What about your parents when you're possibly moving to another continent?

[Karlijn92]

Hey another Dutchie! My fiance also lives in the US. Due to his job (police officer) I'm the one moving, because being a police officer in the Netherlands is so much different than being an officer in the US. Anyway, obviously my parents also didn't like much of the idea of me moving, and I also found it difficult to accept that, because I'll miss my family big time.
But my SO assured me we'll visit as often as possible. And my parents accepted our decision. They said that if I'm happy they'll be happy too. And since they've met him, it feels right for them too and they know it's gonna be ok.

[Flo89]

I don't know how to qoute 2 persons, but Hollandia: Great that you're going for the plan to move there! It must be hard anyways, but being together is the most important. If you want some funny Dutch qoutes or phrases, let me know!

Karlijn92: Hey mede-Nederlander (fellow Dutchie)! Wauuw already engaged! Congrats! We should start a Dutch group for Dutchies and others with Dutch SO's haha

[7806miles]

I can relate to Schlafmütze because I also felt so sad and even guilty to leave my mom, though I have two wonderful younger sisters who had comforted me they would keep my mom company like I did. I guess they felt they should try to "replace" me because I was the closest daughter to her. I think most people might not think about that immediately, that a long distance relationship's success could lead to other "troubles" like making either one's family apart and giving more pressure to the rest of the family members due to the leaving of either the daughter/ sister or the son/brother. I should have been happy to celebrate a new start with my husband in his country but I found myself being sad and guilty which is not something your partner wants to see because he/she would feel guilty too as if he/she had stolen you away. My family and I are giving our best effort to maintain communication with the use of Skype and WhatApps texting and images. There are things to prepare for your family other than letting them know in advance when you plan to leave ... in my case my mom is not good with electronic products at all but we bought my mom an iPad so she could Skype with me with the least technical skill needed and we set her up a Facebook account so I could upload my pictures to her account to let her see the new life that my husband and I are having. My mom doesn't speak English and English is the only language that my husband and his whole family speak. So like when I write my blog and use my own Facebook I tend to use English and this is when I feel I left out my mom although I didn't intend to. Talking to her on Skype has been the most meaningful way so far for me to be myself again and find out what is going on with her too. One more thing I would like to mention is it really makes a difference if your partner's parents are sincerely supportive and understanding no matter it is you following their son or their son following you when it comes to settling down. When my husband first followed me, his mom was so depressed all the time and actually spoke things to my husband that hurt him and also me because she made me feel I was keeping his son away. She said she would wait for him to return and each year made him say when would be the date for him to return. It was very hard on us, although I had basically agreed to moving back with him due to our mutual goals of raising a family in his country. So for a while I felt like she "won" and I hated myself for letting that happen although she had nothing to do with the decision of us returning. Then, when we came back she acted like we had to be the way she had always wanted, like telling her our every activity and plan and spending more time with her. My husband and his mom ended up having a couple of big fights due to those expectations. I mean, although we didn't come back for her, shouldn't she be happy and appreciate us being closer to her instead of my family members whom I consider to need me more because his mom has a wonderful husband and a healthy independent 80 plus-year-old-mother and my mom doesn't plus having to take care of my sick and dependent grandma? There came to a point I couldn't tell myself to not dislike his family and I felt really sorry for my husband to know how I think of his family because I could never lie to him about my feelings. At this moment, his parents have calmed down a lot, but I can honestly tell you they know the least about our new life ever compared to when we were still in Hong Kong when we had let them know everything. The closeness was ruined but we are now trying to fix it little by little. I need to be comfortable around them again. My conclusion is either one of you leaving your home to settle in his/her home is not just a decision about where we will find more happiness or opportunities but it is a determination that takes courage and also a future vision that you need to keep reminding yourself why you chose to be where you will be at and stay strong and hopeful. I am still working on it. Good luck to you!

[dragonlady]

same here, there is more work and he has more family then i have (only have my mom) but yeah also keeping in mind that i want to grow old with him and not my mom, she wants me to be happy and doesnt like it but yeah wants me to be happy she still hopes i find a nice boy over here, but also sad that he is the best i brought home so far lol (she loves me)
my BF is willing to move to holland if i didnt like it over there but i dont think it will be a problem and are planning when we have a holliday to plan them together with my mom
and i have to admit (i live on the other side of nl with my mom) that skype is doing a lot a now talk to my mom about every day so for that mather we talk more now then we did
but never the less it is going to hurt!

good luck finding out what your going to do

[I&A]

You can't do anything to make your mom stops loving you. That's what my mom told me when I spoke with her about my plans to go and live in Russia. All your family wants is to see you happy