It's been about a year between us, I live in the states and she lives in Europe. We have met in person 3 times - The first was here for a week, the second was there for 3 weeks, the last was here again for 3 weeks. We have been arguing a lot since then, about everything, so my question is this. When you argue with someone you can see in person everyday it's easier to "make up" with a kiss, physical TOUCH, etc. In a long distance relationship, you can't do that. After all the arguing over disagreements, I feel we really need to "make up" because it's like that spark died off. How do people keep it going?? I am afraid to go over there with any ill feelings, what should we do? This is so different than anything else I am used to...
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Hi, I'm sorry to hear you've been arguing so much lately.
It's hard to tell you what to do, because every couple is different. But what I would suggest would be try to be more open minded. When you disagree, respect that you have differing views. Try to see it from her point of view, but then suggest why you think otherwise. Keep it calm and civil, don't get mad and argue about it! And one thing me and my S.O do is whenever we have a minor disagreement or something goes wrong, is that we both take the mindset that we were the ones that did wrong. And we both apologise for it, rather than argue that the other person did wrong. It really minimises arguments. And in any situation where there could be several reasons, always try to assume the most positive one if you must assume anything. This means you're less likely to be angry and start off an argument. for example, if your girlfriend comes home late one night, and you think it could either be because she was at her friend's house, or because she was cheating on you, then always assume the first positive one, unless you find out otherwise. Let her tell you what happened, don't tell her what happened. She'll be less likely to be offended, and what's more, it means you'd both talk a little bit more!
Those were some ways to minimise arguments ... as for how to make up afterwards, then what I find helps is having a heart to heart with your S.O. Apologise for what happened, and tell her truthfully what triggered your anger or what you did wrong. Talk to her about how you could avoid the situation in the future, and just share any personal things you've been keeping from each other.
Disagreements are bound to happen in any relationship, they're natural! No two humans will think the exact same way, and if they did, their relationship would probably be boring! Differences keep it interesting. Try to think of difference in a positive way, as a way of learning new things and trying new things. Don't try to make each other conform to your frame of mind, because that is when arguments will happen. She'll have her ideas, and you'll have yours. Discuss them rather then debate about them. When you discuss, you're open to ideas and you share your own ideas. When you start debating and throwing your ideas at each other and trying to force them to see it from your point of view, that is when arguments will begin.
I hope you'll manage to sort this out, and good luck! I hope this has been able to help you. ^_^ x -
Well the simple way to make up from an argument is to talk about it.
If you haven't realised already, LD requires paramount communication skills which must be learned. I feel not all humans are great communicators, myself included, so it doesn't come to everyone naturally. Any relationship requires communication, and I think if you're making up your fights by being physically intimate, there's something wrong. Arguments need to be talked out to be resolved, otherwise you're just sweeping it under the rug until the next fight happens.Comment
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