She in England, I in Canada...

[Jhawk]

Hi all,

A friend I are currently reconnecting after not seeing each other in seven years.

We last saw each other before I moved to Canada in 2006 at the age of twelve. A lot has happened since then, and now we're reconnecting after all these years.

We've discovered how much we're alike, we have so much in common. We can truly talk for hours and hours, and now, well I have feelings for her. And, I think the feeling is mutual. But, I'm almost afraid to mention it - the main factor in that is the distance between the two of us. But, if things are still going well around Christmas or New Year's, I might man up and just tell her.

She and I are not in any position to travel to one another at the moment - she's in University, and I'm working and doing some travelling and self-discovery a lot. Or at least, I will be next year.

However, we regularly chat through Skype and Facebook.

What do you guys suggest when it comes to telling her for the first time?

Thanks,

Jack.

[squeeker]

Aww That's cute. My boyfriend has lived in England and goes to uni in England and right now lives not far from England in Wales and I live in Canada. I'm assuming you are on the East coast somewhere seeing as your miles are a bit less!!

I think that you could try bringing it up soon how you feel, but give her space and time to realize her feelings, because you never know, it might take her longer to discover them. I know my boyfriend is my first boyfriend and it took me awhile before I was confident in my feelings. She also might be reluctant because of the distance, and you just have to talk more.. don't be afraid to take time, build the feelings more, until you are more sure that she is feeling the same way. Let her know but don't expect her to say anything back right away, just keep letting your feelings grow for each other. Especially since you can't visit anytime soon, there is no harm in taking things slow, and it seems already that you have a good friendship, and relationships based off of strong friendships are the best ones. Good luck!

[Jhawk]

Aww That's cute. My boyfriend has lived in England and goes to uni in England and right now lives not far from England in Wales and I live in Canada. I'm assuming you are on the East coast somewhere seeing as your miles are a bit less!!

I think that you could try bringing it up soon how you feel, but give her space and time to realize her feelings, because you never know, it might take her longer to discover them. I know my boyfriend is my first boyfriend and it took me awhile before I was confident in my feelings. She also might be reluctant because of the distance, and you just have to talk more.. don't be afraid to take time, build the feelings more, until you are more sure that she is feeling the same way. Let her know but don't expect her to say anything back right away, just keep letting your feelings grow for each other. Especially since you can't visit anytime soon, there is no harm in taking things slow, and it seems already that you have a good friendship, and relationships based off of strong friendships are the best ones. Good luck!

I'll bring it up sooner rather than later, that's for sure.

The way are looking with my immigration, things are going to take at least 12-14 months before it's all sorted. Bloody bureaucracy -.-

She's the adventurous sort, which is great because so am I. And she wants to see the world and has certain places she wants to go and things she wants to see. I'm more than happy to see those things with her, as they're on my bucket list too. She said last night that the place she wants to see New Year's Eve in is Sydney. I had this wild dream of suggesting (I haven't yet), a trip to Australia at some point in our lives - backpacking or cycle-touring in Australia, winding up in Sydney on New Year's Eve.

I'm more than willing to wait for as long as she needs to figure herself out. But I don't want to weird her out by saying something - she'll probably think it a bit strange anyway, it being long-distance and everything. But, I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

Thanks for your input.

Cheers,

Jack.

[Deleted]

Hey! I would just go for it. That's the only way you'll ever know. You said that you think the feeling is mutual, and it probably is. There is the potential to start something beautiful here.

Good luck!

Best, Lori

[squeeker]

I'll bring it up sooner rather than later, that's for sure.

The way are looking with my immigration, things are going to take at least 12-14 months before it's all sorted. Bloody bureaucracy -.-

She's the adventurous sort, which is great because so am I. And she wants to see the world and has certain places she wants to go and things she wants to see. I'm more than happy to see those things with her, as they're on my bucket list too. She said last night that the place she wants to see New Year's Eve in is Sydney. I had this wild dream of suggesting (I haven't yet), a trip to Australia at some point in our lives - backpacking or cycle-touring in Australia, winding up in Sydney on New Year's Eve.

