SO went to meet ex

[SJ22]

In the beginning when we were together for 1-2 months my SO went for a holiday to another EU country.
I was OK with that.
Afterwards he came back and I saw him again after 3 weeks he told me he met up his ex (from 1 year ago) for a few hours because he needed closure. I know he loved her to pieces and she broke up with him. Nothing really happened that day and he realised it was over (but ofcourse he didnt know what he would be feeling for his ex in advance!)
I was so shocked at that time that I couldn't really say anything and I had a 10000 thoughts in my head.
Lately it has been bothering me more and more, but I am not sure if it is because he went to see his ex or because he didn't tell me BEFORE he went there and discussed it with me. I still kind of feels like he kept it a secret or something... Maybe it just bothers me because it all could have turned out differently; he could have realised he was still in love with her and he was willing to take that risk by meeting her.
Am I being a little a little B1tch about this because nothing happened and he did actually tell me afterwards?
I am a little confused, should I even bring it up to him 6 months later?

Edit:
I am not planning on getting angry with him about it if I decide to bring it up, Ill just say it bothers me

[Swederica]

I think it would've bothered me too, especially the part of not telling beforehand or well neglect to mention it. Then again I have a huge pet peeve for that kind of stuff.

Personally though I think you have a right to be bothered and I think you should tell them that it is. Make sure to point out that it's because he didn't tell you in advance that it is bothering you, if now that is the reason it is bothering you.

[SJ22]

I think it would've bothered me too, especially the part of not telling beforehand or well neglect to mention it. Then again I have a huge pet peeve for that kind of stuff.

Personally though I think you have a right to be bothered and I think you should tell them that it is. Make sure to point out that it's because he didn't tell you in advance that it is bothering you, if now that is the reason it is bothering you.

I am not really sure if it bothers me in general that he went or that the didn't say a word about it before he went on his holiday. I know he spoke to her about it before he went there and almost begged her to meet up because at first her new bf wasn't OK with it...

[dizzyupthemeg]

I'm not sure what you may accomplish 6 months later. It is probably something that you should have discussed closer to when it actually happened, especially if it bothered you that much. I'm a huge believer in open communication in relationships. It's the only way anything will get accomplished since it often is all we have in LDRs. If it is still bothering you, talk to him about it. I would be cautious in the future though of bringing up old subjects. A relationship isn't going to move forward if you are constantly bothered by something in the past.

[Ejoriah]

The way I see it... yes he COULD have realized he was still in love with her and he COULD have broken it off with you. But 1) he didn't and 2) wouldn't you rather know that there's no feelings left for this person he "loved to pieces" than wait until later down the line when you're more emotionally invested, and find out he was still in love with her and make it hurt even more?

I don't know how long you've been talking prior to getting together, but at 1-2 months into a relationship, if we weren't great friends before I wouldn't expect him to tell me everything he was doing. But again I don't know the nature of your relationship.

For me personally, my SO and I had been close friends for 4 years so I would expect him to tell me stuff like that. And he did. He told me that he was going to see his ex over coffee, and then when he got back home he said "I ended up taking her out to dinner because I was starving and wanted real food."

I think you need to bring it up because I feel the other women in his life (whether current or past) are a problem to you and thus affecting the relationship (I say that because of your "sexting" thread). You are already unsure/worrying about it and so I think it needs to be all out in the open.

[SJ22]

[The way I]... [hurt even more?] I actually expected him to be done with her already and if he wasn't; fix it before you start a new relationship. Don't think its good when you bring old baggage into a new relationship

[I think you] ... [in the open]
They do affect the relationship now that we are LDR yea...
It's like... When I add it all up I doubt his feelings for me.
But it is also true what dizzy said about moving forward and not bringing up the past all the time.
Just feel so stuck right now

[Goyangi]

It is unfair to you, in my opinion, to start a relationship when he was still "stuck" in the past, internally seeking closure. But, what's done is done. From your previous threads, it seems as though your insecurities in your relationship are snowballing down mountain fast. I believe if you're still thinking about it, if it's still hurting you, then yes, you should should talk to your SO about it. What's the alternative? Continuing to bottle it up, to grow more resentful? That'll ultimately negatively impact your relationship.

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

It might just be me but I think it's really shady that he didn't tell you beforehand and if it were me I definately would have been bothered by it

[Rugger]

[The way I]... [hurt even more?] I actually expected him to be done with her already and if he wasn't; fix it before you start a new relationship. Don't think its good when you bring old baggage into a new relationship

In an ideal world, yes. Almost everyone you'll get into a relationship with will have baggage. I had tons of baggage even though I was over my ex. He emotional abused me. That is something that takes years to get rid of, if you ever do it. I'm almost 4 years into a relationship with my SO and 6 years after breaking up with my ex and there are times I still get antsy. Just because someone want's closure, doesn't mean they aren't over their ex.

[Mairja]

I think what SJ22 means isn't having baggage from previous relationships, but the fact that her SO apparently wasn't over his ex girlfriend.

I'm feeling a bit torn about this to be honest - on one hand I do believe you should tell him it bothers you that he never told you beforehand, but on the other hand since it's already been a while (I assume, it sounds that way at least?) since he did meet up with her it might be better to just leave it. Ideally you should have told him immediately how you felt.

[SJ22]

I was just thinking, it might bother me as well because he didn't tell his ex that he was with me. I know her bf at first didn't even allow the meeting and when I asked him if he told her about me/us he said no...

[snow_girl]

You say he needed closure. He needed to go talk to her get the closure he needed so he could then invest everything he had into you rather then wonder what went wrong with her. I wouldn't have asked for permission or told someone I was seeing I was going because it would cause unnecessary drama for something that didn't need to be made a big deal of.

[SJ22]

You say he needed closure. He needed to go talk to her get the closure he needed so he could then invest everything he had into you rather then wonder what went wrong with her. I wouldn't have asked for permission or told someone I was seeing I was going because it would cause unnecessary drama for something that didn't need to be made a big deal of.

Then I guess we are two very different people. I would have told my SO (and definitely if 'it wasnt such a big deal'.)
To me it feels kind of sneaky or covertly... Not sure how to translate the word that I mean to English.
It wasn't like he had to ask permission to go, I just would have liked to know in advance like the ex probably discussed it with her bf.
I feel a little left out or something. I know it was his business but since we were in a relationship I feel like it should have been OUR business.
If he did all of it because then he could invest everything he had into us then he might as well discussed this with me in the first place.