Bad girlfriend?

[sweetdevil]

I am currently in a LDR with my bf.
We met some years ago on a holiday and kept in touch but we never officially dated until I lived in his country for 6 months. (meaning we are together now for 7,5)
Since a month I have been back in my homeland (which is a 1:30 flight away).
He hinted on getting an appartment and work in my homeland after Xmas.
But we also had a discussion a few weeks ago in which he said 'I understand if you don't want to wait for me'
What he was talking about is: he's following an online teaching course for English and usually after that you go to Korea or something to teach for atleast 6 months.
Am I a bad girlfriend for not wanting to wait for him then? Does that mean I don't love him enough or something?
I get depressed of even thinking about not seeing him for 6 months or longer. Atleast now we can see each other once a month because flights are cheap.

[lucybelle]

Are you a bad girlfriend? No. Everyone has their limits. If you think 6 months is too long, then that's fine. Just be open to him about it. I told my SO that I only wanted to do 2 years of long distance. After that, something had to change. There's lots of people on here that have been LD for YEARS. I couldn't do that. Does it make me a bad person? No. Just different.

But honestly, most of the international relationships on here only see each other every 6 months. Or less often. It's totally doable, if your heart is in it. Plus, what an awesome trip to visit him in [I'm guessing South] Korea!! Start saving for a plane ticket now

[Mellow]

I don't think that you are a bad girlfriend for thinking like that. Not being able to see each other for a long period of time is very hard. Not everyone will be able to pull it , no matter how much you love that person. It is quite difficult to deal with in the end. I think we all know that here.
Maybe it is a good idea to think about the whole situation a bit more, until you are sure of what you want.
Is the love you share worth the the wait?

[SJ22]

Are you a bad girlfriend? No. Everyone has their limits. If you think 6 months is too long, then that's fine. Just be open to him about it. I told my SO that I only wanted to do 2 years of long distance. After that, something had to change. There's lots of people on here that have been LD for YEARS. I couldn't do that. Does it make me a bad person? No. Just different.

But honestly, most of the international relationships on here only see each other every 6 months. Or less often. It's totally doable, if your heart is in it. Plus, what an awesome trip to visit him in [I'm guessing South] Korea!! Start saving for a plane ticket now

So I am guessing it worked out for you? It didnt take you guys longer than 2 years to get our of the LDR?

[lucybelle]

So I am guessing it worked out for you? It didnt take you guys longer than 2 years to get our of the LDR?

Yup. We saw each other once a year for two years. Then we closed the distance. And now we're married.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER

[SJ22]

Yup. We saw each other once a year for two years. Then we closed the distance. And now we're married.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Mmpff its like a romcom chick flick...

[lilcupcake]

If my SO told me it would be another year, I think i would crack. you aren't a bad girlfriend at all. you have needs, we all do.

[sweetdevil]

When I spoke about this subject with one of my friends her reply was: "This is the same as leaving a him because he has a disease or something"
But then again she has never had a LDR...

[Hollandia]

When I spoke about this subject with one of my friends her reply was: "This is the same as leaving a him because he has a disease or something"
But then again she has never had a LDR...

I would have to disagree with your friend. A disease is something that leaves you no choice and you are afflicted with. Choosing to go to this school, or that take job and other such personal important life choices are just that, important life choices. They are still choices. If you make a decision that keeps you away from each other then you picking that pathway over them to a certain extent. It is not all cut and dried because you also could choose to go with him if you wanted to go that pathway. The whole point is you both have every right to make those choices. Some will keep you together and some will keep you apart.

LDRs are all about timing and sacrifices. Sometimes it comes down to how much each is willing to sacrifice versus how your life's path choices timing come about. When you add children into the mix it is different and young children,sickly parents and such should always come first but anything else in my opinion is nowhere like leaving someone with a disease. They made a choice and you make an choice. Just be open about how you feel but don't come off like you are giving an ultimatum, that would be my advice.

[sweetdevil]

So I should kind of... punish him for chosing to follow his dream instead of being with me?