I'm more than willing to wait for as long as she needs to figure herself out. But I don't want to weird her out by saying something - she'll probably think it a bit strange anyway, it being long-distance and everything. But, I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

Thanks for your input.

Cheers,

Jack.

That's great that both of you are the adventurous sort! I'm sure you will be able to see many things together!! What kind of visa are you looking at? I know most if not all visas are so horrible. Though you know you can go visit for less than 6 months on a visitors "visa" without a visa, just make sure you have ties to your home country, have a return ticket, enough money, and don't look suspicious. I've never had problems, but you want to keep that in mind. It's the scariest thing I have about flying to see my boyfriend, the scary immigrations officers. Though the last time I got this friendly lady and that was a relief.

You won't know until you say, though if you are worried, maybe give it another month or something, or just say it and go from there, because then you are honest with her and she can be honest with you. Though if she's caught off guard and doesn't respond exactly the way you want, at least you can be patient with her until she realizes what she wants. I think it's a good sign that you connect with her on a lot of the same issues.

Good luck!!

[Jhawk]

That's great that both of you are the adventurous sort! I'm sure you will be able to see many things together!! What kind of visa are you looking at? I know most if not all visas are so horrible. Though you know you can go visit for less than 6 months on a visitors "visa" without a visa, just make sure you have ties to your home country, have a return ticket, enough money, and don't look suspicious. I've never had problems, but you want to keep that in mind. It's the scariest thing I have about flying to see my boyfriend, the scary immigrations officers. Though the last time I got this friendly lady and that was a relief.

You won't know until you say, though if you are worried, maybe give it another month or something, or just say it and go from there, because then you are honest with her and she can be honest with you. Though if she's caught off guard and doesn't respond exactly the way you want, at least you can be patient with her until she realizes what she wants. I think it's a good sign that you connect with her on a lot of the same issues.

Good luck!!

I'm currently a British citizen living in Canada. I've been in the application process for awhile, t's a bumpy and long road, but I'll get there! I've thought about going home, but the money isn't available at the moment. I guess I'll wait until after Christmas, or maybe after New Year's, but definitely before February of 2014. That's my end-date that I'm going to set myself right here and now.

I'm not able to speak to her directly via telephone due to the astronomical calling costs to the UK (both on landline phones, and cell phones), so it'll have to be a Skype call, as Facebook really isn't the place to divulge all!

I'm not exactly 'worried' about the prospect of her finding somebody else - we've already discussed our previous relationships - our current count stands at a mutual zero! I don't know whether that's a positive or not... She's waiting for "The One." And to an extent, so am I. I think I might have found her!

We'll just see how it goes! Thanks for all your input! I'll keep you updated!

[squeeker]

I'm currently a British citizen living in Canada. I've been in the application process for awhile, t's a bumpy and long road, but I'll get there! I've thought about going home, but the money isn't available at the moment. I guess I'll wait until after Christmas, or maybe after New Year's, but definitely before February of 2014. That's my end-date that I'm going to set myself right here and now.

I'm not able to speak to her directly via telephone due to the astronomical calling costs to the UK (both on landline phones, and cell phones), so it'll have to be a Skype call, as Facebook really isn't the place to divulge all!

I'm not exactly 'worried' about the prospect of her finding somebody else - we've already discussed our previous relationships - our current count stands at a mutual zero! I don't know whether that's a positive or not... She's waiting for "The One." And to an extent, so am I. I think I might have found her!

We'll just see how it goes! Thanks for all your input! I'll keep you updated!

Ahh right you said you moved to Canada when you were 12.. of course you are a British citizen.. so the visa process must be either something to do with your citizenship in Canada? I know the process is difficult. It doesn't matter.. whatever it is, immigration is tough for everyone it seems. Though some roads do seem easier than others. And yeah money is a huge issue in probably most people's long distance relationships I guess! Not that you are in one officially yet but I think it looks like it could certainly be headed there! That is sweet that you both are waiting for "the one". That's basically what me and my boyfriend were as well, I had never had a relationship before him, and he had some other "girlfriends" but in reality they were not that serious and did not occur over a very long period.

