what if "no spark" happened, what did u do? (only real experiences please)

[innocentbutterfly]

o some of you know me from my previous topics and either way i decided to go see this guy in real. First, let me ask you this, is it normal, that he said this when i asked him about meeting? He said, he is unsure of reality because, we didnt touch, smell, hug , look into each others eyes, or hold each others hands, he said almost 2years of us together is "just internet" he said if he doesnt feel anything when he hugs me, all will be empty for him. Is it okay that he called all just internet, meaning he does love me, but thats now, hes just realist and wants to see if that love wasnt just like or infatuation in real? And when he says if he doesnt feel anything at hug, what should he be feeling? What did you guys feel with your SO? Did it happen instantly at the airport or later when u stayed with them in hotel/house/spent time with them and how were u sure what u feel wasnt just a moment of lust? Because the way i understand him, hes looking for that spark, but how much does the spark have to do with physical attraction? Because if he loves me now.. Could it be that my not really model body (i got average body, no hot stuff, no flat stomach yadda yadda), even if he saw me in my eve costume already on photos/videos, could that still contribute to that "spark"?

I want to know your real experiences guys, for those that didnt meet all excited, you just did and hoped for online love to be real, how did it happen for you, how did it feel? When it happened, how u felt it and what did you do if you didnt feel the spark - what did you feel then and did you decide to still stay together, how did you "compensate" for that spark? did you stay, did you leave early and say goodybye?

I really need details and help from you guys. I know youre the best community to ask and i hope i can get my fears to rest just a little bit by what u will tell me from personal experiences.

Me and my guy we are on the verge of a breakup just because of his fears, because i believe and am more positive and hes realist. I even doubt if i should go at times, because his fears and realism is transferring negative on me. He says he isnt sure, but still wants me to come, though he isnt excited, and he says he doesnt have a reason, he just wants that, but hes staying realist, saying, when u come here you will come as a tourist and from there we will decide we will decide yes or no based on what we feel in real... I don0t know thought if it's good that idea "come as a tourist" since still I am his girlfriend...?

So, guys, please, share with me Whatever you got, even if its your friends experience, ill take anything. My departing is in 20days and ive never been such a wreck in my life


EDIT: and in your opinion guys, what are the chances that a spark or really no attraction at all would happen? I mean is it even possible even if ur so sure of your love online?

[digitalfever]

Your boyfriend does not sound like a realist but he sure as heck sounds like he's trying to minimize the situation to protect himself incase your meet isn't a positive one.


I'd assume this is much like when you are Internet dating and there isn't a first meeting "spark." He's probably trying to prepare himself for the worst but secretly hoping for the best.

[innocentbutterfly]

hmm, could be, but you mean in a way that he thinks I wouldn't feel something? Because the way he talks I interpret it as if he is afraid that he wouldn't feel something.

he did say, If you want to come, I will wait you, but if you don't want, I won't force you.

[Sanja]

When I decided I'd travel to meet with my SO, we both wondered what will it be like when we first see each other and if the feelings we had talked about were real. He waited at the airport ( my flight was delayed for 6 hours), and we walked up to each other, hugged and kissed as if we had done it before. We couldn't stop looking at each other and he just held me. I don't know about the sparks flying, but I felt so much love and need while he held me close, telling me I was more than what he was hoping for. Meeting in person was absolutely wonderful and we both loved every moment we spent together. If there ever was any doubt about how "real" all of it would feel, it disappeared the moment we saw each other.

[digitalfever]

I'm not really pin pointing whose not going to feel something because either way if one feels something and the other doesn't the relationship won't pan out.

I'm just saying it looks as though he's preparing for the worst rather than hoping for the best.

[innocentbutterfly]

well digitalfever but that's normal, right? i mean probably every ldr couple went in it with "no expectations" even if they felt so much in love online, it's just a kind of precaution, no? for like self safety

[innocentbutterfly]

When I decided I'd travel to meet with my SO, we both wondered what will it be like when we first see each other and if the feelings we had talked about were real. He waited at the airport ( my flight was delayed for 6 hours), and we walked up to each other, hugged and kissed as if we had done it before. We couldn't stop looking at each other and he just held me. I don't know about the sparks flying, but I felt so much love and need while he held me close, telling me I was more than what he was hoping for. Meeting in person was absolutely wonderful and we both loved every moment we spent together. If there ever was any doubt about how "real" all of it would feel, it disappeared the moment we saw each other.

well I suppose yo did meet tho with all the excitement going on?

With us, we don't have that, because he's so full of that doubt or fear, whatever that is, that as he says he is relaxed. He just wants to meet and see what will happen, but he assured me he knows for now, for all that time that he does love me and see me as his girlfriend and cares for me when I had a talk with him right now

and your hug and kiss, I guess that happened naturally? Since probably it's what you both felt u wanted to do, meaning instant spark?

[kittyo9]

It doesn't happen often, but there have been a few couples who have met offline after an online relationship and found that they were not really that compatible. I imagine those people have mostly left the forum after their relationships did not turn out well. However, the majority of people who meet their SO after an online relationship (myself included) do just fine and establish great physical relationships on top of emotional ones. I think they usually just try to make the best of it (as long as it's still a safe environment) and break it off, then go back either a little early or when they initially planned.

