Doubts and ambivalence
This is perhaps not uncommon... Having gone very far very fast, and then think: what I am doing? -
No, I am not talking about myself, but my SO. He was the one endlessly pursuing me with compliments and ideas of our future. Now he is acting comfused, hinting to as if I don't love him enough or if I love him too much, I can not make sense of it all. It is taking me on an emotional rollercoster that is stressful. I too admit that maybe we got carried away on a little honeymoon, having spent (for us) very much time, focus and money on a person we did not really know from start. And now we do know each other well.... and hence we are in it too deep.
I have had a bad break-up or two in my past and have little tolerance for ambivalence. I am just not into it if you are not. Relationships can be hard enogh without wondering if you should be together at all. I have felt so wonderfully secure most of the time. He has played down every conflict we ever had and seemed very anchious to keep everything harmonic. I realize that in most relationships you go through periods that are more stressful and I am willing to cope with that. He does say that he wants to be with me, and seems to become very upset when he senses that I am. He thinks very much out loud, bringing forth every strange thought that crossed his mind, which is very opposed to me who thinks first and then speak my mind. He feels freeer with me now, and then I also get his doubts and often confusing ways of reasoning (he said he longed for me AND that we should break up more or less in the same sentence). How can I see the doubts for what they are ("translate" what he is saying), and not take it personal? I am more than a bit shocked and hurt, and perhaps stupid that I did not see this one coming.
My plan now is to just back off a little. I have been planning gifts for him but I think I will give them later instead. I have maybe done more of the initiatives the last two weeks (he has been with his family, so I have tried to be available whenever he could because of that). I too feel that maybe two monts of intensity is enough and we could use more time for other activities in our lives. I have been thinking of suggesting to him that we could maybe skype every other day instead of very day, or perhaps have shorter skype sessions than we have had uptil now. I don't know... I know I am supposed to be understanding, but I just get so afraid of loosing him and it is hard to brace myself. If any of you have been in i similar situation? There are practical things to consider, we are in the middle of buying his tickets to come here, ordering hotel etc. I tend to become angry and stonewalling when I am offended, but I don't think refusing to talk to him will solve much....
No, I am not talking about myself, but my SO. He was the one endlessly pursuing me with compliments and ideas of our future. Now he is acting comfused, hinting to as if I don't love him enough or if I love him too much, I can not make sense of it all. It is taking me on an emotional rollercoster that is stressful. I too admit that maybe we got carried away on a little honeymoon, having spent (for us) very much time, focus and money on a person we did not really know from start. And now we do know each other well.... and hence we are in it too deep.
I have had a bad break-up or two in my past and have little tolerance for ambivalence. I am just not into it if you are not. Relationships can be hard enogh without wondering if you should be together at all. I have felt so wonderfully secure most of the time. He has played down every conflict we ever had and seemed very anchious to keep everything harmonic. I realize that in most relationships you go through periods that are more stressful and I am willing to cope with that. He does say that he wants to be with me, and seems to become very upset when he senses that I am. He thinks very much out loud, bringing forth every strange thought that crossed his mind, which is very opposed to me who thinks first and then speak my mind. He feels freeer with me now, and then I also get his doubts and often confusing ways of reasoning (he said he longed for me AND that we should break up more or less in the same sentence). How can I see the doubts for what they are ("translate" what he is saying), and not take it personal? I am more than a bit shocked and hurt, and perhaps stupid that I did not see this one coming.
My plan now is to just back off a little. I have been planning gifts for him but I think I will give them later instead. I have maybe done more of the initiatives the last two weeks (he has been with his family, so I have tried to be available whenever he could because of that). I too feel that maybe two monts of intensity is enough and we could use more time for other activities in our lives. I have been thinking of suggesting to him that we could maybe skype every other day instead of very day, or perhaps have shorter skype sessions than we have had uptil now. I don't know... I know I am supposed to be understanding, but I just get so afraid of loosing him and it is hard to brace myself. If any of you have been in i similar situation? There are practical things to consider, we are in the middle of buying his tickets to come here, ordering hotel etc. I tend to become angry and stonewalling when I am offended, but I don't think refusing to talk to him will solve much....
). Polyamory is a very complicated topic in general, and in our region - even more so. Men used to allowed to marry more than one woman in Turkey until the 20th century, and now it is very political thing to pretend it does not happen anymore, but it does, and it is accepted. I don't think his family would allow or tolerate him being in a polyamorous relationship with a woman who is married to another men. If you had children they would not be accepted or recognized. He would have to leave his family and whole life behind. 
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