I'll keep an eye out for an update!

[Jhawk]

Ahh right you said you moved to Canada when you were 12.. of course you are a British citizen.. so the visa process must be either something to do with your citizenship in Canada? I know the process is difficult. It doesn't matter.. whatever it is, immigration is tough for everyone it seems. Though some roads do seem easier than others. And yeah money is a huge issue in probably most people's long distance relationships I guess! Not that you are in one officially yet but I think it looks like it could certainly be headed there! That is sweet that you both are waiting for "the one". That's basically what me and my boyfriend were as well, I had never had a relationship before him, and he had some other "girlfriends" but in reality they were not that serious and did not occur over a very long period.

I'll keep an eye out for an update!

We spoke tonight on Facebook... We asked each other our usual questions, one of which was what was her first impression of me, and mine of her. And then she asked what my impression of her now is, I told her, and then she told me what she thought of me.

This is what she had to say about me:

You are amazing. Probably the most honest male I've ever met, yet you seem to be misunderstood. I love how passionate you are about cycling, and life in general. Such a friendly soul (maybe a bit cheeky at times ) I absolutely consider you a close friend. I'm almost certain that some lucky lady will snap you up and convince you that marriage will be the best decision you will ever make - Maybe even make you not despise children!

I'm not sure what to think about that...

She uses the friend word... which maybe isn't promising??? I'm scared that she's stuck me in the friend zone already! :/

Any advice?

[squeeker]

We spoke tonight on Facebook... We asked each other our usual questions, one of which was what was her first impression of me, and mine of her. And then she asked what my impression of her now is, I told her, and then she told me what she thought of me.

This is what she had to say about me:

You are amazing. Probably the most honest male I've ever met, yet you seem to be misunderstood. I love how passionate you are about cycling, and life in general. Such a friendly soul (maybe a bit cheeky at times ) I absolutely consider you a close friend. I'm almost certain that some lucky lady will snap you up and convince you that marriage will be the best decision you will ever make - Maybe even make you not despise children!

I'm not sure what to think about that...

She uses the friend word... which maybe isn't promising??? I'm scared that she's stuck me in the friend zone already! :/

Any advice?

Hmm well.. I can't read her mind to know exactly.. because it's possible that she is only considering you a friend.. though also possible that your chances are not lost. Because I know that when I first started talking to my boyfriend, though of course our situations are different, I think there were numerous times I stuck him in the friend zone, because I didn't want to look too eager for a relationship because it was my first relationship, and I didn't want to assume he was being serious and so I would usually say "I care a lot for you" or "I love talking to you". I did love talking to him, but there was part of me that would want us to be together even then but I was confused and also not sure if it was just being young and girly. lol

Anyways my personal advice would be that you keep talking to her, take what she said into consideration, don't bring up dating her or anything right away, but keep up your talking, maybe slowly work in phrases about how you really enjoy talking to her, how you'd like to talk to her again the next time, what time she would be free to talk (make sure you clarify whose time zone! lol).. say you missed talking to her if you go a few days without talking to her.. though whatever you are feeling really. Oooh and although I guess it's not as interesting because you knew each other when you were younger, it could work for any part of your past, be open about some things in your past too.. that can build a strong friendship at least.

I guess don't push it into a relationship, and maybe don't get your hopes up in case it wasn't meant to be and she ends up meeting someone else, or if you end up meeting someone else (as hard as that might be to hear, I'm not a fortune teller and my boyfriend and I had to face those thoughts when we first started talking to each other because we didn't know, it can be hard online). It's also possible that at the moment she doesn't know if it would work because maybe she doesn't know anyone else in an LDR or maybe she has heard bad stories about that.. it might take her more time. But it does sound that she likes you a lot, even if it's just as a friend at the moment!

