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Lots of feelings and need help.

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    #1

    Lots of feelings and need help.

    Hello Everyone,

    Basically this is my situation, i moved to Canada in 2012 where i met my boyfriend, we fell in love very quickly and i moved in with him practically straight away. i had to move back home this October after being together for a year and 4 months, but now the relationship is so different, i know there is the obvious that we are 4570 miles apart, but we argue a lot, i feel i am doing all the work to get back to him, i have to send him money because otherwise he doesn't eat or take care of himself and he is a type 1 diabetic. He gets angry with me because he is depressed and he misses me but i get frustrated trying to pick up his mood every single time we talk. We have terrible fights sometimes all because of his mood and how he is feeling and because im not catering well enough. I spoke to him about it the other day and said that i felt like he was becoming caught up with him own emotions and forgetting what im feeling and how his actions are making the situation worse not better. I said to him that i feel like im carrying us both along dragging us to the finish line the finish line being me going back, and its exhausting and stressful. Anyway recently i keep thinking about not wanting to go back to Canada, i was so happy with him and i don't know whether the feelings im having are because of this hard phase we are going through or because our relationship is boring being so far apart. Its just hard im questioning my feelings for him, and i keep saying to myself wait and see go back to Canada and you will see everything is going to be fine, but part of me thinks that i should end it and be on my own for a while, but there is and even bigger part of me that is saying no wait try a bit harder. Does anyone have any advice, or been through the same thing is this normal?
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    #2
    He needs help for his depression, beyond you. Then you can see things clearer.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
      He needs help for his depression, beyond you. Then you can see things clearer.
      Its not clinical depression he is just a very emotional person and becomes enveloped in his own emotions and forgets about anyone else.

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        #4
        LDRs are hard and transitions from CD to LD can be really tough on a relationship. You really need to sit down and have a proper, calm talk about if you both still want to and how you will make this relationship work. LDRs arent all bad but they are hard and definitely not for everyone, but there are tons of great advice and support on here as well as tips about tools to help the relationship.

        Ill repeat the LD mantra now and stress that communication is the key, not only in LDRs but in any relationship. Good luck, hope you can get back up and going after this roadbump.
        We part only to meet again ~ J.Gay

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          #5
          Originally posted by Olaf_90 View Post
          Its not clinical depression he is just a very emotional person and becomes enveloped in his own emotions and forgets about anyone else.
          You discribe him as unable to feed himself unless you urge him. That is at least a red flag. Even if he is only semi -depressed you cannot handle that alone from afar.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Ask yourself two questions:
            1. Can you live without him?
            2. How would you want him to treat you if the situation were reversed and you were the one depressed and needing his help?

            Without knowing all the details, I'd think you could at least give him more time if you love him.

            Good luck and welcome to the forum.

            Comment

              #7
              Of course you are having doubts. There are some things you can do, like making sure you are in contact the best you can. But the problem is, even in cd, having your partner feel low all the time is uncouraging and can also lead to the other person feeling equally low. In fact, even the fact that he has to keep a diet /Following a medical regime can be stressful. Is he in contact with a diabetic nurse or a clinic? Can he regulate with medicines? Does he know how to use food to regulate? Sub -clinical depression due to ilness is not uncommon. There are courses to take to better deal with cronic ilness. I think one needs to start at the basic, with the body.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

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