Extremely bad situation, our own fault. Advice please?

[Tjabby]

Hello, first of all I wanna say this might be a little weird post, you will see why.

I am in an LDR with my girlfriend. Both of us bought our tickets for our first meeting yesterday which will be in the summerbreak of 2014.
I will go to her the 28th of June and we will take the plane back together to my place the 8th of July and she will stay until the 25th.

So, the thing is that, she told her parents about me about 5-6 months ago etc and they where cool about it and all, and I emailed her step father a lot and he seems to really like me which is very amazing.
Under any circumstances, they wanted to see me at their place first. However, they don't want to send her to be with me at my families house. Why? I'm not so sure, but they just would not.

So with this knowledge, I guess we got kind of desparete. She really really wants to come here too. So she got an idea.
Her idea was to tell her parents that she would attend summer school at my current school, so she would study, and be able to see me at the school.
They were fine with that, because they find studying really important and such.

That is a lie though. She will stay in my house.

Now, AFTER we bought the tickets yesterday, her parents told her that they're pretty sure they want to come too so they can see the school etc, and that they have found some trip for them and such.

This obviously can't happen, because there is no summer school. She got upset with them, and told them they shouldnt come etc, but it seems like they're serious about it. If they do, it will ruin everything, mainly her life.
I don't want to know what her parents will do to her if they find out this is fake.

She tells me she will hide their passports when the time comes, but meh.. I'm so anxious about this situation.

PS. I know doing this summer school thing was a REALLY REALLY stupid idea in the first place, but it just happened, and now we have this situation, I'm not sure what to do.
I know we should just have waited for their acceptance, because maybe it would have come with time, but yeah..
I feel EXTREMELY anxious and terrible. I just want to see the girl I love. That's all.

I'm sorry if it's a bit weird, it's slightly complicated so I hope you get what I'm trying to say.

[Malaga]

Could she tell them the summer school was cancelled (not enough applicants or something)? Or even find a replacement course (a language school?)
Be gracious about her parents wanting to come along and turn it into a family visit. So even if there is no school, they might be willing to let her visit you if they can come along.

P.S. Hiding their passports, really? No offense but that's even dumber than making up the story about the summer school.

[Tjabby]

Could she tell them the summer school was cancelled (not enough applicants or something)? Or even find a replacement course (a language school?)
Be gracious about her parents wanting to come along and turn it into a family visit. So even if there is no school, they might be willing to let her visit you if they can come along.

P.S. Hiding their passports, really? No offense but that's even dumber than making up the story about the summer school.

Yes, that seems like a reasonable idea to say that the summer school is cancelled and then find another REAL! course. However, this will mean that she want stay at my house, which she really wants to, so I don't think she wants to do that, but I'll talk with her about it.
As you say, we could also just say it was cancelled, and then let them just come here as a "visit" however, same "problem" again, I doubt they would let her stay here at my house, and our parents can't even communicate at all, so it's not like they can go and hang together.

Yeah, I know, I think that passport hiding is a little weird too.

[snow]

Since you have still some time I would really take the time and see if there is maybe a real course you could do together. It's not all lost and if you really, really don't find anything, then tell them that it was cancelled.

Good luck!

[Malaga]

Yes, that seems like a reasonable idea to say that the summer school is cancelled and then find another REAL! course. However, this will mean that she want stay at my house, which she really wants to, so I don't think she wants to do that, but I'll talk with her about it.
As you say, we could also just say it was cancelled, and then let them just come here as a "visit" however, same "problem" again, I doubt they would let her stay here at my house, and our parents can't even communicate at all, so it's not like they can go and hang together.

Yeah, I know, I think that passport hiding is a little weird too.

Not only is it weird, it's also illegal in most countries. And the consequences could easily spiral out of control. I would strongly advise against any dumb ideas like that.
I completely understand her parents btw, especially if she's underage and seems quite foolish if I'm honest. I wouldn't like her to go on her own and stay at her SO's house either, no matter how much I liked her SO. I think you might just have to accept that her staying in a hotel with her family is the best deal you're going to get out of this.

[80anthea]

I'd come clean and hope for the best, they will find out the truth and then their impression of you is bound to be even worse.

