Are your parents supportive?

[USofSam]

Hi there!

I have a very strict stepfather who has cause a lot of trouble for my relationship.
When he came to visit me for the first time my dad ignored him and made it clear to me that he doesn't approve.
In 1 year and 10 months of dating, he's been causing trouble almost every visit. He always gives my fiancé a hard time
by criticizing him and telling him that he can't take me away and all that. I wanted to stop studying after I got my bachelor degree
to move in with my fiancé. My dad, being the strict dad he is, was absolutely furious and blamed Jordan (my fiancé) for everything.
I always had to be careful not to text too much when my dad was near because I would get a long speech on how "I only care about Jordan"
Of course Jordan doesn't like him much at all because of all that so when he proposed to me he didn't find it necessary to ask my stepfather for permission.
My dad was absolutely furious and started yelling at both of us when we told my parents that we're engaged. He even threatened to kill him.
It was absolutely awful.
When my dad realized he can't keep me away from him he offered me to do my master's in America (because he didn't want us to marry to get me into the country)
I know that my stepfather loves me and is very jealous and doesn't want me to leave and that's why he's been acting like that. However I think his behavior is completely inexcusable.

I hope you guys out there have better luck with the parents and your relationship?
Are they supportive? Or afraid?

[Mellow]

To me it sounds like both your stepfather is just really concerned about you and, you said it yourself too. Maybe he is afraid that he'll never see you again, if you stay with your boyfriend. Who knows. You might want to try to talk about it with him when your boyfriend isn't around. Why does he get so mad? A calm conversation, in which you show you are trying to understand his behaviour might be already enough.
How does your mother feel about the whole situation? You being engaged to someone from a different country? And how does she feel about the behaviour of your stepdad? Maybe she could help you out. It really does sound like quite the extreme reaction but... I believe he'll turn around someday. I mean, he wants you to be happy too right? Hearing that he offered you to finish school in America isn't something a step father who doesn't want to see you happy would do.

As for me? My parents don't know~ but I am sure they wouldn't mind the fact that my boyfriend is from a different country. Have this feeling they were already expecting it anyway.

I wish you good luck with the situation! Just stay positive, I'm sure everything will work out for you somehow.

[USofSam]

Wow your parents don't know? Even after 1 year and 1 month? If you don't want to answer this question that's fine of course but I'm very curious why you're not telling them?

And yes, well my family situation is pretty messy right now, my stepfather and mother are divorcing and he has got a new girlfriend (like 20 years younger than my mom haha...) and ever since he got her he's been a little more supportive, I think mostly because he feels bad for leaving my mom for a younger woman and he doesn't want to lose me and my sister because of that. My mom has always been supportive because she likes Jordan a lot but now with the divorce she's very sad that I'm moving so far away and she tried to convince me several times to stay here or have Jordan move here My stepfather has some anger issues, it's hard to talk to him reasonably unfortunately but as I said, it's improving a tiny little bit (: it was really bad though and I am very lucky that Jordan continued to come visit me even after all that

[princessmaria]

My Dad also threatened my SO's life at one point. He now says he wants nothing to do with him and we never speak about him ever. My SO has tried reaching out to him again though to no avail. I would just keep encouraging your SO to reach out to your stepfather, and vise versa. You alone will not be able to solve the problem. I'm sure your dad is just concerned about your well being. It isn't you he doesn't trust, it's your SO so your SO is the one who has to keep trying to make an effort to smooth over the relationship. Afterall, it actually has nothing to do with your Dad or your SO. The only thing that connects them two is the love they have for you . It's selfish of your Dad to make this all about him and how he feels. Remind him why it's important for them to get along, and what it would mean to you. Let things play out overtime, there's not much that you can do. You can't force it to happen, but as you said, things are improving a little bit so that's good! Give it some time and don't let your SO become discouraged.

[USofSam]

thank you for the advice Maria! I'm a little relieved that I'm not the only one in this situation but of course that really sucks for you

[digitalfever]

My family doesn't really know. My family isn't the type to bring someone back home and introduce them until your engaged.

[Mellow]

Wow your parents don't know? Even after 1 year and 1 month? If you don't want to answer this question that's fine of course but I'm very curious why you're not telling them?

I dont mind answering the question so don't worry about it I've always been rather closed towards my parents. Never brought a boyfriend home. I met my current one online and I don't want to let them worry about it. My mother would be all concerned and stressing about it, probably. I really do want to tell them, which I will eventually, but I feel that the time just isn't right. They have so much to worry about ^_^ So I'd rather not have them worrying about me.

Your situation really does sound like such a chaos right now >_< with the divorce and such... must be tough. Glad to hear that your mother is so supportive of you guys!

[lucybelle]

My family loves my SO and my SO's family loves me. Our families have also met each other.

I'm living away from my family right now and although my mom does wish I would move back home, she's 100% happy for me. We're about to move back to the USA and I know my SO's family will miss him, but they're also happy for us. The part that actually makes me upset is I know for sure my SO's parents will never be granted visitor's visas to visit the USA. So they'll never see where we live in the USA, which was important for me here in CR. But, in the USA we'll make more money and be able to visit CR more often!

