Starting to Think it's Not Meant to Be Right Now.

[ethelynn]

I am also in depression and i'm struggling with my self-worth. My SO is also a guy who just accepts things he can't change and when i come to him with my problems or feeling low, he wants to offer solutions and find ways to help me (i do assume you talk about more than just being far away from him) when i'd need support. But with one difference, he doesn't tell me that it's overwhelming him and he wants me to be able to talk to him knowing i'd do the same to him whenever he needs. He does his best to understand where i'm coming from and don't judge. That is one of the reasons I love him. Maybe it is because we were best friends first, but it is important in a relationship. In my last one, the guy just kept telling me how i'm draining him and instead of me just telling about my problems, it ended up in arguments often because he didn't even try much to understand me or why i say something. After I needed to talk to him when i was feeling quite low and needed a little help to get out of it, it ended up a 3 day argument of how i drain him and take his mood down. Having to fight for getting a bit of support is more exhausting and made me feel so much worse about myself, like i didnt deserve it. Don't let that happen to you! Being in depression and with low self-worth, if it was me, that kind of attitude would make it worse - having the most important person in my life just not trying hard to understand me and not judge me, yet coming to me with all his own problems to me.

[JoeyBug]

You've gotten a lot of good advice, I just wanted to add that if you ever need to talk, you can always PM me, I'll listen and try to offer support

[OperaDiva]

Hm, that word "needy" ... read this, if you have time - https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ove...t-being-needy/
I actually find it worrying that he shares with you but does not reciprocate the listening. I see it as a communication disbalance that needs to be addressed between you two. Good luck!

[piratemama]

Hm, that word "needy" ... read this, if you have time - https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ove...t-being-needy/
I actually find it worrying that he shares with you but does not reciprocate the listening. I see it as a communication disbalance that needs to be addressed between you two. Good luck!

Excellent article. The point is valid, and we all should remember it. We do have needs to are normal and natural, and they don't make us "needy."

[Kitten_mittens]

Hm, that word "needy" ... read this, if you have time - https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ove...t-being-needy/
I actually find it worrying that he shares with you but does not reciprocate the listening. I see it as a communication disbalance that needs to be addressed between you two. Good luck!

Very good article. Thank you. I will see if the problem is solved before I try to talk about it again.

[differentcountries]

A little note on needy: needy is a terrible word. And not only because saying someone is needy can cover up stuff most people want and benifit from getting, it is also because it refers to real problems (such as depression and how to cope with it within a relationship) as if they could be grow out of/be fixed by will alone. Even if there was such a thing as one person being mature and the other less so, taking part in a who is more mature-competition is not helpful and earns no communication stars. What I love most about non Violent Communication is this : it is not about being right, but to say something to connect. Connection is everything.

[Ahava]

Well said DC!

[Carol]

I fully understand what you go through right now. I have the exact problem with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 6 months, and haven't seen each other yet. I have some issues in this relationship, but always, when I try to re-open talk about it, he says I am not patient enough, and that he is tired of talking about it again and again, so exactly as you said, I am afraid to express myself and let him know what bothers me. Today he simply told me, that we may meet for the first time in August, and when I replied that the thought we celebrate our first anniversary over skype and still won't see each other in person is "awesome", all he did was the "annoyed" look and distance the rest of day. I am trying to be empathetic, but wish he was trying as well. I love him very much though, so I am not thinking about breaking up with him. But I do have a lot of issues and wish I could freely talk about them and get support instead of ending upset and guilty for opening some "thorny" topics