Actually when I first was talking to my boyfriend, before we were in a relationship, he told me similar things like some lucky guy would get to have me and I also said similar things to him, because we went through moments when we didn't know if it would work. Also moments where we have both cried, for various reasons. I cry more because I express more emotions through crying whereas he tends to retreat into depression during those times and rarely cries. Being "friend zoned" at the moment does not mean she won't ever be interested in dating you, it might be that she is trying to keep it friendly to avoid hurting herself or you. Try and talk to her a bit every day and grow your friendship even stronger, and be there for her if she needs you for anything, and if you need her, tell her, though don't demand she help you.. but showing vulnerability within a relationship is a good thing.. even in a friendship... it leads to feeling safe to be yourself with the other person.. but I don't know why I'm telling you this because I think it looks like you already have a pretty solid friendship, which is great.

Sorry for the rambling, I just like to try and help people by relating it to my own situation to show similar experiences maybe and give advice that way. I think the best thing you could to is to keep talking to her and see where it goes!

[Jhawk]

Hmm well.. I can't read her mind to know exactly.. because it's possible that she is only considering you a friend.. though also possible that your chances are not lost. Because I know that when I first started talking to my boyfriend, though of course our situations are different, I think there were numerous times I stuck him in the friend zone, because I didn't want to look too eager for a relationship because it was my first relationship, and I didn't want to assume he was being serious and so I would usually say "I care a lot for you" or "I love talking to you". I did love talking to him, but there was part of me that would want us to be together even then but I was confused and also not sure if it was just being young and girly. lol

Anyways my personal advice would be that you keep talking to her, take what she said into consideration, don't bring up dating her or anything right away, but keep up your talking, maybe slowly work in phrases about how you really enjoy talking to her, how you'd like to talk to her again the next time, what time she would be free to talk (make sure you clarify whose time zone! lol).. say you missed talking to her if you go a few days without talking to her.. though whatever you are feeling really. Oooh and although I guess it's not as interesting because you knew each other when you were younger, it could work for any part of your past, be open about some things in your past too.. that can build a strong friendship at least.

I guess don't push it into a relationship, and maybe don't get your hopes up in case it wasn't meant to be and she ends up meeting someone else, or if you end up meeting someone else (as hard as that might be to hear, I'm not a fortune teller and my boyfriend and I had to face those thoughts when we first started talking to each other because we didn't know, it can be hard online). It's also possible that at the moment she doesn't know if it would work because maybe she doesn't know anyone else in an LDR or maybe she has heard bad stories about that.. it might take her more time. But it does sound that she likes you a lot, even if it's just as a friend at the moment!

Actually when I first was talking to my boyfriend, before we were in a relationship, he told me similar things like some lucky guy would get to have me and I also said similar things to him, because we went through moments when we didn't know if it would work. Also moments where we have both cried, for various reasons. I cry more because I express more emotions through crying whereas he tends to retreat into depression during those times and rarely cries. Being "friend zoned" at the moment does not mean she won't ever be interested in dating you, it might be that she is trying to keep it friendly to avoid hurting herself or you. Try and talk to her a bit every day and grow your friendship even stronger, and be there for her if she needs you for anything, and if you need her, tell her, though don't demand she help you.. but showing vulnerability within a relationship is a good thing.. even in a friendship... it leads to feeling safe to be yourself with the other person.. but I don't know why I'm telling you this because I think it looks like you already have a pretty solid friendship, which is great.

Sorry for the rambling, I just like to try and help people by relating it to my own situation to show similar experiences maybe and give advice that way. I think the best thing you could to is to keep talking to her and see where it goes!

No problem with the rambling!

I do talk to her everyday, but I am unsure as to whether I should skip a day or two - but she often ends every conversation with, "I'm sure I'll talk to you tomorrow! Goodnight! x."

So I don't know whether that would be a good idea. And, I'm more than aware that I can't move this too fast, I guess I just get caught up in it all.

We speak a lot, tonight she expressed an interest in travelling and I suggested that we do it together - she was open to the idea, but she needs to finish her University degree first and I need to get my crap over here sorted out.

I'm tempted to tell her how I feel, but I don't know what to say, or how to say it... I said I'd do it before February, but as we speak everyday, it gets more and more difficult not to just lay it all out on the table...

[squeeker]

No problem with the rambling!

I do talk to her everyday, but I am unsure as to whether I should skip a day or two - but she often ends every conversation with, "I'm sure I'll talk to you tomorrow! Goodnight! x."