[USofSam]

I dont mind answering the question so don't worry about it I've always been rather closed towards my parents. Never brought a boyfriend home. I met my current one online and I don't want to let them worry about it. My mother would be all concerned and stressing about it, probably. I really do want to tell them, which I will eventually, but I feel that the time just isn't right. They have so much to worry about ^_^ So I'd rather not have them worrying about me.

Your situation really does sound like such a chaos right now >_< with the divorce and such... must be tough. Glad to hear that your mother is so supportive of you guys!

Oooh I see, that makes perfect sense, thanks for explaining (: yeah support from anyone really means a lot in a LDR in my opinion because there's a lot more people who say "that's not gonna work" than people who are supportive sadly :/

[USofSam]

My family loves my SO and my SO's family loves me. Our families have also met each other.

I'm living away from my family right now and although my mom does wish I would move back home, she's 100% happy for me. We're about to move back to the USA and I know my SO's family will miss him, but they're also happy for us. The part that actually makes me upset is I know for sure my SO's parents will never be granted visitor's visas to visit the USA. So they'll never see where we live in the USA, which was important for me here in CR. But, in the USA we'll make more money and be able to visit CR more often!

wow not even visitor's visas?? that is super strict maybe you can try a video diary, film your surroundings for them, it's not much but at least they'll see something (: but it's wonderful to hear that you all get along so well , I'm happy for you guys

[emsimes]

My mom and her side of the family were extremely against my relationship at first. But after a few months of being with my SO and seeing that he really does love and care about me, they came around. Now, my SO and my family get along well

I really hope things turn around with your stepdad. I'm sure it's hard for him to accept and he is scared to lose you, but at the same time, you are an adult and you have the ability to make your own decisions! Just because you move to the US, it does not mean that your stepdad can no longer be in your life. I hope he comes to understand that as well.
Best of luck to you!

[Ejoriah]

Wow, I can understand a concerned parent reacting that way to a teenager, but if you've finished your bachelor's degree then you're an adult and really shouldn't have to hear stuff like that.

I made it very clear to my mother that she is not to butt into my romantic life unless I ask her to. She annoys me by making the most judgmental comments about people I date and we've come to an understanding that I can look after myself and would appreciate if she kept her comments to herself. She knows about Jason and I guess is happy for me - we don't really discuss the issue.

I don't turn to my mother for support in my long distance relationship... It's what I have all of you guys for

[USofSam]

My mom and her side of the family were extremely against my relationship at first. But after a few months of being with my SO and seeing that he really does love and care about me, they came around. Now, my SO and my family get along well

I really hope things turn around with your stepdad. I'm sure it's hard for him to accept and he is scared to lose you, but at the same time, you are an adult and you have the ability to make your own decisions! Just because you move to the US, it does not mean that your stepdad can no longer be in your life. I hope he comes to understand that as well.
Best of luck to you!

He feels betrayed and says I don't care about my family, only about Jordan
Oh well I have concrete plans for moving so it'll be ok (:
thank you for sharing your story!

[USofSam]

Wow, I can understand a concerned parent reacting that way to a teenager, but if you've finished your bachelor's degree then you're an adult and really shouldn't have to hear stuff like that.

I made it very clear to my mother that she is not to butt into my romantic life unless I ask her to. She annoys me by making the most judgmental comments about people I date and we've come to an understanding that I can look after myself and would appreciate if she kept her comments to herself. She knows about Jason and I guess is happy for me - we don't really discuss the issue.

I don't turn to my mother for support in my long distance relationship... It's what I have all of you guys for

haha yeah I'm not even a teenager anymore, I was 20 when I met Jordan and now I am 22 (:
I wish I could tell my stepfather that too! But things don't work that way here unfortunately :')

[Freebird]

My relationship is still new, and I've only really told my mother about my long-distance boyfriend. She called him a "pen pal" and didn't take me very seriously at first. After a few weeks I told her he was planning on visiting in a few months. She was a bit baffled... I don't think she really comprehended how strong I feel about him. She asked if she could meet him. We haven't really created official plans so that's still up in the air. I told her, if we were nearby when he visits, we would have lunch or dinner but the rest of the time would be for ME AND HIM. My dear mother, love her to death... I had to make it clear this wasn't going to be a "mom, daughter, oh and that 3rd wheel boyfriend guy" visit!

I've not met by SO in person yet so I'm not sure I'm ready for the family to meet him either. A short visit with my mom might not be too bad though... maybe.

I've not told anyone else in my family, but to be honest I'm not as close to anyone else except my mom. As time goes on, they will eventually know. But right now it's not a pressing issue. I imagine they won't take me very seriously as well either.

To you, good luck. I can imagine how frustrating your situation is. But I must say, this is YOUR life. Not your stepfather's. You are in charge of your own life. You do what you feel is right with your SO.