1st Christmas together

[Carolina.B]

Hi everyone! This is my 1st post on here, so a little nervous!

I am getting a little stressed out as this will be our 1st Christmas together and also the longest amount of time we have spent together. We have only spent 4/5 days together, the last time was Oct and before that was in June.

My BF still hasn't booked flights yet so no idea what day he is arriving! We spoke last night and ended up having a small row, as he said he was stressed as he hasn't been paid yet so no money to book flights. I offered to book the flights but he declined and said he wants to pay for them himself. I stupidly said "You are definately coming for xmas?" which as you can imagine he was annoyed I had asked this. He said I feel like I'm putting pressure on him and if I do it again he will walk away. I said I don't like threats or blackmail and then I got upset. He said do you still want me to come for xmas? I said yes of course I do.

He texted me about an hour later saying Hope you are ok, speak later xx. I sent a GM text (which he has read) but I haven't heard anything from him, so feeling a little upset

He always leaves everything to the last minute - whereas I like to have things booked and planned/organised!!

The other concern I have is that his children (both in 20's) don't know he is coming here yet, (they don't really know we are together) which bugs the hell out of me..... but when he came in June I received some abusive texts from his ex and daughter (24yr old) and I am worried the same will happen again this Xmas.

I have an 8yr old daughter and she and BF both think the world of each other, just like I we do of each other. There seems to be so many other obstacles on his side of things (which I won't go into) so on days like this I wonder if its really worth it. I love him so much, and I know he feels the same ...... but I just feel so confused.

I really admire and find comfort/inspiration from all of your stories and experiences... hence joining this site

Thank you for taking time to read this..... and words of wisdom would be welcome!

[team sacris]

Hi Caroline I can imagine how you feel. I planned to visit my bf on christmas but it's not possible because of money issues and the visa regulations make it also complicated for him to visit me. There are always somehow little things which make it complicated so annoying. If he denies to let you pay the tickets then tell him to see it as a christmas present. I think that's the best christmas present to make it possible you can be together on christmas! I hope it works out for you and your bf!

[Carolina.B]

thank you I haven't heard anything from him since Wednesday - so guess he's still annoyed! Feel like I'm in limbo.... what will be will be x

[jana89]

I cannot spend this Christmas nor New Years Eve with my bf, which really sucks. However,we send gifts to each other and we will have Skype date on New Year, so we are together at least in this way. I agree with the idea of buying the ticket as a gift. My bf did that for me last year as a b-day present and it is something one just cannot refuse As for the situation with his children, maybe your bf should talk to them about you and let them know he really cares about you. They are adults, so they should understand. Good luck

[LittleBox]

Welcome Carolina (:

I'm very organized, I need lists and plans and deadlines. My ex was the complete opposite and felt constrained by schedules. I suppose its hard when he hasn't been paid but is there any way he can put it on his credit card and then take care of that when he gets paid if he doesn't want you to pay for it? I think the bigger issue is to talk about the abusive messages you got from his daughter and ex. Does he know about that? You've been in a relationship for a year, its high time he told his kids that you two are together and an important part of his life.

[Lucky]

Hola Carolina, bienvenida!

I know how it is to like to plan things ahead, my husband is not much of a planner but when it comes to important things he is crystal clear, since he has yet to let me down I try to not be on his back about it.

I am not trying to sound mean here... but it does concern me a little how did the daughter and ex ended up with your phone number... not to mention to send those kinds of texts they must know you are together already so he could have taken that chance to let the other kid/s know. Have you considered the possibility of him still being married?

Just be careful, I experienced this once before with an ex, tons of obstacles on his side and no matter how I tried to help he wouldn't let me, so my first thought was that he was getting cold feet about us. It wasn't until I got a phone call, not an abusive one, but a weird phone call from his area code where nobody talked that things started to make sense to me, why would he always call me only from his cell phone exclusively at certain hours, etc. Hope this is not the case for you.