I have a unfamiliar feeling, I'm not sure what it is (possibly rant)

[Tjabby]

Greetings LFAD.

So, a few weeks ago I started to have this unfamiliar and weird feeling. I don't know how to describe it, but it feels like there is something wrong with my relationship. I don't know what it is. I'm afraid of losing her.
I'm not sure if I am exaggarating or something, because we just bought our tickets a few more weeks ago, and we were both happy but, after that I have just had this weird feeling. We're meeting for the first time in 7 months and 24 days.
I'm not sure about the feeling. It feels like she's not paying as much attention to me as she used to. Like, she is replying to my texts slower, and occasionally just leaving me hanging a very few times.
I told her about my feelings, and she said that nothing was wrong and all and she loved me over anything in this world, but... somehow... somewhere... Something just tells me that isnt what she actually means.
I decided to trust her on what she said, but the feeling never really went away, but I didn't think much of it, maybe it's just the dark and cold weather here that's depressing me, I don't know.

Then something happened. Okay, so the thing is we both know each others social media passwords etc. She tells me that she is loving the idea of me looking through her facebook or twitter for example. (she doesn't really use either much). So she told me to do so, just for fun, because she wanted me to, and so I did.

So uhm, fast forward I got into some archive which was filled with messsages and pictures from her lastest ex's (which is little more than a year ago.) So I was like "Oh who's this? name & name?" Then she was shocked and was like "OMG, how did you find that blablablabla? I can't believe you etc."

Fast forward she was like "I think we need a break. Don't talk to me anymore." I know that she is a very dramatic person, so I took it with a grain of salt, but it obviously still hit hard. I was very sad. She didn't talk to me for like an hour so.
Then she finally messaged me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said about the break and so, I was just really embarrassed and I didn't want you to see this. I am really embarrased of who I was in the past. I am so ashamed."
I told her that I understood her and that this didn't upset me, because she didn't know me back then, however she was very scared that I would look differently at her, which I have not in any way. I told her that and she seemed to be okay.

Then at night, (we usually talk before sleep or until we just fall asleep together) she started to cry a lot and asked me if I saw her as a whore etc, which I clearly do not. I did everything I could for making her understand that I don't see her different at all and so. Finally after an hour or so she was happy

However, I still have this feeling, and seriously I have no idea what it is. I've talked to her about this several times now, and she always tell me that I am silly for thinking that she ever will leave me and so. I don't want to sound cliché or anything, but we're madly in love and I know that I will not have what I have with her with anyone else. She is just, very very special to me. She is pretty much my only friend, my best friend and my girlfriend. She is everything to me and she is always in my mind.

Am I just exaggerating because I am afraid of losing her? I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to feel like this.

(I'm sorry if this does not make a lot of sense, I just needed to get it out mostly. Thanks for reading)

[SJ22]

When I read this I see that she is really worried about what you think of her. If she didnt love you she probably wouldnt care what you thought of her!

[Tjabby]

When I read this I see that she is really worried about what you think of her. If she didnt love you she probably wouldnt care what you thought of her!

Yes, you are very right.

I suppose I am just exaggerating. I tend to do that a lot about "silly" stuff :P

[Deleted]

Then something happened. Okay, so the thing is we both know each others social media passwords etc. She tells me that she is loving the idea of me looking through her facebook or twitter for example. (she doesn't really use either much). So she told me to do so, just for fun, because she wanted me to, and so I did.

So uhm, fast forward I got into some archive which was filled with messsages and pictures from her lastest ex's (which is little more than a year ago.) So I was like "Oh who's this? name & name?" Then she was shocked and was like "OMG, how did you find that blablablabla? I can't believe you etc."

I think this is a red flag.

Even though she gave you permission to look through, if you ever snoop, you won't like what you find. That's pretty much the rule. :/

I agree with SJ22. It seems that she still cares about you.

If you can't get rid of this 'feeling,' and it's really bothering you, I would suggest that you talk directly to your SO about it. Maybe she can help you if she knows how you're feeling. It's important to have good and open communication from both ends, especially so in an LDR.

I too, live in fear of losing my SO, and I often have problems recognising which worries of mine are rational and which ones are not. A trick my therapist told me is to work by evidence. If you have no evidence, then you shouldn't worry, and not assume anything. I find that this helps me sometimes.

I hope it works out between you two, and that you lose that 'feeling!' Best of luck. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me

-Lori

[OperaDiva]

I am far from a relationship expert, but I think relationships change. You cannot expect to have the same dynamic (talking for X minutes every day plus Y number of texts) throughout the whole relationship. If you are feeling insecure, unless there is a reason, like if there has been a major change over a longer period, then you need to deal with your own insecurity without projecting it on her or on the relationship.
About the Facebook thing, I personally think she overreacted (maybe she is a very emotional person to begin with) and the question is can you handle that? Show her that it has not changed the way you see her and she should calm down eventually.

