Jealousy: What do I do with him

[aojeda50]

Alright, so apparently I get hit on or approached by guys every time I go out with my friends to bars or lounges. I denied it because honestly I really do not pay attention to that and am oblivious as well. My SO would always point it out, and it wasn't until this past Saturday that I realized it was true. There about 4 instances that happened, and I told him every single one. We both have gotten into the habit of telling one another about any instance that happens with me with other guys, or him with other girls. We do this because i think this way it makes it easier on the both of us to know what's going on and be honest and trusting. He is a handsome guy. I am not the jealous type at all, but with him it's a different story I don't know why, but it is. He does get approached and stared at often.
With me, I think he is becoming more jealous as time is passing. He's the same as me. Neither of us were jealous until we became an item. Every time I go out it's always the same question, and I am always waiting for it. "So did any guys approach you?" -_- At least he asks me politely and more in a concerned manner. It's starting to bother me a bit I don't know how I should react to it, because I completely understand why he does it. We are thousands of miles apart. He's not always with me like I would want him to be.So i always tell him what happens. I brought up that my good friend wears this fake promise ring to prevent guys approaching her, and I guess it works. He thought it was a brilliant idea. I don't know how I should feel about this. He wants me to wear a ring to prevent that from happening to me.

[ThePiedPiper]

I think you two actually need to trust one another to handle being approached like adults. Being stared at, hit on, approached, etc... it's going to happen and you need to find a more effective way to handle than by wearing a fake ring. Why do either of you two need to be privvy to this information in the first place? It's not like the situation is unavoidable and there's not trust in the relationship if you need to get a play-by-play to deal with the jealousy... :/

[redapple]

If its something I find funny or a friend has hit on me (I have a fair few male friends) and that has caused me to have to distance myself from them, I tell my SO; mainly because he loves gossip! and in regards to the friends thing that's just so he knows why I maybe stop talking about them so much.

However joe blogs who I've never met hits on me? I wouldn't tell him. It's not a big deal, it happens. They don't know you're in a relationship. I think if anything by telling each other of every incident you will end up building jealousy. Learn to just trust each other to deal with this and realise that it's no big deal I think would be my advice.

[digitalfever]

People flirt. It's natural.

[kiara_silver]

Me and my SO arn't out much, as far as clubs or bars. When I go out 90% of the time it's with family, and he works or he goes out with a group of friends or one of his guy friends. Were both taken so I think that gives off a vibe to others lol But it doesn't happen much. We don't go reporting back every glance someone gives us, but if someone were to hit on one of us we would tell each other, it's part of sharing our day and I think it's good to share. I personally would want to know. He's out more then I am and has more moments, I think he keeps things so I don't get jealous but im pretty sure he shares most with me lol And I've told him every time I've gotten approached.
But we live in a world with millions of people it's bound to happen, and happen again. It shouldn't be made into a issue. (But it's a reason I like my SO wearing his ring.... lol)

[loneliestgirl]

I am pretty sure telling each other each and every instance that someone get hit on or noticed is not healthy...esp for your SO since he seems more sensitive and anxious about it. It feeds a really bad insecurity within him. If it was a significant event such a guy getting aggressively flirty or not taking the hint or crossing a line, then that's something to mention.

As for the fake promise ring, only wear it if YOU want to prevent guys from approaching you not because someone else does. Your friend does it for herself because she is tired of that attention. Tell your SO, that you will be willing to wear a real promise ring with an actual promise attached to it but you are not gonna wear a fake one and pretend.

[Verojoon]

My SO and I would share if we have a reason to share. For example I went to a party two weeks ago where this boy (he was 10 years younger than me!) kept hitting on me and trying to touch me (put his hands around my waist) I talked to the boy several times about how I wasn't comfortable, I talked to his friend, and I even talked to the hosts of the party about the situation but I was still in an uncomfortable situation, so I left the party and had to walk home by myself at 3am. So I called my SO and I explained the situation. He talked to me the whole walk home while following my progress on google maps so that he felt comfortable that nothing would happen to me or if something did happen to me (really small chance as I live in a rather safe city!) he would be able to contact the authorities and tell them exactly where I was.. I think an extreme case like this he should know. I also tell him if the story is amusing or funny or if I'm thoroughly annoyed... But I'm not going to report everything, and he will also only report funny incidents (he has a lot less incidents than me because he is out in those type of situations an awful lot less!

