Trust

[mandywriter]

Okay, so I'm not really sure how to begin, but this has been bugging me. My SO and I haven't really been together for long--three months to be exact--but it feels like much longer. In the beginning we were always talking, all day long, from the moment I got up until the moment he went to sleep. About eight - ten hours. Sometimes even more than that. We talked about everything, and from the start I felt i could trust him. I DO trust him. I can usually have a pretty good feeling about people and I don't trust easily. But I do trust him and I know he is honest with me.

But there are random moments when he will say something about something, and I'll just get this weird feeling that he isn't being honest with me. And I don't ever want to bring it up or say anything to him or ask him about it because I don't want to upset him. He's given me no reason to not trust him. I DO trust him. But there are just these moments where I just don't feel right and feel like he isn't being honest.

Does anyone else get these feelings? To be honest I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or tips or anything, though they would be helpful, but I think I'm just maybe trying to vent and see what everyone has to say and if they feel these same things sometimes toward their SO. I hope this made sense.

Okay, scratch that, maybe I am asking for advice as well. If you have these same feelings, how do you overcome them? I hate when these feelings emerge.

[Dezface]

No. Not about my current SO. I did have them about a former relationship though and turns out my gut feelings were right. I'm not saying you should full on accuse your SO of lying as you really have no reason to believe he is, but I always tell people not to ignore their gut either. If you feel something is off, it just may be.

[Kiyama]

What gives y that feeling? Is whatever you describe unlikely to be true?
If so, then what's wrong discussing it in a playful way? You know, like " no way. Come on, now you're kidding me. That can't be true" and see where it goes from there.
Trust takes time to gain and as you say, it's only been three months so it's only natural you don't believe every thing you hear. If he doesn't give any reason not to trust you and it's only a vague feeling, I wouldn't act on it really unless in the way I described above.

[Zapookie]

I've had that feeling before about people, and usually my gut is right. I'd try and ask him about it next time it happens. Talking is key.

[ThePiedPiper]

I have had both experiences, where my gut has turned out to be right and where I've been given the proof that made me feel silly I even doubted in the first place. I'm a skeptic by nature and men tend to get the worst of it. I agree with the others, though, there's nothing wrong in talking about it. It doesn't matter that he's given you no reason to doubt him. Trust takes more than a few months to build completely, in my opinion anyway. Don't go accusing him left and right, but there's nothing wrong with being a healthy skeptic and getting to know him better by asking questions as they arise.

[mandywriter]

Thanks everyone! He's a very honest person, he's never really given me a reason not to trust him. But there are these few moments where I feel weird when he'll say something and i'll feel like what he's saying isn't the truth. And it's not about super big things, it's just maybe about the reason why he's going out of town (He plays cricket, so there are a few weekends where he goes out of his town to go play) and then there are times where he may say his phone is dying (He's usually on his phone when we're IMing) but then later he'll say he has a little bit of charge?

Don't know if this is really a gut feeling or if I'm just natural at second guessing lately because of my ex who lied about EVERYTHING? I don't want to compare him to my son's father because he is NOTHING like him, and i'm not, but maybe that has little to do with it? Don't know, just wish I didn't have these feelings. =/

[Kitty Boo]

Given your last post about your last relationship, it seems pretty understandable that you'd be getting these feelings! But as you say, he hasn't given you any real reason not to trust him, and it would probably be best if you treated him as innocent unless you found proof. It won't be healthy for the relationship if you jump to conclusions and start accusing him, but trust is really important in a relationship, especially a long distance one. Maybe sometimes he just wants a little alone time? And maybe to avoid directly saying to you "I just didn't want to talk to you", he might find it easier just to explain it with a little white lie to avoid hurting you. In a situation where there can be bother positives and negatives, always assume the positives, unless you have a good reason not to.

Just give it a little time, as you've said, you haven't been together long ... and the last thing you've known is your last relationship, which gave you really good reasons not to trust. I'm sure that with time, you'll both learn to trust each other more. And keep up the communication, because good communication is key to success. ^_^

Good luck, and don't lose hope! ^_^

[lea22]

I think you have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I find it hard to trust, and it took me ages but once I relaxed and realised that my SO has never given me reason not to trust him implicitly. What I would suggest if things don't add up is to bring it up casually, even make it sound like you are teasing him a bit, if you know what I mean?