Need some advice :c

[amy2307]

Hi everyone..

I posted on here about a month ago, it was about my ''boyfriend'' leaving to go to Australia for 8 months (ish). He's messing me about so much without even realising. We broke up because he didn't think it was fair on me and stuff and I eventually agreed that it was the right thing to do but we're still talking on the phone. I'm still in love with him so it's really hard for me when he says he misses me and all this boyfriendy stuff when we're not together and when he says he doesn't want to be with me. PLUS he might be out there for a whole year depending on what his exam results are (he gets them in August). I know I'm being messed around but I also know he has strong feelings for me but he just doesn't know what he wants. I want to tell him not to phone me anymore and to just break off contact and just see him when he gets back maybe and try to be friends then cause I can't handle things the way they are right now. He takes up so much space in my head and it's not good for me.

Anyway as I'm not experienced in this kind of thing some advice would be very helpful

[Dezface]

You have to find the strength within yourself to cut him off. You've already stated its the right thing to do, it's just doing it that's the challenge.

Good luck.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Well, if what you want is to tell him to stop contacting you, you know what to do really. It's just getting up the courage to actually tell him that you don't want contact.

I remember your previous post about him not wanting to be together while he was away, and I really applaud you for your strength in carrying that decision through, even though it wasn't what YOU wanted.

It's really unfair of him to be contacting you so much if he doesn't really want to be together, and I think maybe that's something you should point out to him. I've been in his shoes, and it's hard letting go of the things that you're comfortable with, but like I said, it's really not fair on you. He may not realise or appreciate that the contact is taking such a toll on you.

He made his decisions, he has to respect yours. If I were you I'd let him know that his messaging is messing with your head, and that actually you need some space and time away from him so you can deal with the situation for yourself.

It's hard, for both of you, but if you don't both want to be together while he's away, you both need to give each other your space to get on with your lives.

[AppleDog22]

If I were you I'd let him know that his messaging is messing with your head, and that actually you need some space and time away from him so you can deal with the situation for yourself.

Being brutally honest about your feelings could help. It's a chance to air your side of things and a chance for him to show how much he cares for and respects you...by giving you the space you're asking for.

I had a similar situation. My (now) SO and I were in constant contact, but there were no guarantees or even serious feelings or expectations spoken. Those things, feeling frustrated when I didn't hear from him, thinking about him constantly, shutting myself off from other relationships, and just general confusion about what we were and if we had a future was soooo stressful and I was hard on myself for letting this "relationship" take such a toll on me. I let him know and said I needed indefinite space--no more contact. He respected that and it was a REALLY good time for me to feel strong in my decisions and in myself.

But if taking space is your decision, you have to be ready to stick to it and possibly handle some mixed feelings later down the line (if one of you starts seeing someone else, deciding if someone's restarting contact out of love or missing the easy and familiar, etc.).

So the time away could be great for you. And maybe in that time he'll realize some things about himself and your relationship as much as you will. Best of luck!

[amy2307]

Thank you all for your advice i guess i know what i need to do. Cause this is all new to me it helped to have you guys confirm what i was thinking, i feel kind of guilty because i want to support him while he's away so it is confusing. Anyway i'll phone him tomorrow and speak to him about it all cause there's no point carrying on the way things are. Thanks everyone