I think in your case you two need to sit down and discuss how much you need to tell each other as it seems to be feeding jealousy.

[chizatlauren]

Both of you know what your limitations are as a couple. Just trust each other and prevent being too jealous of each other. Assurance of love and fidelity to each other is one key for both of you to not be too jealous. Being flirty is normal, but when skin-to-skin contact is already involved, that's when you should stop.

[arrah5]

Honestly, he should trust you to behave in a manner of a woman in a committed relationship. You are with him, therefore other suitors are off the grid. I am one that doesn't realize when a guy is hitting on me. I recently had to ask a friend if that was what was happening with a male friend of mine... I was shocked to learn that yeah he was hitting on me!

I believe it can be let go with a simple "I'm not interested" or "No thank you" if the guy persists then mention that you are in a relationship, and if he still continues to persist, get forceful and get backup. Only when a guy isn't persuaded by the knowledge of an existing relationship is when your boyfriend should hear about it. But not as a way to continue the jealousy, but to let him know "Hey, this happened, this is how I took care of it, I hope it doesn't happen again" Telling him every single time a guy hits on you, glances at you, or smiles at you will just compound the jealousy, and his feelings of insecurity. "I'm not able to be there, and all these guys are hitting on her, why doesn't she be with one of them instead of me, they are right there... blah, blah, blah".

I feel this way because my current SO has done this, telling me about his night out at the bar, and how he hangs out with his female friends, and how they hug him and kiss his cheek, and let him buy them drinks... ugh! Just tell me you had a good time, and that you love me, that's all I need to know!

[warlord]

I am pretty sure telling each other each and every instance that someone get hit on or noticed is not healthy...esp for your SO since he seems more sensitive and anxious about it. It feeds a really bad insecurity within him. If it was a significant event such a guy getting aggressively flirty or not taking the hint or crossing a line, then that's something to mention.

As for the fake promise ring, only wear it if YOU want to prevent guys from approaching you not because someone else does. Your friend does it for herself because she is tired of that attention. Tell your SO, that you will be willing to wear a real promise ring with an actual promise attached to it but you are not gonna wear a fake one and pretend.

THIS.

Nobody wins in a jealousy contest.

My girlfriend is hot. Shes in multiple tv shows as an extra and has done a lot of modeling work

Im a good looking guy that works out 6 times a week and works at a job where i am surrounded by hot girls all day.

We had casually talked about funny stories about guys hitting on her or girls flirting with me... then it seems like it became a contest to see who can get more attention...

It seems like we both kind of realize what we were doing and we stopped it. Now i just assume guys are hitting on her all the time but im better then all those guys and i assume she thinks the same about me. Do i still get nervous when she doesn't text me back right away at night...? Sometimes,Sure, i get insecure and maybe a little jealous but i get over it because she tells me regularly how much she loves me and misses me. Its up to me to make sure shes not jealous and up to her to make sure im not jealous.... trying (maybe not on purpose) to make each other jealous is a losers game.

[Goyangi]

My boyfriend is super sexy... and that's not just a statement entirely founded upon my bias.

What I'm trying to say is he is often approached. But so am I. If a certain instance is particularly amusing or peculiar, we might share with the other. But every, single, time? It's not a competition. That just sounds like an invitation of jealousy! I do think a certain amount of jealousy isn't necessarily harmful for a relationship, in the sense of, "My boyfriend is sexy and other people thinks so too; how lucky am I?" but it stops there. We both trust each other immensely, and we both know how to handle situations like that. If someone hits on me, I smile and thank them but immediately let him or her know I am happily, happily, HAPPILY taken. My boyfriend would do the exact same.

As far as the promise ring goes, I've done that! With a past boyfriend. With my current SO, I actually just ordered a military couple dog tag/ring set and I plan on wearing that on my ring finger. But my intent isn't to wear it like I have something to prove! I just wanted a cute token that connected us both, and if it happens to be a conversation starter, so be it.

[SeeRat]

Only when a guy isn't persuaded by the knowledge of an existing relationship is when your boyfriend should hear about it. But not as a way to continue the jealousy, but to let him know "Hey, this happened, this is how I took care of it, I hope it doesn't happen again" Telling him every single time a guy hits on you, glances at you, or smiles at you will just compound the jealousy, and his feelings of insecurity. "I'm not able to be there, and all these guys are hitting on her, why doesn't she be with one of them instead of me, they are right there... blah, blah, blah".

This totally....