[PrincessJOE]

I can understand what you feel like, as everyone else said we all have needs and so on, so it's totally normal that if you are used to see him once a month thinking of going 6 months without seeing him sounds terrible. I dont think you should think you are a bad gf cos of that
If I can give you my opinion, think about it in the long term: I don't know how it works with that course he is taking or anything, but... will it give him better chances for the future? Like... a better job, or anything like that? Cos maybe it'd give a 'reason' more to try to deal with it, even if it cant change you'll miss him of course.

I am myself in your bf's position in a way. I chose a course at university that takes 6 years in total (before meeting my SO). Now I'm in a relationship with him and I have 4 years left, which means we can't close the distance for the next 4 years. I have thought about changing course or just givin up on my university choice to be able to go to him next year for example, but then my SO made me think about what it would mean: it would mean me not being able to get the job i'm studying for, it would mean 'wasting' the years i studied for it, it would mean finding a job for a couple of months maybe and then spending all my life looking for new jobs now and then cos with my high school degree i'm not 'qualified' for anything special. And at the same time it would mean that even if my SO has a job, we wouldn't be able to move out.
If my SO asked me to give up on my studies to go to him now I would maybe do it, and I'd do the same if I had the feeling that studying means he won't be there waiting for me in few years: this is why my SO's support is so important, especially when I'm down. He motivates me to study well and quick so that I can graduate on time and as soon as possible, and with his work he is saving up to make it easier once I graduate to move out together.

I told you all this thing about me and my SO to try to give you a 'sight' about how it is from the other side, I hope it helps you somehow
6 months isn't too long afterall, and as someone else said, you could start saving to be able to visit him maybe

Good luck with everything!

[Mims27]

Out of curiousity, do you know for sure that you wouldn't be able to get through it? What if you talk to him about it and explain that it scares you. You definitely can't stop him from doing what he wants/needs. And telling him that if he does this, you'll break up isn't really fair huh? *hugs* Isn't it worth a shot to just try? You may surprise yourself. My SO told me she wanted to go to school as well. Three years! To get her HS Diploma and then 2 years for college. I was completely terrified but hey we've been LDR for 3 years and 7 months and it'll probably be another year before she moves North. Is it very hard? YES! but completely worth it.

[sweetdevil]

We have some trust issues because of things that happened in the past.
Ive done this LDR for 1,5 month now (ill see him very soon) and for the past week or a bit more I feel no connection with him anymore.
It's not him, he's the same as ever being sweet, but I just don't feel like a part of his life anymore and I doubt him and therefore us...

It will give him a better job.

[libelle]

If the only problem was the job and him moving for 6 months, I would say to give it a try. Well, it depends - if he plans on doing this once it will be easier, since you have something to look forward to. If he plans on having this as a lifestyle, maybe then you should reconsider it.
But as you said there are other issues as well, give it a thought if they or the new job are the problem. Because if a relationship is strong and supported by mutual trust and love, it can handle a lot, like many people here have proven. But if there are faults inside it, first they have to be fixed in order the planning of the future to take place.

[squeeker]

In my limited opinion, if you want to break up over not seeing your boyfriend for 6 months, you should reconsider how much you love him. But that's just because I'm in a long term LDR and although I would love to close the distance with him today if I could, I can't because of money issues, the fact that when we close the distance we don't want to be struggling on low wages, immigration issues, as well as family issues. We both have decided we were both going to go back to university to study degrees which could help us more realistically close the distance sometime, since prior to this, it was looking very hopeless to ever close the distance. He has 2 years left until he gets his bachelor's of science, and I have 4+ years left of my bachelor of science since I just started. I would have loved to go to university in his country but international tuition is expensive AND I wouldn't get guaranteed Canada student loans for the whole amount if any at all, because the university has to be designated.. long story..

Anyways, I don't want to say it makes you a bad girlfriend, because I know 6 months seems like a long time, because it is. But it's not impossible as many people on this site can prove. Especially if this gives him a better job, I don't see why you can't do it, at least try. Don't be afraid to share your concerns with him though, then you can see how he feels too. I think whether it's worth it depends on what stage you are in your relationship and how committed you both are to each other.