Me and my SO are back together again..yet why do I feel so weird at times?

[AmandaZ]

(I'm 18 and from Denmark. he's 22 'turning 23 in oktober' and from Mexico.)

Untill 3 months ago, we would have been together for almost 2 years, untill he told me in some time in December, that he needed some time to think about this relationship because he couldn't handle the distance anymore, yet he still loved me.. and we broke up the 31th of December. So Christmas or New years wasn't fun for either of us:/.. I was Devistated for a long time!.. Then after 5 days later, he texted me and told me to see him on skype. he was crying asking me to come back, ect. both still freshly in that horrible phase, we did. and of course it didn't work out cause already a week later we broke it off again, but it didn't crash me too hard cause I kind of expected that, and the worst part was already over in December.. but we decided to stay friends though and keep in touch.

for the next 3 months we contacted each other sometimes, had a few skype calls but not much more than that. when we where talking this 16th of April to once again catch up, he started to talk about us, and asked me to get back together again. we had a little discussion about it, explaining to him that I'd love to but, he would probably just do it again in a week, 2 weeks, a month ect. he said he would not do it, but I told him that he doesn't know that. and after talking a some more, he made a beatiful proof to me that he really loved me.. and after that I took the chance, and said yes. he was more than happy and so was I, and we had a great night! we were supposed to see each other last week, but unfortunately he had exams that week untill now, so we are going to see eachother here on friday.


It Has only been almost 2 weeks, but..I've been feeling so weird!... during the day I feel happy and great to be with him and imagining us doing all kinds of things! but, at night-time.. I start to feel sad, nervous and confused..like having nausea:S..especially when I'm alone(yet I feel good when I'm alone in the daytime).

Why do I feel like this? and not during the day?.. Is it because I don't trust him as much like before? Do I keep thinking of the past?..is it normal?... Some help is much appreciated!:S

[Kiyama]

Nice to see you back here
I think it's normal to have some trust issues. My SO broke up with me once. It was only for half an hour and in the heat of the moment but yet it shook me to the ground and it took me a long time to get over it. So I can relate to how you feel. Give yourself some time and tell him to cut you some slack when you freak out. He has to work through this now.
Good luck to the two of you!

[rawrimolivia]

I think we all tend to think too much towards night time, because we are trying to fall asleep but your mind is empty, so you fill it with back and forth thoughts of what if. Honestly, like Kiyama said, it's very normal to have trust issues with him now, and he has to earn that trust back from you. You were hurt, but don't hold it against him. Best of luck! Can't wait to hear how your visit was!

[digitalfever]

First and foremost, I think it's because your gut knows what's going on. You don't sign up for particular websites with the hopes of just browsing and then leaving it at that. You've contemplated what you want to do and have put a plan into motion. While I think it may be a bit of over thinking... I think your gut is telling you this just isn't right.

[JoeyBug]

Trust is something that is easy to break and hard to achieve. It could be that you're overthinking things at night, it could be that you just don't feel like it's stable, like you can trust him to not break it off again with little or no warning. You both need to talk to each other and you need to be honest with how you're feeling. If you don't feel that you can have a relationship without full trust, then maybe it's time to break it off and leave it at that. If you both want to work at it, then you can. Ultimately though, it is a decision that has to be between you and your SO.

Good Luck and know that we are here for you

[AmandaZ]

Thank you it feels nice to get back in here..

yes, I hope what I feel is just a phase..because if so, I don't want to jump to any conclusions, and regret something. it's just also while feeling like this, at some moments I find myself questioning my love for him!..it's a scary thought and it makes me sick to my stomache, because he's all that I ever want!.. is this a part of the trust issues?
also if it's just a phase, how do I get through it?..and what does he have to do to get my trust back?.. because all I really want is to safe this relationship!..

[JoeyBug]

As for how to get your trust back, that's not something that's easy to answer. It depends on the people involved in the relationship and you personally. You could try to remind yourself when you feel yourself getting anxious that this is what you want, that this is what he wants, that it is not like before. I had a similar issue when my SO came over after not being in contact for 8 years. I worried he was just looking for somewhere to stay and would then disappear again and I'd never hear from him. I got through it with his help by explaining to him how I felt and he did things like text to say "I can't talk today because X is going on, but I will tomorrow if you're free?" That helped me both stay connected to him and reassure my own paranoia and distrust that he was in contact with me (and a relationship) and was not going to just disappear. It wasn't like before, it was different. You need to talk with him about how he came start to earn your trust and ease your fears. As long as it's not something totally unreasonable or something he is unable to do, then it should be something he is willing to do. Explain to him that it's not that you don't want to be in the relationship, but that you don't want to hurt again. Don't ask him to promise he'll never leave you because no one can promise that and know 100% that it won't happen for one reason or another. Maybe have him contact you every few days and allow you to see that he wants to be in the relationship and it matters to him.

Good Luck

[ThePiedPiper]

Why would it be so wrong if a part of you healed and had started moving on? Sometimes that happens and you can't control it. I want to give you advice on how to regain your faith and trust in the good world, but I think you need to make sure it's the ability to trust him that you've lost and not just the way you loved him before you two broke up.

[AmandaZ]

As for how to get your trust back, that's not something that's easy to answer. It depends on the people involved in the relationship and you personally. You could try to remind yourself when you feel yourself getting anxious that this is what you want, that this is what he wants, that it is not like before. I had a similar issue when my SO came over after not being in contact for 8 years. I worried he was just looking for somewhere to stay and would then disappear again and I'd never hear from him. I got through it with his help by explaining to him how I felt and he did things like text to say "I can't talk today because X is going on, but I will tomorrow if you're free?" That helped me both stay connected to him and reassure my own paranoia and distrust that he was in contact with me (and a relationship) and was not going to just disappear. It wasn't like before, it was different. You need to talk with him about how he came start to earn your trust and ease your fears. As long as it's not something totally unreasonable or something he is unable to do, then it should be something he is willing to do. Explain to him that it's not that you don't want to be in the relationship, but that you don't want to hurt again. Don't ask him to promise he'll never leave you because no one can promise that and know 100% that it won't happen for one reason or another. Maybe have him contact you every few days and allow you to see that he wants to be in the relationship and it matters to him.

Good Luck

Thank you, I'll try that I already send him a message explaining everything of how I've been feeling, but that I still want to save the relationship, and if he really wants this too, we need to work at it, ect. Hopefully he'll take it seriously and work at it if not, well, then I know where I stand.

Because even though I feel the way I feel right now, I won't give up on the greatest guy I've ever known! If there is a way to overcome this, of course I'll take it. because we're both the kinda people who go by the old phrase " If something was broken, we fixed it."