[mllebamako]

I'd come clean and hope for the best, they will find out the truth and then their impression of you is bound to be even worse.

This. I think being honest here is your best option. Then hope the family will still accept the visit and be thankful for that, even if she can't stay with your family.

[Hollandia]

This. I think being honest here is your best option. Then hope the family will still accept the visit and be thankful for that, even if she can't stay with your family.

Most schools over here have summer courses, I would look for one quickly and make sure she stays with them when they come. I am curious, were her parents paying for this course she was lying about? and her board they think she was staying at? She might want to just come clean, this is going to be lie after lie and at some point they usually come out.

[THINK2MUCH]

I think by this time you already learned your lesson (lying is only for professionals), and yes it is important that you stop trying crazy ideas.
I imagine her parents must be already very stressed about the whole traveling thing, so perhaps coming clean would only add unnecessary tension to the situation.
What I would do is tell her parents that (sadly) you guys didn't notice that she had only been pre-approved or something, and that in the end she didn't make it through the selection of candidates because she didn't meet all their requirements (it would help a little if your SO cried a little over it ). Then drop the thing about the summer course altogether.
Have a fresh start, try to play by your parents rules (all they are doing is making sure that you both be safe), be grateful that after all you'll get to meet, and most importantly ...don't tell any more lies (you'd be amazed at how fast things could get really ugly if you got caught).
This is your chance to prove your families that you're both responsible and trustworthy (it's not a small thing) it's something that will play a very important role in the future (maybe not only concerning your relationship).
Stay clean and enjoy your visit.

(OMG, I totally sounded like my Mom...!!!)

Good luck!!!

[folclor]

I know that the idea of coming clean is insane to both of you. I would suggest, if she seriously can't come clean, look for a course she wouldn't necessarily need a visa to attend. If you can't find a course like that offered at your school here's what I'd do:

She should tell her parents that the course was cancelled but come clean about the tickets if they don't know about them already. If they get upset, she can just say she was so excited she jumped the gun a little. Because most airfares are nonrefundable, she could then suggest turning it into a family trip. Sort of a sight-seeing venture. Everyone enjoys nice vacations. So they come, stay in a hotel or something, y'all hang out, and her parents don't have to worry.

[Fretboard_Magic]

Well, is your girlfriend Muslim by any chance? I mean, I don't mean to be prejudiced against a particular religion or anything, but the Islamic culture tends to be pretty conservative where the male-female interaction is concerned. So, maybe that's what's happening here? Like, when you're in Turkey visiting her at her place, her parents will be able to basically watch you like a hawk. But they wouldn't be when she's with you in your country. Perhaps that's the kind of thing they are worried about.

Now, lying about the summer course wasn't a good idea but I'm sure both you and your girl already know about that, so I'm just going to save my breath here, lol. Actually, if she comes from a conservative Muslim family, I can totally see why she'd be inclined to lie. It sounds like she's just getting desperate because she knows how her parents are. This wouldn't be happening if she came from a family who could comfortably discuss such matters. So, I for one would like to be lenient about the dishonesty aspect if that were the case. But try not to do that again, OK? ;-)

It's a tough one I think. But I think that, if a school in your neighbourhood will be holding summer school next year, then your girlfriend should try to get into that. AND, her parents should come with her if that's what they want. I understand your girlfriend wants to stay at your place, but maybe that could wait till next year? The schedule you two have planned, with you visiting her in her country for a bit and she to visit your country right after, all that may seem like quite a luxury to some people. I for one wouldn't be able to pull that off within the same year. The point I'm trying to make is, you'll be seeing her in Turkey next year so why not just cherish that for 2014? In 2015, invite her over to your place if you can, or maybe even find a summer school. Whatever works for you. But for this year, you'll at least get to see her next summer in Turkey. That sounds wonderful in my opinion. It would be the equivalent of me visiting my girlfriend in Finland. Your initial plan, however, would sound more like me visiting my SO in Finland, then travelling back to Japan with her. That sounds awesome, but that might be too much too soon.

Try to get your parents to understand. Invite them to talk to your girlfriend's family so they can bond with them. Get as much approval on the relationship as possible not just from one side of the family, but from BOTH sides. I understand this is a challenge to some couples, but you have to be patient and try to achieve it. All the best.