[Tjabby]

I think this is a red flag.

Even though she gave you permission to look through, if you ever snoop, you won't like what you find. That's pretty much the rule. :/

I agree with SJ22. It seems that she still cares about you.

If you can't get rid of this 'feeling,' and it's really bothering you, I would suggest that you talk directly to your SO about it. Maybe she can help you if she knows how you're feeling. It's important to have good and open communication from both ends, especially so in an LDR.

I too, live in fear of losing my SO, and I often have problems recognising which worries of mine are rational and which ones are not. A trick my therapist told me is to work by evidence. If you have no evidence, then you shouldn't worry, and not assume anything. I find that this helps me sometimes.

I hope it works out between you two, and that you lose that 'feeling!' Best of luck. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me

-Lori

What do you exactly mean with red flag?

I have to admit I was not feeling very good about looking in her facebook even though she wanted me to. It was not like I got really upset, because I know it is the past for her.

I'm just so scared that she could talk to someone behind my back without me knowing? Then agian, I guess she wouldn't have spent money on the flights if that's the case. So I doubt, and as you talk about, I have no evidence.

So I shouldn't worry

[Tjabby]

I am far from a relationship expert, but I think relationships change. You cannot expect to have the same dynamic (talking for X minutes every day plus Y number of texts) throughout the whole relationship. If you are feeling insecure, unless there is a reason, like if there has been a major change over a longer period, then you need to deal with your own insecurity without projecting it on her or on the relationship.
About the Facebook thing, I personally think she overreacted (maybe she is a very emotional person to begin with) and the question is can you handle that? Show her that it has not changed the way you see her and she should calm down eventually.

She is calm about it now, I suppose she was just very scared of how I would look at her. That's not my main concern at all.

I'm just afraid of this feeling. It's like she's doing something I don't know of.

I know she's a person that would eventually do this.

I do trust her, of course I do, but I just have this damn feeling...

[Alsfia]

I think that the relationship has changed from a wish or a dream to "real" with the prospect of meeting and finally having a date for it. When my SO and I finally stopped fooling around and decided to make it official my SO acted really weird for about 6 months before he went back to normal again, simply because he was overwhelmed. Maybe that's what is happening to you two?

[Tjabby]

I think that the relationship has changed from a wish or a dream to "real" with the prospect of meeting and finally having a date for it. When my SO and I finally stopped fooling around and decided to make it official my SO acted really weird for about 6 months before he went back to normal again, simply because he was overwhelmed. Maybe that's what is happening to you two?

Yes! I think actually that you might be quite right!

Maybe I am just not realizing nothing has changed, maybe it's just the "shock" or realization of that this, this is actually real. (This is my first serious relationship ever, which I guess says a lot too.)

I think you might be quite right, I am so happy though, because we got our tickets! 7 months to go derp

[innocentbutterfly]

7 months is still a very long time to go looking this is a ldr after all..things can turn around in a week...its why people say they are hard, theyre unpredictable, but good luck to you

[squeeker]

I think everyone has good advice for you and I think that the weird feeling probably has a lot to do with finally booking your tickets. I also think that she was probably just embarrassed about her past. I wouldn't worry about it. Just try and communicate as well as you can with her, and encourage her to do the same, and listen to her, because communication is key. Try not to read into things too much though and work yourself up!! It's understandable you'd get like this if it was your first relationship.

I know I've gotten embarrassed about things in my past.. not that there is anything bad, but still, especially in a new relationship, it can be scary to open up about your past.. but once you do and the other person is accepting and doesn't change their view, your relationship can get so much stronger, because once you've revealed your secrets and you can trust your partner with them, then it shows your vulnerability and that you are trusting that person, and that is another good part of a relationship.. as long as both partners can trust each other, and neither will take advantage of the other.

Good luck and have fun counting down! 7 months isn't too far away at all, less than a year!! You'll likely feel waves of nervousness combined with your excitement from time to time, and that is completely normal. Have fun planning things to do when you are together.

[Malaga]

So how did you resolve that situation about her parents wanting to come along with her to visit you, if you don't mind me asking? You said you both bought your tickets so I assume it's resolved somehow?

[differentcountries]

Hie,

I feel your pain over Scandinavian fall with the dark and cold! Especially when you know you could be in Turkey...

I hope you never again say yes to look into the personal things of others. If she is talking to others she does that, you have to trust her regardless. I sense a hesitation in you...

I think you underestimate the shame a Muslim girl might have over her past. I don't think it is easy for us Scandinavians to imagine how ashamed a girl might feel. She is using big and negative words to describe herself. I don't know her situation in Turkey at all, but sexual minorities get attacked in the streets there, so sex is not a minor issue like it is here.

If I were you I would write her a latter to calm her down and make her look forward to the visit. It is natural that you both should have "strange" feelings after being so long apart, Go down there and show her you love her