Funeral or Fly

[80anthea]

My Grandma after a battle with cancer died last night. I am due to fly out to see my SO on Thursday for 10 days so am very likely to be away when the funeral is. I can't change my flights without a huge financial penalty which I can't afford. If I don't go to USA I won't see him until Christmas. What would you do?

[lyonsgirl]

I'd go to the funeral. My grandfather passed away recently, but due to family being out of the country, the earliest any memorial services are planned for are September. A funeral is for your family. I know you want to see your SO, but you could see him in just a few short months. Your family is grieving right now. I wish I could be with my family to grieve with them.

[rubydissolution]

Most airlines have a death of a family member refund policy. If u present a copy of the death certificate to the airline they should give you a voucher that you can use for a future flight purchase.

That being said...stay for the funeral. Celebrate your grandmas life and all your happy memories you and your family had with her. Then see if u can change your vaca plans.

[elina]

First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss.

I had a similar thing happen to me a few years ago. I was meant to visit my SO in England and my grandmother passed away a few days before my departure, landing the funeral for when I was meant to be away. The plan was for me to go there and then him coming here with me for a week, so we just skipped me going so I could go to the funeral, and he came here as planned. It sucked, he'd made all these plans for us and we were both gutted when I said I wasn't coming, but I just couldn't miss the funeral. Just think about how you would feel when you're that far away and the rest of your family are saying goodbye to your grandmother, and you won't get the chance to.

I got a refund for my flights. I had to go to the hospital though with my dad to get a death certificate, and I hated making my dad go through that, but with that I got the money back. I'd imagine you would get the money back as well. It is a lot of money, after all.

[Safihre]

It depends on so many factors for each individual:
In my situation I would go to my SO since with her I feel more secure and safe. The funeral is just a ceremonial thing for me and always feels somewhat forced, I deal with the loss on my own terms and the physical removal of the person doesn't change that. I'd like to be with the person that can comfort me the best.. My SO. And it might not be the best trip you ever had, but at least he/she can be there for you.

But that's just how I feel about it

[Mairja]

First of all, I too am very sorry for your loss.

If it were me, I would go to the funeral. When my gran died, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant - her funeral fell on my due date, but luckily my son was born 4 days "late" so I was still able to attend. That's something I will forever be grateful for, that I could be there and say my last goodbyes. If you don't go you will most likely end up regretting it, and Christmas isn't that far off, and those few months won't make any difference.

I would definitely look into getting a refund if you can provide a death certificate, like others have said already.

[garnet]

I've lost 3 of my 4 grandparents and haven't been able to attend services for any of them (the one I was closest with didn't have any). I would have selected the funeral over a visit though, especially hearing from the others you are likely able to take care of the financial aspect of it without issue.

[80anthea]

Thanks for all the responses. I've decided I'm still going to see my SO. We are going to do something special on the day together to mark the day, I said my good byes to my Gran when she was alive; I suppose the only real benefit of knowing you'll die soon. I'm not religious so don't need any form of spiritual guidance to get through the grieving, the person who will help the most is my SO, like a friend pointed out earlier if my Gran was here she'd have told me to go!

[snow_girl]

I would still go take your trip. Your Grandma wouldn't want you to miss going on her account. My Grandpa died when I was abroad and I didn't make the funeral. You'll find your own closure, you don't need a funeral to do so. My living Grandparents have also made it clear that I shouldn't stick around because of them and if something was to happen they'd never want me to come back purely because of them. If they were sick I might, but once they've past there isn't much you can do by coming home.

[kiara_silver]

For me if it was already booked I would go, if it was just planning then I would cancel and post pone the trip but since it's paid for already I would still go. My great grandma just passed away recently and the funeral is in a week but i'll be missing it because im over seas with my SO, but when i get back i'll see all my family and pay my respects when I can, and it's family, I think family understands, money spent, and plans made, it's not as if you were being heart less and booked it the day after you found out she passed.

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

I would go to the funeral as I would end up regretting it if I didn't