He's bringing his mother!<:S

[AmandaZ]

I already kinda knew this in the first place, since we talked about if we should be here in my country, he was bound to bring his mother. and now that the money is finally coming in, we can plan a visit. Which is terrfying to me due to the fact that he's bringing her.

It's not that he Wants her to come, it's just that she's very stubborn and she refuses to let him go alone! since I'm from Denmark and he's from Mexico. He had tried to confront her many times about it, but she will not listen. If he was younger I'd have more understanding, but he's turning 23 in October!..He should be deciting himself if he's going by himself or not. I know it's normal behavior in Mexico(and other Catholic countries) to be listening to what the families says. Especially the mothers. But where I come from, the teens/adults can do pretty much whatever they want. So it's not very attractive to be dragging his mother along.

It's not that I don't want to meet her at some point, but I just also feel like there will be a lot of trouble if she comes. or maybe I'm just exagerating..
1: since I still live my parents and a 9 year old brother, we'll all be living in a tiny apartment, 2: she's not very good with english so how the heck are any of us going to speak with her? He'll just be her translater 24/7, 3: What if she wants to keep and eye on us all the time? or go anywhere we're going?..I mean, how is she gonna stay home and talk to my parents?..

I know I sound very unwelcoming of her, but it's just I've heard so many complaints in our relationship about his parents(mostly his mother) about how she's always being so unreasonable, stubborn and temperamental.. So of course I'm nervous as **** about meeting and living with her!.. Even though she has been very nice to me when seeing her on webcam. and when I asked what she thinks about me, he told me that she had given me many compliments and have been bragging to a few people in the family about his son's girlfriend. So that's nice

Luckily, it's just this time he's bringing her. Otherwise we're on our own. and he's starting to look for new jobs since he's university is ending in August and he wants to find a place of his own. So I'm hoping much for that

I know I really can't do anything about this, but it's really giving me stress!<:S..

[Jazi]

this sounds like it is your first meeting? I'm a little unsure on that.

Anyway... He is still letting himself be 'babied' by his mum - you say he has 'tried' to confront his mum about it... but has he REALLY? If he had REALLY confronted her then she would probably be upset and not actually want to come anymore.. honestly, if he doesn't want to travel with his mother he would find a way, some people are happy to have their parents call all the shots and it sounds like you are more annoyed than he is about this.

Also it sounds like he is living with his mother by this statement - he's university is ending in August and he wants to find a place of his own - the fact that he lives in his mothers house means that he will kind of want to play by her rules... it would make it extremely uncomfortable to live with her if he was going against her wishes for him.

You also say that in his culture that this is the way it is.. so I think you need to decide if you're happy with his mother having SUCH a presence in your relationship? Because if he is a "mummy's boy" it'll just cause issues between you and your boyfriend if you don't want his mother involved in your relationship/decisions.. and I wouldn't be naive to think that she won't have any say if he doesn't live with her, it's a family dynamic that will stay strong regardless of where he lives or who he marries.. Unless your boyfriend wants to REALLY stand up against his mum and become independent I would say it'll always be some kind of an issue culturally.

[ThePiedPiper]

this sounds like it is your first meeting? I'm a little unsure on that.

Anyway... He is still letting himself be 'babied' by his mum - you say he has 'tried' to confront his mum about it... but has he REALLY? If he had REALLY confronted her then she would probably be upset and not actually want to come anymore.. honestly, if he doesn't want to travel with his mother he would find a way, some people are happy to have their parents call all the shots and it sounds like you are more annoyed than he is about this.

Also it sounds like he is living with his mother by this statement - he's university is ending in August and he wants to find a place of his own - the fact that he lives in his mothers house means that he will kind of want to play by her rules... it would make it extremely uncomfortable to live with her if he was going against her wishes for him.

