My feelings

[Carol]

I don't need any advice, I guess I just need to spill my guts.

I met my current boyfriend on the internet 18 months ago, and we started dating 6 months ago. We are from different continents and I need to finish my studies this year. We do see each other on skype almost every day, however, he cannot talk to me, he can just type. His family would not understand that he is in a LDR, so he does not want to tell them about me, that's why he does not talk. I can hear him very occasionally, and I miss his voice sooo much! Especially when birthday came up, or Christmas, or when I go through difficult times. It makes me very sad that even these days he won't tell me a word.

When we started to date, he sat his goal to visit me in February. But February is coming, and I know he won't make it. There are plenty of things going on in his life, and so if he couldn't make it for a reason, I would understand it. But I don't like that he simply relies on "postponing" our meet instead of doing his best to make it. He still has a month to keep his goal, but when I asked him about it, he said "I don't know if i can make it, let me just say that I will visit you in August or sooner". In August? It's another 7 months! 7 months without a hug, without a kiss, and without hearing his voice! It's a very tough thought for me. And the way he let me know this... I plan on being with him after my graduation, however after a year in a LDR, I want to be sure we will match. How can I make sure about that if I won't spend a day in his presence?

I have great days with him, and I love him very much. But I do have issues and unfortunately I got into a point when I am worried to express what makes me sad or bothers me, because the result is, that I am too impatient and ungrateful in his eyes and end up guilty and upset. I wish he had understanding for me, and I was not the only one who still understands and let concerns go. Damn I sometimes need a support as well!

Do I want too much if I want to have as normal relationship as possible this way? To hear emotions? To get a hug from the person I love, instead of hearing milion reasons why we can't meet instead of seeing that he tries, not just talk? That I want to call my boyfriend on his phone and know he will reply even though he is not alone?

I don't want to give this up, because this guy is the "one" I was always dreaming about. And he can make me happy, if he wants to. I also don't want to punish him for obstacles that won't let him visit me, so I am not going to set a deadline, but I seriously hope I could see him before my graduation, so I can be sure that this all is worth it and that I can safely focus on trying to be with him in the same country. I guess I just need a gesture that will show me he tries and seriously wants to see me in person. I wish I got this gesture so badly.

To everyone who read this, thank you for patience with such a long "story".

[melarie]

Hey, I met my boyfriend around the same month I can't imagine how hard it must be not getting to hear him. Does he never get the house to himself for an hour or so?

And you shouldn't feel guilty for voicing your concerns! That sort of thing is important in a relationship and he needs to let you. Never feel guilty for it. But anyway, best of luck to you guys and welcome to the forum (:

[piratemama]

Welcome to the forum. It does seem odd that he doesn't ever get anytime alone to talk with you over Skype. I can see how it might be financially impossible to travel to a different continent, and he might not want to tell you that money is the reason. You should feel free to share any concerns you have with him; just be respectful and calm. As everyone on the forum has said to me a time or two, communication is key.

Don't feel bad for having your needs. You are perfectly normal, but it's not easy to get needs met in an LDR. You both have to be willing to try and work hard. It can't be one-sided all the time.

[Carol]

Hi, thank you

Yes, I am aware of the fact it would be money issue, I would just rather know that it's this reason than wonder it's something else. I think I was just suprised that he so simply suggested August, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I know that the communication is key, and I have always let him express everything negative. I am not saying some things didn't make me disappointed, but I never blamed him for saying them, and recently, he does not want to accept my "complaining" at all. I am getting quite frustrated about this fact.

[Carol]

Hi thank you, you are sweet
Ya, I get the change to hear him like 20-40 mins per week, if everything goes fine I know I shouldn't feel guilty, however my boyfriend's behavior is always distant for a few days if I express something that is not completely positive, so I rather end up apologizing

I hope it goes great in your relationship

[differentcountries]

Hi, thank you

Yes, I am aware of the fact it would be money issue, I would just rather know that it's this reason than wonder it's something else. I think I was just suprised that he so simply suggested August, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I know that the communication is key, and I have always let him express everything negative. I am not saying some things didn't make me disappointed, but I never blamed him for saying them, and recently, he does not want to accept my "complaining" at all. I am getting quite frustrated about this fact.

About the visits : I had a hard time planning visits with my so previously. He was unsure about our relationship, he is both working and studying, and he is not used to having someone like me in his life. He also do not have much money, which is why I bought him a smart phone and pay most expenses for our visits. It is just something I have to do for us to be in contact. i know how much he earns and what his expenses are. I had to be a bit stern with him to get him to plan proper. It was not that he did not want to see me, it was just strange for him to act comitted. Also, we struggled a bit with me whining and him being cold. It was hard for me to be away from him and I showed it,while he did not talk so much about it. He learned me to calm down, I showed him it is ok to open up. Talk to him. A lot. Figure out your stuff. You will thank yourselves.