I am looking for some guidance here any and help would be appreciated. Im 45, separated, and a father of 3. A year ago I met a 26 year old woman who lives in the UK while we were video gaming. We quickly became best of friends. She was incredibly supportive a a best friend would be. She even continued to drill me to see if getting a divorce was what I really wanted to do. After I told my wife that I wanted a divorce 9 months ago, this woman and I started to talk about how we had developed deep feelings for each other after talking for so long. We started to discuss meeting after the divorce was final. Then a week and a half ago she really started to doubt if we would ever be able to be a couple with all of immigration hassles that can arise. This overwhelming sense of despair hit her like a ton of bricks. I tried to calm her and told her we need to take one step at a time, but it was still too stressful for her to cope with and she said she didn't even want to try and be disappointed later on down the road. Any advice?
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You can't force someone to be with you. I'm sorry but it sounds like she's made up her mind. LDRs really aren't for everyone, and if she's freaking out at the thought of even trying to make it work, she may not actually be able to cope with the reality of an international LDR.
To be honest, by admitting she's probably not suited to it before you even begin, she's doing you a favour in the long run. Particularly internationally, it's not just about the emotional commitment but the financial and time spent waiting... It takes a lot of heart and strength. And realistically, if you met and fell in love and everything was exactly as you want it to be, wouldn't it be harder for her to give up then?
I don't want to give you false hope, but she might come round at some point. But I don't think there's anything you can really say to facilitate that. Let her have her space on this. I sincerely hope that something good comes your way.
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I find it puzzling that she would rather shield herself from disappointment and risk living with regret that she never tried. If all it is is doubts about the immigration process then its something you can research on together to calm her fears. Maybe its just a temporary freakout. Don't push it on her for now, give her some breathing room and time to absorb her thoughts. Consider planning a visit first before you even tackle immigration.
I hope everything works out for you (:“The ties that binds us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance and time and logic; Because some ties are simply… meant to be.” - Grey’s Anatomy
>Little Box<
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Yes! A visit can make all the difference. No commitment except to meet and see how things go between the 2 of you.Originally posted by commasplice View PostFebruary 2012 -- met online
August 2012 -- he said "I love you."
April 2013 -- met in person
June 2013 -- broke up
July 2013 -- back together
August 2013 -- 2nd visit
October 20, 2013 -- He proposed!
April 22, 2014 -- Married/closed the distance!
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Well it is over :'( We have spent the last week NC and I spoke with her yesterday. Talking to her was like running into a brick wall. She is using her fears and doubts she has now as the basis for the foundation of how the future will be. In other words, she is not considering that her feelings and thought processes may change in the future,she is only focusing on the here and now. Call me overly optimistic, but I still have a slim hope that things can work out. I have about 4 months until my divorce is final. I will use that time to heal and get my personal s**t together. When it becomes final, I will give her first shot with ny newly single heart. If she has grown and is more accepting of a potential us, great If not, then at least I will able to start the next chapter of my life with no regrets and as clean of a slate as I can 
I wish all of you God's blessings and best wishes in your pursuit of love and happiness
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Good luck to you. I hope you can make things work at a later time. You are being very wise in your decision to finish with your divorce and figure out what YOU want first.
February 2012 -- met online
August 2012 -- he said "I love you."
April 2013 -- met in person
June 2013 -- broke up
July 2013 -- back together
August 2013 -- 2nd visit
October 20, 2013 -- He proposed!
April 22, 2014 -- Married/closed the distance!Comment
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Is it possible for you to fly over and visit her? Maybe suggest that you could come to her to meet even if it's just as friends?~Shaunna~
*Distance isn't an obstacle when it comes to love, but rather a great reminder on just how strong true love can be*
We're engaged
2014 - save $$, 2015 - get married, 2016 - make the big move! Comment
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I can, but only after my divorce is final. When that happens, I can make that suggestion to her. We are doing our best to stay friends as well Kinda awkward at times and we don't communicate nearly as much, but we are trying.
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