Next visit is unknown

[teachernicole]

Hi guys! I'm having sort of a dilemma and I was wondering if anyone had any advice. I've been with my SO officially for a year and a half and we won't be closing the distance for another year. We've had 4 visits this year so far and a 5th when he comes to the states for Christmas. But, when we were planning our finances for next year, we realized that 5 (international) visits in one year was living in dreamland...we don't have any money and we really need to save some. I've gotten used to seeing him every 3 months. We were going to be separated from August to December, but on an impulse, I went and saw him last week. We will probably only see each other in May next year and then again when we close the distance. How do you cope after getting into a routine? He's completely fine with it haha. I guess I'm just terrified at the prospect and mad at myself for being irresponsible with my money this year any advice?

[CanadianGirl]

My SO and I used to see each other every single time I finished a term of university, which is three times a year. We've dialed it back to a visit in the summer and a visit over the winter holidays. It was tough leaving and knowing we wouldn't be together for another 6 months .

The best way I've come to look at it, we both have more time to grow as people. I learned not to live solely for the next visit, and how to appreciate the time we can spend together while apart. You also have more time to put money aside and save up for some fun dates.

[Zapookie]

My SO and I were supposed to have a visit by the end of the year (last saw him beginning of july) but now its been pushed to February. We've done 7 months apart before, it will be 7 again this time. It is really tough, I don't deny that, but just keep your communication open. Make time for each other. As frustrated as you may get with the situation, try not to fight. My SO and I have been bickering about small things lately but we both know its because we miss each other so much and it's been difficult being apart after having closed the distance for little over a year prior to this. You just gotta keep on truckin on. <3

[folclor]

My guy and I really only see each other twice a year. Any extra is usually funded by his parents. But, typically, we spend about 6 months apart every time. So we see each other sometime in the summer and then we see each other for Christmas. It isn't bad for the first month or so, but after that I start getting really lonely.

You mentioned that your guy is "okay" with it. He may actually not be, he may just be saying that so you don't worry about him. that's what my guy does ^^; Or he may just distract himself for however long y'all are apart. Distractions help wonderfully. I'd suggest taking up a new hobby to fill the time.

But you'll survive and you'll see him again. ^^ No worries.

[squeeker]

I know how you feel... though in a bit of a different way. Since meeting for the first time, we went 6 months between the first two visits, a year between the next visits, and 9 months between last two visits. Between this last visit and the next one though will be our worst one. Because both of us had to go back to university... we got to this really tough place where we realized we couldn't see how we could ever close the distance how we were because he was unemployed and I was working a minimum wage job I hated so extra hours made me stressed out. We both figured out what careers we would love to do and are building our future.. but in the mean time that means we are very low on finances this year. In addition, my boyfriend is going to be very busy next summer because of this large project he will have to work on with his uni, so I am going to try and get a job in the summer and save up a lot so next year I won't be so strapped for cash. And then summer 2015 we will be together for sure and I'll maybe even see him graduate with his bachelors of science.

It's hard, but you can make it through it. Even if it seems impossible. After a few months you get into a routine. It's best if you both have something to keep you busy, work, school, hobbies, things you can do when you can't talk. And make sure you schedule time to talk and video chat and stuff. Keep strong, you can do this!

[alittlemind]

My boyfriend and I have been apart since the beginning of August. After this visit, we'll be apart from the end of January to end of May/beginning of June. I realize this is not as long as some people have to be apart, but I struggle too. My SO is so great and supportive and he put it in a good way for me. He told me to not think of this as a punishment anymore, that I am so lucky to have someone who loves me as much as he does, because some people never get to experience that. And if that means having to endure a few months apart before a lifetime of happiness together, than so be it. Just change your perspective a little bit and realize that you are so lucky to have found someone worth the distance for. Hope that helps a little bit

[teachernicole]

Thanks guys for the helpful and thoughtful posts I'm feeling a little better now!!! You guys rock

[kittyo9]

We've been apart since August of 2012 (that's 16 months now) and don't have plans to see each other again any time soon. To be quite frank, it sucks and we hate it, but the other option is to break up and neither of us is interested in that. We get by by spending a lot of time together in the evenings via instant messaging, playing online games together, and skyping.

I think seeing each other twice a year, or about every 6-8 months is a good sweet spot between spending money and spending time together when you're international. Of course, some people can afford more, but people like us are not in the position to do so. He works full-time and spends a few hours a day training for martial arts, so his time is packed pretty full. I'm still working part-time, so I do have more time on my hands, but I'm okay with it and I'm comfortable distracting myself through video games, reading, and occasional crafts (while also looking for full-time work).

[differentcountries]

I think 2 months appart is horrible. Hope to make it so that I can se my SO every month, though I feel every 2 months is a limit I will not cross. I realize that ticket prices are probably better for us, though. And I think it is important to him him much now this first year. My biggest issue with visits is that most times, I can only visit him for 4 days, perhaps even shorter. That makes for wonderful, yet sad trips... I read about people spening a month or more together (at least for Christmas and/or summer) and it sounds like heaven. I hope to God I will manage 3 weeks in the summer, the thing is that I have to pay for accomodation (as well as having longer time off from work), since he does not have anywhere I can stay during his work season (and spening more than 4 days in his student house is probably stretching hospitality).

I find that once I get home and settle in well, the first month flies fast. At the middle/end of the 2nd month I start feeling desperate... What I do is;
- try the best I can to at least get at DATE for the next visit, or at best an approximate time for travel, that way I have something a bit concrete to look forward to
- if there is anything practical about the journey that can be arranged, I do that (bying tickets, getting visa, bying money, getting birth control, getting a new suitcase and so on)
- I make him gifts and write him letters. It works really well to take my focus off missing him, and it gives him something to look forward to. I try to send (or bring in person) something to him each month.
- I talk to him on Skype every day
- We chat at bit on Facebook. It is easier now that we both have smart phones!
- text a little...talk on the phone...the occational e-mail
- I send him recorded messages and songs sometimes
- I keep myself busy with work, working out, seeing friends, going to parties, cooking, watching movies and so on
- I try to support him in whatever he is doing, however mundane it seems, like I would if we lived together
- I keep remembering him/us about things we did and use our internal jokes and jargon as much as I can. It may sound silly and stupid to outsiders, but for us it is treasures.