You also say that in his culture that this is the way it is.. so I think you need to decide if you're happy with his mother having SUCH a presence in your relationship? Because if he is a "mummy's boy" it'll just cause issues between you and your boyfriend if you don't want his mother involved in your relationship/decisions.. and I wouldn't be naive to think that she won't have any say if he doesn't live with her, it's a family dynamic that will stay strong regardless of where he lives or who he marries.. Unless your boyfriend wants to REALLY stand up against his mum and become independent I would say it'll always be some kind of an issue culturally.

I agree with this. I am extremely close to my mother and while I didn't bring her on any trips with me, had she wanted to come, I most certainly would have invited her. While I could stand to gain some more independence and that's a large part of why I'm going out-of-state for school next year, I intend to always be close with her and I don't really see our dynamic changing all that much. Could I stand up to her and tell her to back off if I wanted to? Sure, but if I wanted to, I'd have done it already. I think you need to stop blaming your SO's mother on this one and start thinking that maybe this is just who your SO is, is going to be, and whether or not you can live with it.

[Captivated]

What a sucky situation. Honestly, I would've been irritated with my SO if he had brought his mother...I certainly do NOT want a momma's boy. Gladly, he didn't. But yeah it's all on him, not his mother (though really, can she get a clue?). My mom did ask one time if she could go with me to Ireland when my "ex" who's from there invited me. I told her that I would love it if she did BUT didn't think it would be a good idea because we really just wanted to be alone. And she totally understood. Has our mother/daughter dynamic changed? Uh, no. We're also very close. It's HOW you say things rather that WHAT you say.

Has your bf already bought her plane ticket? Awkward situation all around...

[Moon]

Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because I'm older and really might not have a great perspective on this from a younger person's point of view, but for me, this situation would be completely unacceptable. I have a 24 year old daughter, and if she were traveling internationally to meet some guy, I'd hate it too and I'd be worried as hell, but I would not, under any circumstances, force myself onto her trip. That's just...weird. If she wanted me there, I'd book myself my own hotel accommodations, his mother forcing herself uninvited into your home, for me, would be outrageous beyond belief. You guys aren't minors, by law, you're both adults. I get the Catholic thing, I was raised Catholic, but honestly, that's not an excuse. I don't have much advice, because I have no idea how you can turn this situation around, but I do wish you the very best of luck. You're gonna need it, because that's going to be one pushy, interfering woman in your life, I'm afraid

[Hollandia]

Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because I'm older and really might not have a great perspective on this from a younger person's point of view, but for me, this situation would be completely unacceptable. I have a 24 year old daughter, and if she were traveling internationally to meet some guy, I'd hate it too and I'd be worried as hell, but I would not, under any circumstances, force myself onto her trip. That's just...weird. If she wanted me there, I'd book myself my own hotel accommodations, his mother forcing herself uninvited into your home, for me, would be outrageous beyond belief. You guys aren't minors, by law, you're both adults. I get the Catholic thing, I was raised Catholic, but honestly, that's not an excuse. I don't have much advice, because I have no idea how you can turn this situation around, but I do wish you the very best of luck. You're gonna need it, because that's going to be one pushy, interfering woman in your life, I'm afraid

I completely agree. I would want a man not a boy. As a mom you need to cut the apron strings. As a man you need to be able grow some nads and leave the nest.

[ThePiedPiper]

Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because I'm older and really might not have a great perspective on this from a younger person's point of view, but for me, this situation would be completely unacceptable. I have a 24 year old daughter, and if she were traveling internationally to meet some guy, I'd hate it too and I'd be worried as hell, but I would not, under any circumstances, force myself onto her trip. That's just...weird. If she wanted me there, I'd book myself my own hotel accommodations, his mother forcing herself uninvited into your home, for me, would be outrageous beyond belief. You guys aren't minors, by law, you're both adults. I get the Catholic thing, I was raised Catholic, but honestly, that's not an excuse. I don't have much advice, because I have no idea how you can turn this situation around, but I do wish you the very best of luck. You're gonna need it, because that's going to be one pushy, interfering woman in your life, I'm afraid

^ This is exactly how my mom is/was/would be, other than the Catholic thing.

