His sexting made me insecure

[SJ22]

By bf and I met 2 years ago on a holiday where he was working as a bartender for 9 months. He was still in an open relationship with a girl who lived on another continent. I know he slept with ±25 girls there. While I was there for 10 days we acted like we were a couple.
We kept in touch over email when I went back home. After 2 months I went back for another visit of 7 days and it was great.
2 months after that visit I said I didn't want to keep in touch anymore cause I felt it was comming more from my side and also cause he went to AUS for a year with his open-relationship gf to try if it worked. I heard from him occasionally but my responses were always short&neutral.
After 10 months he found out the 2 of them weren't right of each other. He contacted me again asking how it was going with my attempts to study in his country for a few months (I love his country and I had no intention of meeting him cause we had no contact at all when I applied)

We got to talk a bit more for 2 months and meanwhile I got accepted. Ofcourse we did end up meeting at the airport of his home country. Before that he has made his intentions clear: he wanted to be with me and hated my idea of no contact while he was in AUS because he couldnt stop thinking about me. I did feel like a second choice.

I had a great 6 months with him and we ended up as a couple. I met his family and he met my parents when they came for a visit. I went back to Holland then and he came along for a 3 week holiday.

On day1 I found out he was sexting with a girl he met in a club a month ago. I was confused and I said: 'I know about the texts, after 3 weeks we're done.' The 4 days after he tried to talk but i remained distant being 'just a tourguide.' He said it was a mistake, he never wishes to see me like this again& it made him realise how much he wants to be with me. He'll get an appartment here, work here after Xmas, whatever it takes to make it work. For him the sexting was like porn. He would never see her again (she was Swedish) and he was just curious to see why she as a married woman was interested in him. He tried to see how far she would go but he admitted he had to stop way sooner.
We managed to patch things up but I feel like this has made me so insecure about what he wants now that I have thought about it and he is back in his country.
Some days I have this gut feeling that it will never work out because he likes flirting with girls so much. Other days I am certain it will work cause we spent 4 weeks with each other being around one another 24/7 and we ended up being more in love than ever.

Am I right not to trust him totally or should I just believe his words and give everthing for this long distance relationship?

[Chlo]

I'd be insecure in that situation also. I don't think I'd be able to trust him fully either.
The question is.. Will you be able to get over this and trust him?
I don't think it's firstly; fair to yourself, or secondly; fair to him, to attempt to try make this work if you do not trust him with things like this.
You both have to talk about it and either forgive or walk away.
Thing is, if you don't, and try to make it work, you could end up pushing him away by being insecure (accusing him etc), when he might not have done anything. Or, worst case scenario, is he does it again whilst you're with him and he hurts you again.. Some say, once a cheater, always a cheater.
It's a big decision, and it depends on how strong you are as a person, and if you're willing to put aside this sexting thing and trust he will be faithful.

I wish you all the best
You're welcome to PM me if you'd like to talk further

[SJ22]

Aww thanks for the sweet reply

He said: Ill give you all my passwords if you want, or Ill delete my Facebook (thats where I found the messages) but I can assure you it will NEVER happen again. I have the best gf in the world I don't see why I would need to find any other that will be less.

That all sounds very sweet but it just doesn't take away that he thought like that before the sexting as well and he still did that. So that confuses me.

[Chlo]

Does it confuse you enough to walk away from him?

The thing is, he could be completely truthful and faithful in the future, it's just trying to get over this insecurity that he has made you feel.
To be honest, he would have never done that to you in the first place if he did feel that way for you before (as you rightly said).
Again, it's completely up to you.
People should always learn from their mistakes, and learn to respect their partners.
Please just be careful and don't let him walk all over you. It's what worries me about people who have been in 'open relationships', they're used to that lifestyle and types of relations... Moving from one person to the next, with no feelings or strings attatched. I hope I don't offend anyone here by saying that!

[SJ22]

You know what the thing is with these topics... People make them for a reason. They expect people to give a certain answer which is usually the answer that lays in the heart already.
I realise now I am expecting (or hoping more) for people to say positive things so I have that to hold on to. I guess I do want this to work so Ill just have to get over it and take a leap of faith.
However sometimes I see topics with people who want to break up and they just need a little push to do it so they ask advice and hope for people to agree with them and come up with more reasons it won't work...

Thanks anyways, I never get offended by honesty

[Chlo]

I am sorry if I offended you. I never meant to, I was just saying my opinion of the situation.

If you are feeling that you'd like to give him another chance, then we'll support you through that.
Like I said, if you ever need anything, you're welcome to PM me.

Wish you all the best, and I hope he gets his ass into gear and treats you the way you deserve to be treated!