Engagement and get married first before visa process???

[PinkieMartini]

Hi! Im a new member and i thought i would get some help from you that possibly lived or are going through the same process.. My bf is from netherlands and im from mexico. This will be the third time we meet and for 6 weeks he will be here in mexico and we plan to research all the steps we need (we already know which ones because we have searched online in the dutch government site) but we will go to embassy for more guidance. Now the thing is that im a bit sad because my two best friends are engaged and i wish i could say the same but we are not yet. So i wonder what did u do first: get engaged and married or all the visa process ? Lets clear its hard for me to deal with patience and im learning because it wont be a short period i know it takes time. Thank you and have a nice day!

[snow]

Hey welcome to LFAD

For us it was getting informed on what options we had to be together (including some general research for visas) and talking about marriage. Then he proposed to me out of the blue and the next day I started researching the Fiancée Visa in great detail to find everything we needed to know. We're getting married next october

There was no point, for me, in finding out everything about a certain visa when there were different kind of visas that I could have used to be with him, but once he proposed we both knew this is the one.

[lyonsgirl]

Hi! Im a new member and i thought i would get some help from you that possibly lived or are going through the same process.. My bf is from netherlands and im from mexico. This will be the third time we meet and for 6 weeks he will be here in mexico and we plan to research all the steps we need (we already know which ones because we have searched online in the dutch government site) but we will go to embassy for more guidance. Now the thing is that im a bit sad because my two best friends are engaged and i wish i could say the same but we are not yet. So i wonder what did u do first: get engaged and married or all the visa process ? Lets clear its hard for me to deal with patience and im learning because it wont be a short period i know it takes time. Thank you and have a nice day!

Are you just asking out of curiosity, which would be "better" to happen first? I ask this because while it is reasonable to be a little sad that you aren't engaged yet, it's probably in your best interest to be more excited for your friends than being sad for yourself. Are you and your SO ready to talk about the possibility of marriage? Are you ready to be married (not just to your SO, but at all)? Is he?

The engagement period is an exciting time, but I still think two people who are entering into an engagement need to be ready for marriage when they get engaged, not "sometime down the road when they finally get married".

[lucybelle]

You need to find out for your specific countries. To which country do you two plan on moving? Find out visa requirements for those places. I'm pretty sure lots of European countries have partner visas, something you could apply for without being engaged or married. Or maybe he could get a work visa to Mexico?

You should get engaged/married when you are ready for it. Not to keep up with your friends. I know the pressure to marry and have kids is high in Latin America, but take your time. There's no rush.

[Lucky]

I would say the most important questions to answer are... where will you marry and where will you live? answers will vary depending on your situation like Lucybelle said.

I am a mexicana living in Mexico married to an american man, we married here in Mexico. The only paperwork you need before the wedding are the requirements that will allow you to marry, after that he should adjust status if you guys plan to live in MX:
https://www.sre.gob.mx/austin/docume...xtranjeros.htm

When I married it was fairly easy for us, because most people speak english and marriage with americans is not uncommon being so close, you might find it tricky to find someone to translate and get the apostille, ask at the registro civil for advice.

Do things with plenty of time in advance if you are planning also to have a catholic wedding, the priest will not marry you at church if you are not legally married yet due delays or whatever could happen. If he is from a different religion then you need to be very careful to how you word things when you talk to the priest, wrong move and he might refuse to marry you.

If you have talked with your boyfriend about marriage and you both feel like it's the next step, then you are already engaged, although "unofficially" since there is no ring on your finger and your fiancee is so far away... I remember how frustrating it was to keep quiet about our plans, but it was better that than to be seen as a crazy girl making up stories in her head. I kept myself busy learning about weddings and figuring out what I wanted. We also chose the engagement ring online together.

Do keep in mind that being engaged doesn't necessarily mean you will marry right away, make sure you are on the same page with your boyfriend, also make sure he is doing some research as well, if he is leaving all the work to you he might not be serious or not planning on it any time soon.

[I&A]

Hi! Im a new member and i thought i would get some help from you that possibly lived or are going through the same process.. My bf is from netherlands and im from mexico.

Welcome, so glad to see another mexican girl trying to close the distance
Wish you best of luck!

[PinkieMartini]

Thanks! and thanks for your question aswell ... I guess when I wrote this it was a moment when two of my best friends are engaged and getting married very soon and also that i cant share these moments with my SO because he lives in Netherlands ... however, we already have talked about getting married. Actually his next visit, in December 16th, we will discuss about all the options we have and which ones are the best for our current situation. I am already taking dutch lessons because Iknow for sure I need to present the dutch exam in the embassy, so no matter what month I present it, i am already preparing for it.
I am also learning how to enjoy every moment I am living and not focusing on "this should be better" ... i dont know how to explain it ... but instead of complaining about what i dont have, i am trying to enjoy what I do have .. but i have to confess that i am a really bad person doing this .. however im learning to do it and i am enjoying life more. And i am sure the engagement will come in the right moment .. not exactly when i want but when is the right moment and I want to enjoy it .

[PinkieMartini]

I guess you just read my thoughts and understand exactly and just put the words I couldnt find .. thank you !!! And yes, we have talked about it since we meet and lately we discussed that we can go on in "2 times per year visits, etc" but the real goal is to be together. So his visit next december is the last plan before we actually start with the process and get together all the requirements for the Dutch Embassy. Maybe to the world I am not engaged because of the lack of the ring yet (And that causes people to not believe me) but i know me and my SO are completely engaged to each other and working on our future.
And he is also researching about all we need to do, all the papers, steps and everything to make sure we dont miss anything when the right moment comes to show it to Embassy. I know it will take time but we are 100% is worthy to wait. Thank you because your post has helped me!

[Zephii]

I think that marriage should come when it naturally would in your relationship (of course sometimes people aren't that lucky!)

For us, we did a lot of visa stuff before getting engaged, but nothing for permanent residency. When we got engaged, we got a fiance visa to come back to my country (we'd been living in his for over a year) and now we're married we're on the next step of our visa. It will be a few more years until visa stuff is a thing of the past for us though. It's a long complicated process.

[chizatlauren]

With my previous relationship, we fixed and forwarded all the necessary documents for the VISA first and planned to get married because of the Visa problems. The only way for a person in my country to gain a green card in the US is to get married, so you must assess the requirements first and talk to your SO about it. If you are not planning to get married yet, try to find all the resources that you can on what is the best way to live in the Netherlands without getting married or without having to be a permanent resident. I think the Netherlands is not as strict as the US when it comes to that.

Good luck in your Visa journey!

[Lucky]

In english I believe your situation would be described as "in a committed relationship" or "betrothed" in spanish it gets trickier to describe as 'comprometidos' translates both to committed and engaged :/ but don't worry too much about semantics, the important thing is that you both see a future together and seem to have good communication.

I think it's great you are learning dutch! try not to rush into things, there is no harm in being informed and prepared though, it will help time pass faster, I bet you are super excited about him coming to see you so soon! I am happy for you.

Here is another link that might be useful for you if you plan to move to the Netherlands once married:
https://www.ind.nl/en/Residence-Wiza...s/default.aspx

Happy reading~