Full of doubts : and you ?

[cecile02]

Hi,
I have so much doubts about LDR...
Our love surprised us when we didn't expect it.
We are different, have our jobs in our own countries, we don't speak same language.
We met 1 and a half year ago. We met again 5 times this year, spent holidays together.
But he says that he is afraid to close the distance, afraid of every day life...

I don't know what to think anymore, or what to do. I don't want to loose him but I am afraid that he wants to live this kind of LDR, without closing the distance.

I would like to read your experiences. Is there somebody here who passed through same doubts and finally succeed in making a change ?

Thank you.

[piratemama]

Oh yeah. You read many stories of those that do close the distance but had bumpy times. We all experience doubts from time to time. It's just the nature of a LDR. It's not easy, but it can be worth the effort with the right person. Think about the positives, not the negatives. Sometimes the time and distance allows for you both to bond and grow closer. I know my love for my SO has only grown closer, although I'm most impatient to close the distance asap. I keep looking at it like he and I are building a much better foundation this way.

[cecile02]

Thank you for your words piratemama. Yes, time will give the answer.

[stormy]

I agree with piratemama. I have found that it is really just about taking it a day at a time. My SO admitted that he's scared, he's scared this won't last but then he's also in a different kind of way scared that it will. Not a completely great feeling for me.
He and I have known each other (and dated shortly in) since 2006 but only reconnected more recently. So we already know that we have close to no idea as to what can happen in the future but we are both along for the ride. He is in the military so we are also dealing with not knowing if he will be gone for months at a time, not knowing exactly where he will be living or even if he will decided to be a career military man or not. I think it makes it easier for me to remember that we are on a journey together but also on our own separate journeys as individuals. I can only hope that those paths are ones we can continue to travel on in conjunction with one another and have it end in a place where our paths lead to the same home. BUT who knows! I am enjoying the love I have found while I have it.

In another thread someone suggested reading the book When Things Fall Apart, by: Pema Chodron.
I completely agree that most people should read this book especially in moments when we recognize that we are just along for the ride (like a LDR!), it helped my perspective a lot.

[jana89]

In the beginning I doubted our relationship a lot. I really thought it wonīt last very long. But then we just went on and on and I started to believe, we can actually make it. I had quite a lot to think about - big difference in age, cultural background, country, language .... If I have learned one thing from my LDR, it would be this: if you love someone, like really love, all these things lose importance and you only go with your heart. I know it can be very scary, but donīt let fear of unknown future stole love from you. I love the saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but what is now is called present." Enjoy this "present", enjoy what you have right now and donīt overthink future.

[cecile02]

At the beginning, I was more hopefull than I am now.I feel sad because of New Year's eve too. Again, I will be alone. Loneliness is harder and harder to bear. Am I too old for this kind of LDR?
It's good to read you. Thank you for your messages.

[Moon]

At the beginning, I was more hopefull than I am now.I feel sad because of New Year's eve too. Again, I will be alone. Loneliness is harder and harder to bear. Am I too old for this kind of LDR?
It's good to read you. Thank you for your messages.

I hope not, I'm older than you are, and I've been doing this for close to 5 years, at a much greater distance. It has nothing to do with your age and everything to do with how you perceive your relationship. If you dwell on the feelings of loneliness, then you're going to feel bad, and have doubts. You need to look at things differently, for me, I know for certain that I'd rather have my guy at 4300 miles away, than not at all. Yes, I get lonely and some days are harder than others, but I try to take advantage of the good parts of an LDR as often as I can. I do what I want, when I want. I'm the Master of the Remote. If I skip shaving for a while in Winter, who cares? I decide all financial matters for myself. I can go to bed as late, or early, as I want, etc. Do you see what I mean? I'll be alone New Years Eve also, and it'll suck, but I'll get through it. You can too, you just have to be strong and decide that that's what you want to do. Good luck.