New here (need to vent) - moving to a new country and LDR

[OperaDiva]

Hi all,

I don't really have a question formulated right now, but I need to get some stuff down because my head is a bit of a fog... feedback appreciated, of course!

Back story - I just moved to a different country to start my PhD and my SO is back in my country, finishing up his PhD. This is not the first time living abroad for me, I've been doing a lot of moving around the world in the past 10 years - first in Asia and then in several different European countries. But the last time I went back home I ended up staying longer than intended and reconnecting with a childhood sweetheart. Lo and behold, he's grown into a man, a real man, then magic happened and the rest is history . I've been really worried about this LDR thing because Ive seen sooo many of those in my years of traveling and 95% of those end quickly, most end badly and Ive seen the pain it causes even in the relationships that work out, in the end. Intellectually, I know that "normal" relationships end very often as well, and there is pain there too. But my heart is really down when I think of the distance and how I cant hug him and hold him.

My problem right now is - how do I start living my life here when my heart is hundreds of miles away? How do I make friends and integrate in my professional environment when I feel like I am not really here? I know these are more hurdles than questions with simple answers, but they really bother me.

[Moon]

Well, I've been in an international LDR for over four years, and there are others on this site doing it also It definitely doesn't have to end quickly or badly, you just have to learn to adapt, be strong, and be confident in your relationship. The most important things to be aware of is trust, respect and communication; if you have those, you'll be OK. It's really hard at first, but you do get more used to it, and it's very important to live your life, don't sit in from of the computer or phone, and let yourself get depressed over it. Helsinki is a great city, with lots to see and do, just try to keep yourself occupied and don't count the miles. You can do this, good luck!

[OperaDiva]

Thank you, Moon I do need a more constructive view right now! And if you have any suggestions for things to do in Helsinki, please let me know.

[Alsfia]

I would definitely recommend Suomenlinna (Sveaborg) https://www.suomenlinna.fi/en, if you are the least bit interested of history. That was really cool when I went, even if I don't remember much since it's 10+ years ago. Other than that Kiasma https://www.kiasma.fi/kiasma_en is usually mentioned as a pretty and interesting sight, even just the building is rather impressing (atleast that's what I found, never been inside though due to lack of time) and next to that is the parliament which is open to visitors most days, if you're interested in politics. Those are the first things to come to mind when it comes to sightseeing, I myself don't actually live in Helsinki so I'm sure there are better sources and suggestions

[Tooki]

You should go on some cruises as well. You can easily do a day trip to Tallinn, Estonia and you can also go to Stockholm, Sweden or Riga, Latvia if you have some more time.

[Moon]

There's a really good museum of natural history - https://www.luomus.fi/english/nhm/
The zoo is on an island, and is pretty interesting - https://www.korkeasaari.fi/en/servic...torinformation
I love this open-air museum - https://www.nba.fi/en/museums/seurasaari_openairmuseum
Eat here! I found it walking around the city, and it was delicious https://www.yelp.com/biz/natural-fla...house-helsinki
Go north to Rovaniemi and see this ridiculous and fun place - https://www.santaclausvillage.info/
I love the amusement park, it's small, but a lot of fun - https://www.linnanmaki.fi/en/

Take a cruise around the archipelago, it's absolutely beautiful. There are a bunch of them at the main harbor, where the market square is, near Esplanade park. Skip the art museum, it's small and uninteresting. There are tons of underground shops to get to through the main railway station, I always end up half lost, and can't get my bearings when I venture through them though On Independence day (December 5), this will sound weird, but go to a cemetery. Finns honor their veterans by placing candles at the graves after dark. The reflections on the snow is gorgeous, and it's a pretty stunning sight. They do it on Christmas Eve, too. Try a sauna, you'll have to, but you don't have to love them. Have fun!

[Moon]

I forgot this one, and it's appropriate, by your user name https://www.operafestival.fi/en

[OperaDiva]

Thank you all for the great suggestions! As soon as I can walk better I will definitely see to the great things this city has to offer

The thing is, I always knew that an LDR is difficult, and it is really hard not to doubt myself in this situation. I am doing everything I can, but hope ... I've never been good at hope.

[TwoThree]

I'll jump in on the suggestion train! If you're interested in more "natural" activities, there's the Nuuksio park in Espoo (details as to how to get there in this link: https://www.visitespoo.fi/visitors_g..._national_park), which isn't far from Helsinki at all.

Also, since you want to meet new people and make friends, there's the option of going to expat group events, some of which you can find out about through these links:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/iesaf/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/45107353822/

I personally have never been to one of their events (since I don't live in Finland) but I see them advertised all the time so I know that they are quite active.


Good luck!