Advice!! My story!! International.

[AyyeeJP]

Hey guys!

Im very very new to this.

Im new to this "so called LDR"

Honestly this could be the biggest dilemma i have ever to experience. I've never even thought of having an LDR ever in my life! But it just happened!

This is gnna be a LONG story so you dont have to read it if you dont want to. Maybe Skim??

So heres my story. We've met on omegle. How cliche... so what.. Right from the get go, we immediately had a spark when we talked. everytime i would go on omegle it would just be for fun with friends, i never actually go on by myself ever! but for some reason there was something about this girl, she was different. I mean ive met many girls on omegle with friends but for some reason i took an interest on her. we decided to continue talking to each other and continue to talk for a month, but here is the thing, we both never even thought of having an LDR, it was TOTALLY new to her as well. It was different, it was something else really. Within that month of talking we have gotten a lot closer, to the point where we gotten to like each other. To the point where we questioned ourselves. we were attached. Something we both thought would never happen. we thought to ourselves "we got in really deep" deep as in feelings wise. I was there for her as she was there for me. In that short month we've gotten to know each other quite WELL. but heres the second month. january.. Early January she called me crying. She told me that she couldnt do this anymore. due to the fact this was long distance and we have never met each other. that bothered me as well...at the time. i guess we both thought that we didnt wanna have feelings for each other because this was long distance, we both agreed on that. so that month january. we ended it. We didnt talk for a month. February, we started to talk on Valentines day...how cliche again...so what.. anyways at that time we didnt really think of it much. i minded my own business as she did her own thing. didnt really talk much that month. march came by and this is where we started to talk again but not sooo much but we did talk here and there. maybe 3 times a week. more or less. April. we started to talk a little bit more than usual or say last month. this month went well. we didnt really think of much either. but May..This is where we started to talk a lot more. knowing our past we both knew we tried to keep this talking as minimal as possible and not get too attached which worked pretty fine. we webcammed here and there talked on the phone here and there. i was loving it, we were pacing our talking and we werent too attached, we didnt really show emotion with our talking, it was more like friends talking to each other. June came up, this is where it started to pick up! that whole month we were vibing, talking, showing affection, and i think she knew i liked her at that time. at this point we kinda knew what was going on, i liked her but i wasnt sure if she liked me as well, i was confused. but the little things kinda showed that she did like me but i wasnt tooooo sure about it. July her birthday month. Her Bday was July 4th, how crazy in my opinion. i gave her a beautiful present, well i think so. It was just a me showing emotion through a song. she loved it! she was speechless. but i came to realized to myself what WAS I DOING?!?!?!? WHAT AM I DOING!?!?! i was totally lost within myself, lost with feelings, i just felt really lost. i had feelings for her but still wasnt sure if she had feelings for me. I was persistent. i didnt care, i have feelings for and that was what was going through my head. i guess what i was feeling was I have feelings for you but i dont want these feelings for you. it just happened. So i did what i thought was best for me and for her. On july 9 i told her that i couldnt talk to her no more. I told her that this **EXTREMELY LONG COPY & PASTE COMING YOUR WAY* "I don't think i can talk to you any longer. i just really cant anymore. I know i said ill always be there for you but this time i dont think i can continue. I wanted to be your friend, i still do but i cant continue this any longer. I always tell myself that i will stop but then i dont and i just continue to live this lie. i dont want to continue living this lie anymore and i dont want to be feeling like this nor having feelings for you. every time i dont talk to you for a couple days i always have this need to want to talk to you and i cant help it. when ever i do start talking to you again consistently i start to develop feelings again and the worst part is that i hide every single emotion that i have for you. The times where i dont have any feelings for you what so ever and then i would start getting close to you again, feelings start to re emerge. I cant always be doing this, this thing is like a cycle going around and around. im believing in false hope and a lie to my own self which is why i cant continue. im very sorry if me your friend has to leave, im really really sorry about that. im sorry that i cant be there for you when youre having a bad day and be by your side. im truly sorry with bottom of my heart. dont worry ive known you long enough to know that youre a very strong person and a very strong willed girl. You can take on anything and the world cant say shit. Youre an amazing girl, an amazing friend, an amazing person dont ever ever forget that. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL dont forget that tooo. You are your own person and no one will ever take that away from you. You were literally the greatest thing to ever happen within these past 9 months of knowing you. Thanks for being such a great friend. Ill miss you for sure but this is best for me to do.dont be sad. maybe in the future i wont feel like this anymore and we can just be friends and only friends but right now i just cant.

I'll miss you. thanks for the memories.

