Do You Want To Break Up With Him/Her?

[aojeda50]

Is there ever a time where you start to think about possibly ending your ldr with your SO for whatever reason?

Maybe because of the fear of it not working out in the end, thinking it's too good to be true.
If so, What do you usually do to help you get that strength to keep going and holding on to make things work?

I have never personally considered breaking up with my SO, but sometimes I do get scared of it possibly ending, whether it be him ending it, or me.

[differentcountries]

Yes of course. But I don't follow through with that thought, because I believe we can sort out stuff together.

[Ahava]

Only during my deepest darkest insecure moments have I ever had fears/thoughts of it ending/him leaving me.
So no. I know we won't be able to close the distance for a long long long time, but I feel confident in us and we make each other happy
I do also sometimes feel sad about all the things I am missing out on being in a LDR, but I don't have to think twice about it. I wouldn't have it any other way!

[stormy]

I have. It lasted about a day, I was (am) just really scared of being hurt... I know that if we stick out the distance we can really make out relationship work as long as we both want to. But sometimes I do worry that what I am feeling will all just be taken away from me in someway.

[BabyGund]

Just that when it's time for him to pull the trigger, so to speak, he won't. And that would be the end of us.

I try not to focus on that though....because we have years before that happens and ANYTHING could happen between now and then.

When I try to focus on and control the future too much is when things start to break down with us. I need to stay in the present and leave the future to figure itself out

[kittyo9]

Sometimes when we are going through periods of extreme stress and we start to fight more, one or both of us will consider the possibility of breaking up or taking a break from the relationship. I don't like that idea, though, and I think that we can definitely make it through, we just have to put in the work to get through the rough patches.

[differentcountries]

He is actually more in the "maybe this will not work "mode than I am, but he also said right after meeting me that he wants to grow old with me, so mostly I don't worry. I can get angry because I cant marry him though, but we will manage it still.

[Kitten_mittens]

Honestly feeling this way right now We broke up before for a short bit but got back together again. I really want to make it work so I try to just think of the positives. Sorry it's not the greatest advice.

[piratemama]

I have, but I'm not happy to admit it. Because of the nature of the LDR, there are times when I misunderstand him. I've learned that it is always a miscommunication issue whenever I get upset with him. Due to experience with it, I've learned to wait 24 hours before responding, when I am mad or hurt. It gives me time to think, to pray, and to consider his viewpoint. Many times I see it differently than I did at first. I don't even have to mention it to him in those cases. I've never told him that I had thought about breaking up, because I have time to see everything completely differently. Even married couples will think about divorce from time-to-time, so it doesn't mean anything bad. It's always great to take time to think issues through.

I've thought about how this is too good to be true, and I'm so scared he's playing me. That's just my emotions and crazy thinking. I know better and I know it's the distance, so I talk to myself and move on.

When he's done something (or not done something) that hurts my feelings, I'll try to keep quiet about it for a short time. Usually during that time, he'll say something that reassures me or shows his love. If not, I'll try talking with him about it. He's never trying to make me mad or hurt my feelings, so he always makes me feel better about my doubts. He has the same fears and doubts, too.

[Kitten_mittens]

I have, but I'm not happy to admit it. Because of the nature of the LDR, there are times when I misunderstand him. I've learned that it is always a miscommunication issue whenever I get upset with him. Due to experience with it, I've learned to wait 24 hours before responding, when I am mad or hurt. It gives me time to think, to pray, and to consider his viewpoint. Many times I see it differently than I did at first. I don't even have to mention it to him in those cases. I've never told him that I had thought about breaking up, because I have time to see everything completely differently. Even married couples will think about divorce from time-to-time, so it doesn't mean anything bad. It's always great to take time to think issues through.

I've thought about how this is too good to be true, and I'm so scared he's playing me. That's just my emotions and crazy thinking. I know better and I know it's the distance, so I talk to myself and move on.

When he's done something (or not done something) that hurts my feelings, I'll try to keep quiet about it for a short time. Usually during that time, he'll say something that reassures me or shows his love. If not, I'll try talking with him about it. He's never trying to make me mad or hurt my feelings, so he always makes me feel better about my doubts. He has the same fears and doubts, too.

This is the best thing I've read in a while. Me and my SO fight too much due to miscommunications. I'm going to try this. Thank you piratemama.

[Mims27]

The only time when I've actually thought about it was when it came really close that her and her family move to California...Her being in Atlanta was hard and expensive enough as it is and I couldn't not see it working out if we were that far from each other. For me, anyway. I still don't think it would've worked. Thankfully they moves to Pennsylvania instead! Man that was a rough time though!

[differentcountries]

It is good to hold your tounge and sometimes things will pass on their own. Sometimes they will not. And in LDRs, it is even harder than in usual relationships to wrap your head around the "is this real or am I making too big a deal " stuff. Because if you have a limited ammount of time, it may be easier to not rock the boat. I used to be very confrontational, but the nature of LDRs make this hard unless you want things to get really ugly. The upside is that there is lots of room to reflect because you spend a lot of time appart. I thought about something for over a month before saying something. Then I was really certain. And the thing was, even though it surprised him to hear it, he did really agree. And from that even though it has bugged me for weeks, it was easily fixed and I even saw his side, too. It was perhaps the scariest thing I did since we got together, not hiding behind my anger or my tiredness or anything, just stating simply : i think i need this. And being so raw, almost emotionally naked from that. Because it is scary to come clean when we don't feel perfectly safe. We want to protect ourselves.

[Zephii]

No, never wanted to break up, but we didn't get together for years because of all those reasons. Because being together would be impossible, so we tried not to love each other. Dated other people. Said we were just good friends. When that didn't work, we committed to each other - honestly it felt like we didn't have another choice. And once we committed, we didn't look back.

I feel that once you stop including breaking up as an option (especially during fights) it's much easier to find other solutions.

[melarie]

Only once, around the beginning of the summer. We discussed taking a break because of something his brother said to him. Basically, we were worried that with our lack of experience we didn't know what we were doing, and we thought maybe we should try to see other people. It was stupid, and that thought didn't last long. I haven't thought about breaking up since.(Except the occasional fear that he'll leave me of course)

[Moon]

Honestly, no, I haven't. At this point in my life, I know when I've found something worthwhile, and I appreciate it every day. Sure, there are moments when it's probably good that he's like 4200+ miles away, but breaking up? Nope. Zephii made a great point in that once you take breaking up off the table as an option, you find other ways to make it work. I love the guy, and I can no longer imagine a day where he's not in it.

Our second visit was a complete disaster, for 10 straight days I contemplated just going home, but I knew if I did that, it would probably be the end, so I didn't. And we worked it out.