Need help!

[Samantha94]

I don't know if it is the right place to talk about it (couldn't post it to LDR Adults section yet - but there is nothing that bad here).

Me and SO are having problems lately. Its about sexual intimacy in ldr. The day before he left, we slept together for the first time (both virgins). Now it has been a month we have been apart and one day he asked me if I could send him few pictures of myself and I didn't agree. Firstly, I would feel so uncomfortable taking pictures of myself and secondly who knows what will happen to those pictures. So this is a definitely a no-no. Furthermore, I am not comfortable with intimate Skype videos. I mean, I am still feeling so weird about it all and it feels like I am still not grown up yet. He is saying that we are losing sexual intimacy and I don't know what to do.

Do you have any suggestions what we could do - something that I would be comfortable with?

[CanadianGirl]

Definitely let him know if you're feeling pressured or if you feel obligated to act more sexual because of what he said. Only do it because that's what you want. I know I wasn't comfortable swapping pictures with my SO at the start, since I was still getting to know him and still exploring my own sexuality. Back then, we mostly just talked about sex often and that felt pretty intimate. Things like what we wanted to try, things we know we like, fantasies etc. Again, you shouldn't feel forced to do anything and he has to respect that.

[differentcountries]

Take it easy, one step at a time... When you are older and more experienced you may feel differently. It is good that you think of internet security. If you one day decide to swap pictures, you will have discussed how they will be stored etc. Intimate Skype will feel akward if you have not yet posed to anyone live. Everything is more fun when you feel relaxed, it should not feel forced. You can flirt and explore and fantasize together. You have only just begun.

[piratemama]

Only do what you feel comfortable with. If he cares for you, he will understand. Maybe you could explain how you feel and that you need a little more time. You should never share anything intimate that you aren't comfortable doing. You have boundaries, and he should respect those.

[jana89]

I made some pics for my SO, but didnīt feel comfortable doing it so I told him Iīm not going to do it again. He accepts it, although once a while he would still try and ask for some, even though he knows the answer is gonna be "no". If we feel like it, we chat about what we would do if we were together etc., but even this needs both sides to be comfortable with. On New Yearīs Eve I did Skype strip tease for my SO, but it took me two years to get to the point where I would do something like that. There is a great book, called "500 intimate questions for couples". You can answer those questions together and find out lots about yourself and your SO in this area. There are plenty of questions for people who are still waiting for their first time, also for those who just recently started and for people who are "advanced" The point is - donīt do anything you arenīt hundred percent comfortable with, anything you donīt want to do, because if you would feel weird or pressured, you wonīt enjoy.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I don't know if it is the right place to talk about it (couldn't post it to LDR Adults section yet - but there is nothing that bad here).

Me and SO are having problems lately. Its about sexual intimacy in ldr. The day before he left, we slept together for the first time (both virgins). Now it has been a month we have been apart and one day he asked me if I could send him few pictures of myself and I didn't agree. Firstly, I would feel so uncomfortable taking pictures of myself and secondly who knows what will happen to those pictures. So this is a definitely a no-no. Furthermore, I am not comfortable with intimate Skype videos. I mean, I am still feeling so weird about it all and it feels like I am still not grown up yet. He is saying that we are losing sexual intimacy and I don't know what to do.

Do you have any suggestions what we could do - something that I would be comfortable with?

Take it slow, you are young and inexperienced. And he had to leave so soon after your first time together. That must really be hard for both of you. Do only what you feel comfortable with. Have an open and honest conversation with him and tell him how you feel, but also be willing to listen to his ideas, too. You are in this together, so both of you have feelings, and needs, that need to be respected. Just be sure to let him know you love him, and want him to be happy, but are not comfortable yet with the idea of intimacy as part of your LDR, but are willing to learn. If you are not comfortable with intimate Skype videos, perhaps you can start with phone sex, without web cam. Share fantasies with him, and then just let your imagination loose and see where it takes you. One thing to remember, something mine told me, sexual intimacy is important in a relationship, even in an LDR, as an expression and extension of love. Be honest, open, and think with your heart, not with your mind. Let go of any taboos you might have picked up during your childhood and growing up years, from parents, teachers, or religion.