Jan"

That was basically my way of telling her IT HAS ENDED. she read it and didnt say a word. We didnt talk since then. i still was thinking of her even when i wasnt talking to her. Here is the thing, this is where it got to me she messaged me VERY recently, Sunday to be exact. asked if i was doing fine yadayada, end of the conversation it went. i told her i wanted to talk to her again and asked if was sure, i said i dont know! she told me to think about it. I thought about it gave it a day. messaged her the next day. to summarize that convo. i came to find out that she really liked me but said "I really like you but i dont like that i like you" AND THIS WAS BASICALLY WHAT I WAS FEELING THE WHOLE DAMN TIME!!! so in conclusion the end of the convo we came to a conclusion that we wouldnt talk for a month, her idea. At the end of the month we would see if we still like each other and being able to talk again comfortably. And this is where it gets me we both like each other still but i know for a fact no matter what happens ill still have feelings for her no matter what we do. from what im seeing she only wants to talk to as like if we were friends. and i guess i would want that too. but then i thought of something, i had only 2 choices in my eyes. Either to stop talking completely/end it or talk to her again knowing ill still like her no matter what and continue to live a lie with false hope. Then IT HIT ME!!! WHY DO I ONLY HAVE 2 CHOICES, WHY THIS OR THAT!! I came to a conclusion that why cant we give this a try, give this relationship a shot? i plan on telling her soon or when that month comes which is aug 30. the thing is I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. Im scared of trying, im scared of what this could become, im scared of a lot of things which is why im so hesitant or maybe she feels the same way that i do now. but ive made a decision to ask her and give this a try cause i think im ready.

So guys what do you think? any advice any insight anything at all?

Sorry for the whole story, it happened.

[Safihre]

Welcome to the forum

Is there a possibility for one of you to visit? Is one (or both!) of you financially able to go at least once and possibly more? Cause in that case I'd say: fly baby, fly!
I'm saying this because both of you seem to hate the fact you can't physically be there for eachother.. so if you want to see if this is real, then be together!

Of course: you can continue to talk more for months like some other people that met online do, but you both don't seem to want to not know where it's going.
Setting a first meeting and living towards that will make it soo much more bearable that you can't be together now.

[Mims27]

My SO and I met online as well, and eventhough we weren't as far apart as you are, I pretty much had the same reaction you did. What the heck am I doing, this could never work, it's too hard...you know, all that positive stuff! lol But then I realised the heart wants what it wants. You can't really control that, right? You don't have to make any big decisions yet, it's all still pretty new. Just go with the flow; you don't have to know where it's going quite yet. An online relationship can still be very fulfilling and tons of fun! Perhaps like Safihre mentioned, one of you could go see the other? See if the chemistry is there in person as well. Life is short so why not do something that make you happy!

[AyyeeJP]

Oh guys!!! Thanks for the responses! this really helps me!! Its not like i havent thought of seeing her, in fact thought about it many times. I actually even asked her if i could go see her, she seemed very hesitant at first but now i feel like she would want me to. Great responses. I will just continue to go with the flow and see how this pans off! I really want this to work out, even though this is my VERY FIRST online/long distance relation. I really like this girl and i will continue this thing we have. thanks again guys.

[dizzyupthemeg]

New relationships are scary in general. New LDR relationships are even scarier because there are a ton of unknowns. I was 17 when I started talking to my SO. We also did the whole off and on friendship thing while flirting like mad because neither of us wanted a LDR. We both went on with our lives for YEARS, but in the end we always came back to each other. At one point, we just decided to stop fighting it and let it be. That was one of the best decisions I ever made.

It's hard. It takes a lot of work, but if you think she is worth it than try it. It doesn't sound like just a friendship is an option here, so you don't have much to lose. You don't want to always have a "what if." I second what the poster above me said about trying to plan a visit. Visits can change everything, and make you realize just how worth it the relationship may be.

Stick around the forum some. You've found a place full of people who are in the same situation as you, and we will all tell you that it can be done and that it is worth it. Welcome to LFAD!

[Moon]

So, what are your situations? You wrote a lot about the emotional stuff, but are you students? Do you have a passport (if not, go get one!)? If you both save, can you pull off a couple of visits a year? You need to step back, take a breath and look at this with some practicality LDR's definitely work, as you can see around here, but until you venture into one, you won't know if you can handle them. Yep, they can crash and burn spectacularly, but no more so than any close distance one can, it's like any other relationship, some work, some don't

If you can, arrange to meet, it really makes a difference and gives a lot of clarity. If you have feelings for this girl, why not give it a try? If you don't, you'll wonder about it forever. Good luck.