Am I horrible for not wanting to wait much more than 5 years?

[Kitten_mittens]

I just told my boyfriend my worried about having to wait longer than 5 years to be together. He replied with "I would wait forever for you" and said "I thought what we had was real" and so on.. I thought it was reasonable to have limits.. But now I'm thinking maybe it's a sign I don't love him enough.. I am a single mom and I have so many dreams of settling down and having a family. I hate the idea of being alone for so much longer. We've been together for one and a half years now without meeting. We are both low on cash and it probably will stay that way for a long while so visits will be short and rare..

I guess I should add that if we were working towards closing the distance I wouldn't just up and leave.. But if nothing is happening or really planned out, I don't see myself continuing to wait and suffer the distance. I need physical affection..

Any advise is much appreciated. I'm falling apart =[

[squeeker]

I totally understand. Especially since you have a child already.

My boyfriend and I are facing a similar time line, probably 5 years until we can close the distance, maybe a bit less maybe more.

We have troubling issues most particularly due to his father being alone except for him and their dog, so we were initially planning on both of them coming to Canada. And they both want to. But recently have figured it's going to be hard to get his dad to Canada because of his growing age, and he's been out of work for a few years now because of a stroke, and he doesn't really want to work again in the same industry, so he's been looking at going back into education.. but it seems a long ways away. Both my boyfriend and I have already started university again in fields closer to what we want to do, and he will graduate sooner, so if he can get a job in the UK he can start saving more hopefully. Though he gets kind of depressed about that because the UK job market seems kind of depressing at times. I have still a few more years though I'm going to try and get a job again to be able to save up more.

It's such a long story, we've gone through many different options. At times wondered if it was even possible. But no matter how frustrating I can't face the thought of breaking up with him. I can't face the thought of being without him in my life at all. I guess we've just grown so much together and he's so much a part of my life and I've already committed to him so I just have to keep going and reminding myself that I do love him and that we will get through this.. and hoping that there will be a right route or path for us to be able to live together.

I know if I have to I will just move to the UK to be with him and just try and schedule regular talking times to talk and video chat with my family and friends and try and go back to Canada at least once a year hopefully we can make enough money for that but the thing is that Chris and his dad would both like to move to Canada. Though of course I think my boyfriend Chris has more desire too because he likes Canada and loves me. :P

We'll see how it goes. Hopefully you will be able to figure out a good closing the distance plan within 5 years though.. Though just reevaluate why you are with him and how much you love him and whether you would rather be with him and long distance until you can close the distance or just leave him altogether. Stay strong.. do what's best for you

[kikidee]

That isn't at all a bad thing to feel. Some people want to settle down before others and that isn't a bad thing, but for some it may be a deal breaker. Advice I have gotten and agree with is to not tell a man "Oh anytime is fine". I'm not saying be unreasonable and demand marriage or living together soon or at all, but let him know that a certain age you want to settle down and live together. Most adults (not all) start to plan out around when they want to do certain things, and he should love YOU enough to understand that. Sadly, love isn't always enough if you can't be a team and decide together on a huge life change. So basically, no, this doesn't exactly mean you don't love him enough. You just may be thinking more about the future or want something sooner than him. Good luck ~

[Zephii]

It's always great to be able to say "I would wait forever" but honestly it's not realistic. You're not a horrible person and it's not about not loving him enough, but you do need to be able to live for now and not some far-off future as well as not wanting a massive age difference between your kids. Don't beat yourself up over it, just make this relationship a financial priority to help you get where you need to go. Have realistic goals and work toward them together, so that you're making the most of this wait period rather than just living your life on pause.

[differentcountries]

I think it is premature discussing closing the distance if you have not yet met once. And rather than having one single thing in mind, I would suggest going for different steps, like meeting before a, revisiting before b etc. However, I understand your view on the 5 years. I am thinking along those lines myself. Toy with ideas with him to find something workable for the two of you and your child.

[piratemama]

It's definitely understandable that you want to close the distance sooner than five years. It's normal to want to be in the same physical area as someone you love. I also think one of the only ways a LDR can work is if you both agree on when the distance can close and work toward that, if even for just a visit. Leaving it open is scary, but sometimes we have to trust and do just that. Continue to be open about it and have calm, rational discussions about how you both feel and why. I sure hope it will be much sooner for you, if that's what you want.

[BabyGund]

Is it possible to sit down and discuss a game plan/brainstorm ideas? We do that from time to time. Heck, we're doing it now, so we can position ourselves for 2014 in addition to our 5 year plan of closing the distance when he retires.

[Kitten_mittens]

Thank you everyone. I know I am getting a little ahead of myself considering we haven't met in person. But I have been with him for well over a year and I can't help but worry about our future and my sons. And I will be going into debt just to meet him so I wanted to make sure we were on a similar page for our future before shelling out over $1000 for a trip to England.

I like the brainstorming idea. My SO isn't too fond of talking much about the future though.. I'm a big planner for everything. Him, not so much. I will try talking to him about it anyways.

Again, thank you all so much. <3