[Black_Halloween]

Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because I'm older and really might not have a great perspective on this from a younger person's point of view, but for me, this situation would be completely unacceptable. I have a 24 year old daughter, and if she were traveling internationally to meet some guy, I'd hate it too and I'd be worried as hell, but I would not, under any circumstances, force myself onto her trip. That's just...weird. If she wanted me there, I'd book myself my own hotel accommodations, his mother forcing herself uninvited into your home, for me, would be outrageous beyond belief. You guys aren't minors, by law, you're both adults. I get the Catholic thing, I was raised Catholic, but honestly, that's not an excuse. I don't have much advice, because I have no idea how you can turn this situation around, but I do wish you the very best of luck. You're gonna need it, because that's going to be one pushy, interfering woman in your life, I'm afraid

Totally agree. He really needs to man up and tell her who is gonna be the boss of HIS life.

[Dezface]

I know a lot of Catholic Mexicans. It's true that the mothers are very involved and often times, pushy. But you know what the people I know did? They stood up to their mothers and some point and let them know that this is their life and the interference in it won't be tolerated.

I don't do this whole "my parents are making me thing" from adults. Even if you live under their roof. Some allowances and concessions have to be made, yes. But there are lines.

Granted, this isn't about Mexican Catholicism, but when I got married, one of my very best friends and maid of honor, was a Lebanese Muslim. She had strict rules and such too. Last minute, she couldn't come to the rehearsal for the wedding she was IN because her mom said she needed to clean the house. That was it, I was done. Our friendship has never been the same since. I definitely couldn't tolerate that from a man if I know how I reacted with a friend.

Sorry for the lack of advice because I don't have any. I just think this is unacceptable.

[Tooki]

Your SO needs to stand up to his mother.

I also guarantee that if his mother does stay in your house, it will be very awkward and the whole trip will probably fail. I would also not be surprised if she *insisted* (more like force herself) that she go out with you and your SO EVERY TIME.

[Gin_12]

Hi,
Like everyone else, I believe SO needs to stand up to his mother otherwise, this is just the beginning of her intrusion in your relationship. And if down the road you get married and have babies, you bet she'll be all over your birth suite and cut the umbilical cord EVERY TIME...
dramatic but so true for momma's boys

As a mother, she has legitimate concerns but she is smothering him and her worst fears might just end up materializing.
Good luck,
that is a tough spot to be on
What do your parents say about all this?

[Liane]

What an awkward situation! Your SO definitely needs to tell his mother she cannot come along. That is completely inappropriate.

What type of alone-time can you expect to get with your SO if he brings his mother? You'll both feel guilty for leaving her out of things you want to do alone together if she comes. What else will she do? Stay at YOUR parents house alone with them? You said she doesn't speak English, so how can she be expected to communicate with your parents?

PERHAPS, if you can't see a way out of this situation, then maybe his mother could come for the first week so she knows her son is safe and comfortable and you all get to meet each other, and then she can fly home and you and your SO can spend the remainder of his trip by yourselves?
That still is awkward too, but at least it's LESS awkward...

Best of luck to you xx

[hrp2007]

Omg this post reminds me so much of why my LDR ended. His mother came with him on BOTH 7 hour driving trips, he's 27 mind you. I am 23 and made all the trips I did alone, my parents laughed at the thought of them coming with me. I had a momma's boy, and he also said that he confronted her. Well if he did, then why was she still there. He wasn't allowed to go anywhere within 20 minutes of his home without his family. Like really, when it is time to cut the cord? I would also confront him about it, he didn't see a issue. His response always was, "Well, I show up, don't I?'' Blah, just remember if she's there now, she will always be. Feel free to PM me about advice, I have plenty of it.