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the beginning of the end?

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    #1

    the beginning of the end?

    me and my SO have been together for almost 5 months and everything has been going great until recently. a few days ago she disappeared for a whole day and when she finally got on she said we had to talk.

    she told me that she had a crush on a boy and he told her that he liked her. then she started talking about how she needs someone that lives closer to her so they can hug and kiss and be together and take care of eachother. after that she started talking about how she didn't think she could trust herself not to cheat and she wanted to break up with me before she did that and broke my heart. then she started talking about how our relationship is not realistic because we will most likely never meet.

    i convinced her not to break up with me but i still have a bad feeling. i feel like she doesn't like me as much as i thought she did. she does seem like shes not as interested in me as she was before that conversation but im not sure if thats true or if im just being paranoid.

    could things be beginning to fade? and if so how might i be able to fix the situation? or is this a normal thing that i can expect from a LDR and everything will be fine?
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    #2
    Oh dear....
    Without a prospect of ever meeting, I can understand her point.
    I really wish I could give you words of encouragement.. but this is definitely a sign of the beginning of the end. :/

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      #3
      ldr are not for everybody, and i can understand how she feels (i to have day's of doubt, geuss everybody does sometimes) it is hard and it takes a strong person to hold on..
      i think that i would be better to let go, then to get hurt later
      sorry wish i could tell you something better, big hug!!

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        #4
        i just told her that its not impossible and it doesn't matter how unrealistic or improbable it is as long as we are proactive and persistent there's nothing we can't achieve. and i also told her she shouldn't settle for what's realistic she should fight for her dreams, nobody ever fell in love without being a little brave.

        after i said that she said she will try it longer then she asked me if i would let her go peacefully if she wanted someone else. and i said if she really liked him more than me than i wouldn't be able to stop her. that seemed to make her smile and she told me to forget our little argument and made me go to sleep.

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          #5
          you are right with what you told her! i hope she can find her "brave" part good luck to you!

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            #6
            I don't think LDR's work very well when you aren't sure you'll even be able to meet each other. How many years can each of you realistically wait, and still be happy and satisfied? I don't mean to be discouraging, but these are legitimate questions you have to seriously consider, there is more to successful relationships than just love, optimism and hope. She already has a wandering eye, and it's possible that you're at peace with waiting years and years, but I don't think that's going to be something she can handle, from the sound of it. I'm not saying this is impossible, but I am saying you need to do some serious, rational thinking about this. Good luck.
            Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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              #7
              If she's not persistent as you in trying to make this work, then I think it's really better if she just tells you right away instead of cheat on you.

              I wish I can say anything better, but at this point I can only send a hug and a pat on the back to tell you that things are going to get better after this.

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                #8
                If her heart is not in it you'll find yourself in an impossible one-sided battle. Speaking from experience, its draining. If she's not willing to make this work then there's nothing you can so or do to change her mind. She's still got thoughts about someone else, whether or not she can honestly be brave depends on the amount of effort she puts into and honestly it seems like she's buying time and making it seem like she's making an effort because you asked her to. My ex did the same, I was the one who fought harder in our relationship, I was the one who had such a strong conviction that we could pull through. He didn't and although he stuck out our relationship a while longer I could tell that his heart wasn't in it at all. It was over the moment he uttered those words telling me he couldn't do the distance anymore. Taking a break then getting back together, none of it changed anything. It would be better to part ways now than drag this out even longer.

                Like Moon said, there are serious questions you need to discuss and consider before you continue this relationship. I made the mistake of emerging from the break without addressing the questions which loomed over my ex and I. If she doesn't want to talk about them then you pretty much already have your answer.

                Good luck with everything!
                “The ties that binds us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance and time and logic; Because some ties are simply… meant to be.” - Grey’s Anatomy


                >Little Box<



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                  #9
                  "i convinced her not to break up with me..."

                  Oof. That statement kills me.

                  I'm going to be honest and say I don't think it's going to work out. I was in a relationship where I was begging my SO to stay with me. And it wasn't until it was over I realized I deserved someone, heck, EVERYONE deserves someone that is willing to work equally as hard at a relationship. I mean, that's the point of a relationship, right?

                  That said, maybe she wanted you to fight for her the way some insecure girls do... I don't mean that in an insulting way, necessarily. So unless she 360's and agrees that this is worth it and matches your stride, I'd say to let her go. It sucks. But it would mean not wasting any more of your time.

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                    #10
                    Well at least she was honest with you and told you about the feelings toward the other person. Now it's up to you to decide, but ask yourself - would you be happy in the relationship if it continues, with her having confessed she likes someone else too? I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of not being first priority, and not being the only one for my boyfriend - just like he is for me. Even if he stayed with me after confessing such a thing, and deciding to continue with me, I would feel bad for having been put as one of the options. Everything has to be equal in a relationship, the effort put in and the feelings. But I guess everyone is different, people handle situations in their own way. Wish you luck

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