How to deal with sadness

[lea22]

So I've been with SO for 18 months. We met when I was studying in Australia where my family also lives. My visa ran out and I moved back to England, which was just the saddest and most stressful time of my life.
Anyway, things went from strength to strength with relationship and we visit each other every 4 months on average.
Even tho I appreciate this is often I don't deal with it well, and like today when we separated my heart was breaking with sadness. I literally cry all day on separation days, only stopping for short periods of time.

I don't want to keep doing this and risk annoying SO any more, so would like advice on how to get it together and how others cope?

[Alsfia]

I think no one will protest if I claim allowing yourself to be sad and keep yourself busy with school/work/hobbies/friends is a bit of a mantra for most LDRs... There's quite a few threads on this topic, maybe check those out? Also there's a ton of fun ideas at the things to do threads, the closing the distance section is also a good platform in planning a possible move.
I don't quite understand why your SO would be annoyed at you? He loves you, doesn't he? Well that should help him understand that it hurts to leave eachother, though he'd have to be made out of stone not to feel down himself...
There's tons of support and advice here, so look around a bit

[Jess!]

Having an idea about when is the next visit or when you will close the distance helps a lot!
I try to see us as a team. If one is sad, they should let the other help and fight it together. Maybe more skype time, more letters, or more activities together can help too!

[Mims27]

You really just have to keep busy and not dwell on the sad stuff. My SO and I have been together almost 3.5 years and I still get really sad and ball my eyes out when we go back our seperate ways after a trip. It doesn't really get any easier but you learn different tricks for dealing with it.

[Jess!]

You really just have to keep busy and not dwell on the sad stuff. My SO and I have been together almost 3.5 years and I still get really sad and ball my eyes out when we go back our seperate ways after a trip. It doesn't really get any easier but you learn different tricks for dealing with it.

Aww! I think the more time passes, after returning home or being separated I am like "don't cry. You survived the last time. It is not like you are going to literally die if you don't see him. Hold on". It gets easier for me because I realize that those tricks work, and that I am dealing better with the separation as time goes by... But I always knew when we started LDR that within a year we'd be together if everything went well. At the beginning it seemed a long way, and it was, but as we are aproaching the end of the LDR I feel more calm and relaxed...

[lea22]

I'm fine usually in the long term, it's the actual separation and the hours before that I struggle with. When I get back to "normality" I'm usually okay.

I think I'm luckier than most- we always know when the next visit will be but I'm getting to the end of my tolerance for traveling, expensive trips and goodbyes.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I sympathise - we're AUS-UK too and when you're miserable, 24 hours worth of travelling is the last thing you want to do. Last flight I had back from visiting him, I had a newly married honeymooning couple sat next to me (in the opposite aisle, but next to me) and I had a two minute internal rant at whatever karmic force had put me in my miserable state next to such a happy, in love couple.

I think the thing to bear in mind is that when you visit, there's adjustment period to being together and adjustment period to being apart again. Like you said, you get used to it when you're back to normality. The best thing you can do for yourself is quickly get back into normality as soon as possible so you can start to readjust to your everyday life. And try and remember that the horrible just-finished-a-visit stage does end, and you don't feel this awful the whole time apart.

It also doesn't hurt to eat extra ice cream.

[Sanja]

I am still trying to adjust to being back from the visit. Not an easy task, but I go to work and just try to get through the day!

[chizatlauren]

My way to overcome my sadness is to keep myself busy. I work more and I work harder, while encouraging myself that the money I'll earn from my job will be for my plane tickets to visit my SO. The more I work, the faster I earn money to be with him.

[Fudgee]

You're still lucky guys you already met your partners. Me I still have to wait for 1-2years more. But I've been through this a lot, and is still experiencing this. It's true I followed some advises, go out with friends, enjoy my work, rest more which means less stress for me. But it is hard not to think about it. But he always reminds me that the countdown app I have here in my phone that it will eventually go down. I remember when I got this it was 900 days, now its 871 days left til the estimated day for our 1st meeting. One day at a time, we will come to that day.
Cheer up! and do as what others says

[lea22]

I sympathise - we're AUS-UK too and when you're miserable, 24 hours worth of travelling is the last thing you want to do. Last flight I had back from visiting him, I had a newly married honeymooning couple sat next to me (in the opposite aisle, but next to me) and I had a two minute internal rant at whatever karmic force had put me in my miserable state next to such a happy, in love couple.

I think the thing to bear in mind is that when you visit, there's adjustment period to being together and adjustment period to being apart again. Like you said, you get used to it when you're back to normality. The best thing you can do for yourself is quickly get back into normality as soon as possible so you can start to readjust to your everyday life. And try and remember that the horrible just-finished-a-visit stage does end, and you don't feel this awful the whole time apart.

It also doesn't hurt to eat extra ice cream.

Sooo good to know I'm not the only one who gets internal rage and check-in desk jealousy at couples who are traveling together!

[C.M.]

Not to hijack this thread, but I wish it eventually got easier. My so is still here for a week and then we will see each other at Christmas but I haven't been able to stop crying for days and my entire body is sore because I am so sad at the thought of not being with him again.

[Fudgee]

Not to hijack this thread, but I wish it eventually got easier. My so is still here for a week and then we will see each other at Christmas but I haven't been able to stop crying for days and my entire body is sore because I am so sad at the thought of not being with him again.

I think it's ok to cry sometimes. I do that too,even though me and SO haven't met yet.
Well i think it's harder after you've been together. Rather than wanting to see him/her for the 1st time.
I always feel sad whenever I'm down and I try my best not to show him I'm crying especially on skype.
I'll force that fake smile and say I'm okay. Really hard not to be with him right?
Plus I'm alone and away from my family and he always keeps me company.
I go out too ofcourse but not all the time. I need to save some money.

[fwooper]

I believe it gets easier every time. At first I would be sad and cry even for the whole last day together...but last month, I didn't cry at all! (3 years have passed). You've got to learn focusing on the good side of things. Being sad while still there with him is just a waste of precious time, so I hold on and force myself to think only of how happy I feel with him that very moment. Also, stop thinking of the day you leave. I know as days go by the thought is haunting you, but push it away! And I know how sad my boyfriend gets when I am sad, so somehow you have to get a grip for the both of you! And once you're apart, start immediately thinking of your next visit! Don't regret things you didn't have time to do this time, think of them instead as a ready made list for next time! I also find comforting listening to podcasts of motivational speeches (my bf and I listen to them both), but that's me a lot of chocolate and food helps too. I'm always happier with a full tummy!

[Jaka]

i had to go to the airport today he was here for 4 weeks and it was amazing. But now its over and the worst thing is that i dont know when i will see him again because the flights are like 1000€ and next year i wont be able to go and he tries to save money so that he can pay a german class and come to germany to work or study here. So it might be 2 years until I see him again. I just feel so incredibly alone! Does anyone have any advice for me, how i might feel better or something.