So I don't know whether that would be a good idea. And, I'm more than aware that I can't move this too fast, I guess I just get caught up in it all.

We speak a lot, tonight she expressed an interest in travelling and I suggested that we do it together - she was open to the idea, but she needs to finish her University degree first and I need to get my crap over here sorted out.

I'm tempted to tell her how I feel, but I don't know what to say, or how to say it... I said I'd do it before February, but as we speak everyday, it gets more and more difficult not to just lay it all out on the table...

hmm.. well I guess I can see where you are coming from because I remember when my boyfriend and I were talking, and we were talking every day, we got really close pretty quickly.. and because I was so unsure of my feelings, he would start to say how he'd feel but I couldn't reciprocate it well enough so he felt bad and then felt like we were getting to close which lead to one of our 'breaks' but we couldn't completely stop talking so we wrote long messages to each other. We realized later it was what was best at the time for us anyways and also our relationship progressing slow was good for us because it probably helped us be more sure of our feelings.

I think it would be really hard to consciously skip a day talking to her because you already speak every day. . I know it was difficult when my boyfriend and I had stopped talking every day, even though he wasn't my boyfriend yet, until I messaged him back asking if I could still message him because I was unclear what he meant and he said yeah I could and he didn't want to stop either so yeah. um so how long have you been talking to her since you reconnected to her? maybe you could just tell her, maybe, if you haven't started doing that already, start making sure you you say things like "I really enjoy talking to you" "I like you a lot" "I can't wait until you're finished university and I've settled my things here and we can travel together" and try and warm up to when you can say "I think I love you" or something. I will keep you two in my thoughts, I hope my feeling is right.. it seems she likes talking to you and it's okay if you express your feelings and she still needs time, try not to be too offended, though then I feel bad because I don't really want you to have to go through what my boyfriend had to because he said he loved me before I did... but now we are good and happy together.. I will try and think of better advice. I hope everything goes well. If you can't hold on to February, I think you should say it and say your feelings and how much you care for her with truth and meaning behind the words. Good luck

[Jhawk]

hmm.. well I guess I can see where you are coming from because I remember when my boyfriend and I were talking, and we were talking every day, we got really close pretty quickly.. and because I was so unsure of my feelings, he would start to say how he'd feel but I couldn't reciprocate it well enough so he felt bad and then felt like we were getting to close which lead to one of our 'breaks' but we couldn't completely stop talking so we wrote long messages to each other. We realized later it was what was best at the time for us anyways and also our relationship progressing slow was good for us because it probably helped us be more sure of our feelings.

I think it would be really hard to consciously skip a day talking to her because you already speak every day. . I know it was difficult when my boyfriend and I had stopped talking every day, even though he wasn't my boyfriend yet, until I messaged him back asking if I could still message him because I was unclear what he meant and he said yeah I could and he didn't want to stop either so yeah. um so how long have you been talking to her since you reconnected to her? maybe you could just tell her, maybe, if you haven't started doing that already, start making sure you you say things like "I really enjoy talking to you" "I like you a lot" "I can't wait until you're finished university and I've settled my things here and we can travel together" and try and warm up to when you can say "I think I love you" or something. I will keep you two in my thoughts, I hope my feeling is right.. it seems she likes talking to you and it's okay if you express your feelings and she still needs time, try not to be too offended, though then I feel bad because I don't really want you to have to go through what my boyfriend had to because he said he loved me before I did... but now we are good and happy together.. I will try and think of better advice. I hope everything goes well. If you can't hold on to February, I think you should say it and say your feelings and how much you care for her with truth and meaning behind the words. Good luck

I've expressed my feelings for her, in a way. We both said that we wishes the other one was there. Although, I haven't gone so far as to tell her that I really like her or want to be with her, or love her. Not yet, it just doesn't feel like it's something I can say on a whim.

It's going to be difficult for her - but she's told her parents about me, (although they knew me before, when I was in England). But, I do hope that she will take the news well, I expect her to be startled, I guess. Every day becomes more difficult not to spill the beans, but I also have to know when the time is right...

Skyping tomorrow!