Long distance becoming too up and down. realising too late ????

[natashac]

Hey there everyone,

I am kinda new to this but im running out of options and feel like im failing.
Me and my partner have together for a few years but only separated in each others citizen countries for one year. We have struggled (alot!!!). hes alot stronger than me and has been trying to hold the fort for us. He recently came over for Christmas which was magical given the horrendous period of time leading up to it. It made me really see how much i do love this man and i cannot live a day with out him in my life even though i have really pushed him to his limits.

Anybody else feel like theyve done the same or been through similar. I am being positive and hoping that we can work it out and he will find our magic for us again and i cant really try and move over there, but that is another year, and after having an awful year already - why would he want to ? silly question cos he loves me as much as i love him, but were both up and down and its so heavy on the heart that sometimes moving on seems the answer. but i dont want that answer.

I feel like i need a huge miracle for our relationship to come back to life again. Weve done it before, but this time feels extremely tough and i miss him and need him and cant bare the thought of breaking up especially when we ARE together holding each other - it is absolute heaven. we never argue but separated, its sometimes hell im realllllyyy trying ...

any people feel the same?

[Randomness]

Hi!

I understand how frustrating it can be being away from the person that you connect with and love so much. Its extremely hard!
I also understand that at times you do want to give up- I'm sure we aren't the only ones who feel overwhelmed sometimes.

I believe in my heart that's just you missing your heart and not being able to do anything about it at that moment, leads to feelings like this.
You said that he is staying strong, but look, you have too! If you love him you can continue to hold on too.

I know I had to do things to occupy my time when we couldn't talk as much as I would like to and finding sites like these and interacting with other people who are going through the same thing and may have the same feelings as you is really therapeutic.

Hang on, everything is fine. Stay strong. Love hard.

[differentcountries]

Long distance manifies disagreement and create emotional distance. You can not rely on him to keep your relationship together. There are no easy ways, but a lot of us here are in the same boat as you.

[jana89]

Hi, welcome to LFAD forums I must admit I´m not sure what is the problem. Due to your profile I guess you are together for about three years, which shows me quite a strong relationship. You said, your SO visited you for Christmas, which is great , many of us were not so lucky. You also say that you love him and he loves you, but then you ask how to "find the magic again". LDR is exhausting sometimes, you may have doubts, but if you two made it for three years, I think you still have the magic. Different situation would be if you are together more-or-less from tradition even though deeper bond is dead. Then I think you should end it. You may feel empty and miserable once a while in LDR I guess, but it shouldn´t be the all-time feeling.

[BabyGund]

I guess I don't understand what's causing the up and down....is it the distance and missing each other?

to LFAD, BTW!

[natashac]

I know me and my SO have been lucky in that we have managed to see each other for a couple of weeks, which i understand is more than some couples and that must be tough and i forever give those couples my wishes cos LDR really do strain our bodies. Weve had a relationship for three years but only one of those has been LD and were just feeling the struggle and i just wanted to really see if anybody else shares those same thoughts of going up and down which me and my SO have both been through and just how people kinda get through that feeling of being so low you think you go separate ways but then the other half of you still loving that person you dont WANT to let go. Relationships are never easy, even if your right by their side!

[natashac]

Thanks so much for your reply!! You have really kind words and i really appreciate it. in life we suffer up and down and i guess its really emphasised during a LDR... thank you so much.

unfortunately i hadnt got the hang of this yet and i posted this twice and ive just worked out how to close this thread and keep the other open. Thank you again for your kind words!!! kind wishes to you!

[natashac]

I lost communication with him and being alone made me forget who we are together and i lost myself. He was great and trying to help me. I was in doubt of moving over the USA from the UK and felt maybe there was other ways, maybe him here, and then i lost myself even more. So hes then followed me in to a low emotion, after being with him in his company - it reminded me of how wrong i was being and this is what i want and need, but our situation pushed him so low and now i am on a high. Unfortunately that low being something that maybe we cant salvage. Hope that makes more sense.

[squeeker]

Oh yes. Both my boyfriend and I can be very emotional people. Well I tend to be more emotional, and end up going through more mood changes.. but then when he gets low, he stays low for much longer than I.

Through our 3+ years of being a couple and 4+ years of knowing each other, the majority has been long distance with some nice trips in between, and we have gone through ups and downs. I think being apart can magnify the emotions, and frustrations, but I think it can probably happen in any relationship regardless of distance.

There have been many times our plans have been changed, times when things seem hopeless, where maybe we don't even see how we could ever live in the same place. But then we always come back to the fact we want to be together and figure out what we are doing at present to get there and just know it will take a few years. We both had to go back to university so we could give ourselves a better chance to get a good job in the field we like.

Try and stay strong, hold on, remember the good moments and why he is worth it. You'll get through it. And also, since you just got back from a visit, the emotions are usually running higher because you haven't got back into a routine. Though even if you've gotten into a routine, they can still strike.

It's normal, just try and hold on and stay strong. It's good when you can stay strong when he is falling apart, and vice versa.

Usually it's me that starts being emotional and then he starts feeling bad because of what I say or something and then I realize how much what I said affected him, and realize maybe I was being stupid or whatever it was and try and figure it out and cheer him up.. but he is harder to cheer up because he can go into a deeper depressed state of mind sometimes. He has also had a lot more affect him when he has been younger.

Stay strong, welcome to LFAD.. And I personally want to say how much I love seeing other North America/UK couples. I've been to Manchester a few times because it's where I always fly to/from when I go to see my boyfriend (except my first visit where I flew to/from London Gatwick. lol ) Good luck and stay strong!!