... I have two weeks to decide how our life will go from now on ..

I know this is my decision and none of you can decide for me. But it would be really helpful to hear your opinions, what you would do in my place, if you have faced a similar situation in the past and how you came around with it .... Any advice, support,anything, will be greatly appreciated...... Thanks in advance (:

[charly]

Hej! I was facing the same decision last year. Although I never knew what I wanted to do, I knew that Sweden wasn't offering any bachelors in English that I liked. It was really hard to decide to study here in Holland, because that means that I'm 'stuck' here for at least a few more years. Now, two years later, I have decided to change again, and to study architecture. 4 more years that I cannot move to Sweden. I choose for this option, because I believe education is the most important thing one can have. My mind, and thoughts and knowledge are the only things that I have for sure; a relationship, no matter how strong it seems now, can always break. And that's the point where things as education become important.

Have you looked into studying Danish first? A friend of mine wanted to study in Sweden very badly, so he decided to study Swedish language and culture studies here first. He is now fluent, after just two years. (And since you are still young, is it worth to 'offer' those years?) And don't you have space to take a minor and follow a short program in Denmark? It's my personal opinion of course, but I think you should choose study over boyfriend. I know a lot of us here have faced that decision. Eventually, if the relationship is strong enough, you WILL make it. It just takes so damn long..-.-' But see it from the bright side: Denmark and Germany are pretty close

Anyway, goodluck

[CountryGirl]

First off, this is a decision that a lot of long distance couples unfortunately have to face. That is, whether or not to follow your dreams or put your partner/relationship first. I would say that your education is the most important thing but also making you and your SO stay in a long distance relationship for nearly 10 years is not fair for either of you. Personally, I was in a LDR during my high school years and had to make the decision about what I was going to do for college and I ended up deciding to do my degree because I know that I don't have much to offer my SO without an education and potential job prospects in the future. That being said, the degree I wanted to do originally was political science so that I could go to law school and that would have been nearly 10 years of a long distance relationship and I knew that I couldn't handle that and neither could he. I ended up choosing to do a Business degree and pushing through it in 3 years. I will be done next year and close the distance officially by moving to the UK. Sometimes you have to do what's best for the both of you and not just yourself. I learned that the harder way but I'm glad I did.

My advice is that you maybe look into medical schools in Iceland or degrees with a similar interest? LDRs are unfortunately the type of relationship that require a lot of sacrifice and wiggle room to make last. I'm sure your SO and you have discussed options and can decide together what the best option is. I cant imagine 10 years of long distance though, I honestly think it gets harder after each visit with Fraser to leave and not kidnap him..cant even think about lots of little visits between close countries.

Anyways, hope it works out for you dear! (: sorry to have rambled so much..

[Kiyama]

Can't you study Danish first and then get a degree there? It might take a while to get good enough but if you work hard, you can learn the language within let's say two years. In comparison to the ten years you'd be spending long distance, this seems like a compromise you could make. It is not giving up your dream but get there on a different path that might be a bit longer but more enjoyable?

[JoeyBug]

I was not in the situation with my current SO, but with a previous LDR. I was in my first year at uni in the UK and he wanted to close the distance have had me come there. We were also going to get married and so I gave up uni (for other reasons too, my health being one of them) and planned to close the distance and move to be with him. Long story short, the relationship broke down. Not because of anything I did, but it still broke down. I'm telling you this because you need to talk with your SO about whether or not you BOTH feel that you can last ten years as LD before you come close to CD. If you choose to take the university course in Germany, there is nothing saying you can't visit each other, and often as both jobs will allow.

How long is his contract with the military? Will he be getting out at some point in the next ten years? If so, he could come and join you. Speaking the language isn't a big thing in an EU country - at least I don't think it is - and it could just be temporary until you finish schooling and then you can both return to Denmark. You could also do what others have suggested and study Danish first and then move their to close the distance.

Either way, it's not a decision any of us can make for you, which I know you're aware of, but it is one you and your SO need to seriously discuss. My only advice would be to not sacrifice your education. If you want to do this and feel that it will broaden your employment horizons, then you should, but you may have to make a sacrifice in your relationship because of that. You and your SO need to weigh up the pros and cons and come to a decision together.

I wish you the best of luck and remember we are here if you need support

[dglynn77]

Can't you study Danish first and then get a degree there? It might take a while to get good enough but if you work hard, you can learn the language within let's say two years. In comparison to the ten years you'd be spending long distance, this seems like a compromise you could make. It is not giving up your dream but get there on a different path that might be a bit longer but more enjoyable?

Kiyama is smart! This makes sense.

[libelle]

Hey, thanks to everyone for the lovely advice <3
After I slept, things are a bit clearer now To kiyama and dglynn77, I know, I would love this solution also. The problem to it is that since my parents are financing my education and me living in Germany, they refuse to let me have a two year break to just study a language. So for now I thought of a new alternative. I will start studying something that interests me too - I will pick between Biochemistry and Molekular Biology. The bachelor takes 3 years, during which I plan on learning Danish (a lot of universities offer language courses). If I haven't reached the desired niveau until its time for a Master's, I will move to Denmark and study it in Copenhagen University where they offer it in English. If I have reached a high niveau of Danish, I will study it in Danish, there again. Or maybe I will still have the desire for Medicine and start it from beginning there <3 I think those three years will still pass quicker than the original ten, considering we can meet a lot more often when I am closer, and also I can stay with him during the summers <3 I think this resolution will be satisfying to all - him, my parents and me

[libelle]

Oh and to joeybug - I am not really sure how long his contract is, but he really wants to continue on with a career in there, seeing as it is something he has done for some time now, and loves. Not to mention his whole family for generations is linked to the army Thanks for the advice though <3

[JoeyBug]

Oh and to joeybug - I am not really sure how long his contract is, but he really wants to continue on with a career in there, seeing as it is something he has done for some time now, and loves. Not to mention his whole family for generations is linked to the army Thanks for the advice though <3

Not a problem, glad to hear you've come to a solution! Good Luck

[Tooki]

I think that studying a scientific undergraduate degree is a good idea . Medicine should follow the general gist of what you will learn in that degree and you will know whether you do want to become a doctor.

If not, you can always study in another field after you complete your degree. Good luck.