When I went to meet my SO, I was really nervous about him being disgusted by my body (I'm a fat girl), us not getting along as well in person, or feeling uncomfortable in this new country away from everything I've ever known. I was also really excited because I was so, so sick of not being able to be with him, and it felt like a big, "Fuck you!" to everything and everyone who ever got in our way.

When I got to the airport, I had to go through customs and everything, so that kind of gave me time to calm down from being stuck in my head while I was on the plane. When I went out into the waiting area, I wasn't sure what to really look for or expect because of course I'd seen him in pictures and on webcam, but neither is really like the physical effect. I actually didn't feel that physically attracted to him at first, it wasn't a "love at first sight" moment, but when he started smiling and laughing with me, all the barriers kind of melted away and it only took a couple hours to get comfortable with him. By the first week, we were 100% comfortable and knew that we'd made the right decision.

[innocentbutterfly]

wow kittyo9, I like your experience, speacially that **** you attitude to those skeptic people that always tell us don't go there right

I hope mine will be positive too, though we have argued so much online already and he says if I'm that stubborn in reality he won't want to be with me, but lots of it is distance playing with my nerves. Besides, specially now, this is my first travel anywhere alone or with airplane and I'm already all frustrated about that, so I can only hope I won't have to have another frustration over us not being attracted. I mean we do both like to laugh and joke, that is one thing we got in common, in others we are more like different, but we will have to see in real.

[Sanja]

Yes, the hug and a kiss came naturally . You can't really know how it will go until that moment comes. Both my SO and I discussed the possibility of us not liking each other. Luckily that did not happen. I hope you get to meet soon and that everything works out for you just as you hope it will.

[innocentbutterfly]

Well Sanja, it's in 19 days and I can't stress enough how frustrated/nervous/worried/thoughtful/confused/a bit scared I am + a bit excited but not too much, because I don't wanna to destroy everything by thinking too positive

[Sanja]

The first meeting does bring about a mix of emotions and its only natural. I wish you the best, and try not to stress over it too much. I know it isn't easy, but you can do it

[GFI_1155]

I have never thought about what you said before, now I'm thinking seriously about it. I was "thinking what if his love for me and my love for him/me is only on internet what if I/he see him/me and feel nothing or no spark"
I just thought about "what If dont hug him or kiss him when we first meet, what If he looks different than pictures and webcam"
I still havent met my SO yet, so those thoughts are going around in my head when I read your thread, it is weird that. I didnt consider something like this would happen. I dont want to overthink it even though I know I would. I think I should hope for the best cause I know I want to see him but cannot do it now.

[PrincessJOE]

As the other posters said, there obviously is a little chance things could be different from what you and your SO imagined etc, but that's something you can know only if you meet for real.
It's normal being very nervous before a first meeting, and imo people can react in two different ways: showing their excitement and expectations, or, like your SO, trying to 'protect' themselves, considering the bad options.

As regards my SO and me, we ve known each other for a couple of years, but we didn't become a couple until we met. We were both hoping for something, but we officially met as 'friends'. Honestly, it helped me a lot, cos it kinda avoided the awkward moment of telling him (or being told) 'I'm sorry but it's not as I thought' in case things didnt work.
I know its a bit different for you as you already are his gf, but maybe it could help you telling him to meet as friends, maybe itll let him enjoy the weeks before and the meeting itself in a more relaxed way

As regards hugs, kisses and the spark... it was very natural. We had a long hug as soon as we met and thats when we understood something was going to change in our lives and in our 'friendship'. we were pretty embarrassed during the first hours, but by the end of the day it felt like we were together for years

If i can give you an advice for your first day with him... for how romantic you can imagine it to be being just you two, choose a place where you are not alone, but at the same time you dont necessarely need to relate to other people (like a nice long walk, or a park): it helped us a lot while the embarrass was still high being able to talk about the people around us, it would have been much more difficult to get confident if we were alone face to face since the first moments once you ll feel at ease together, you'll have plenty of nice moments alone

Good luck!

[Ahava]

When my so and I met for the first time (I went to see him and he picked me from the airport, we spent a weekend in a villa in a forest, there were atleast a thousand small villas there, the place had a tropical swimming pool, restaurants, shop, game areas etc etc) I seriously thought he wasn't into me, because he was shy. And I didn't realise that was it right away. He did hug me at the airport and I think he tried to kiss me on the cheek. He had booked the weekend at that place as a suprise for me, only told me in the car (he'd kept it a secret for 3 months). There were plenty of great settings for a first kiss the first day and evening (for instance in the jaccuzzi when it was just the two of us). It made me think he didn't like me/find me attractive. Finally after getting in bed and me feeling really down and I thought he didn't like me but was obviously gonna be a gentleman and go through the weekend with me, after a while he came close to me and put his arm around me. That feeling insured me I was wrong and I can still remember how good it felt.
It did take up to the next evening and some drinks to get to the first kiss though LOL which then took ages and we both really liked it
I love my shy guy