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    #1

    He keeps asking "are we good"

    My SO keeps asking the question "Are we good?"
    Like at the end of his day (I'm 6 hours behind) he will say "I feel like we haven't talked much today." and i said "It's okay we can catch up tomorrow on skype" and he said okay, as long as we everything is good with us?

    I feel great about our relationship. I just saw him this month in his country and am going to see him in April when he comes here. I worry that he doesn't feel like things are going well when he asks me this all the time.
    Is it just that he wants to make sure I am okay with everything, or could it be that he's asking me this question because HE doesn't feel like things are "good"

    Maybe i'm just over thinking it. I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience?
    Tags: confused, conversation, miscommunication, overthink, worried
    #2
    He probably just has insecurities. I tend to think things are wrong when they are not sometimes. Have you asked him about it?

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      #3
      Oh, I totally get this! I do the same thing to my SO! I don't word it that way, but I'm always asking him "are you okay." My reason is the same though; I think he is quiet and something is wrong with us. I don't think it's because your SO thinks anything is wrong with your relationship. I don't in my case. I'm very sensitive to changes in my SO's behavior, and I'm paranoid. Also, I'm a words of affirmation and need lots of reassurances. If your SO is like that, he may just need his daily dose of wordy reassurance from you. If you are being quiet, he's not getting it.

      It's the nature of the LDR to be insecure more about what the other is doing or feeling. It's not because anything is wrong, but we are scared of losing the one we love. We don't have the normal signals in a relationship that come in being close to one another with body language and facial expression.

      I drove my SO crazy at first with my questions. At first, I'd ask if anything was wrong, but I've gotten better about that one. He's trying to understand me better, and I'm trying to stop being so darn insecure. Your SO may be like me and simply need more words of love and comfort.

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        #4
        Been there, done that.
        I used to be very insecure in the relationship. I never had a stable mature relationship, so I was always scared it could end any second and if we didn't talk much I got even more scared. It took some convincing on his part, about half a year, until I felt completely save and know that he won't just run away.
        I think he just needs some reassurance.

        Relationship began: 05/22/2012
        First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
        Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
        Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
        Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
        Married: 1/24/2015
        Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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          #5
          I think it's very considerate of him to ask how the relationship is going. Probably once a week my SO and I have a "so how do you feel about the relationship" conversation. It's time to open up about anything that was bothering us and fix what needs to be fixed. Though most of the time it's just like "everything's good!"

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            #6
            I think that this is actually a great sign like many other people have pointed out. This week I was feeling pretty reclusive and my SO did not mention that he was worried that my feelings for him had lessened until I said something that made him see that I do care. Him admitting that he was worried allowed for us to have a conversation about what was going on this week, and also opened the conversation to make sure that we have more conversations! ha.

            Met in July 2006
            Dated very briefly in November 2006
            Reconnected in July 2011
            Something changed in August 2013
            He visited in November 2013
            I traveled in November 2013
            I visit in February 2014

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by lucybelle View Post
              I think it's very considerate of him to ask how the relationship is going.
              Just wanted to 2nd this
              He probably feels bad about not enough time, but if you are unhappy he will make extra time as you are his too priority. My man would ask me this before going to sleep when we were 12 hours different. It was like he wanted to make sure we/I was ok before he slept to make sure I wasn't feeling neglected. I thought it was adorable. :red face:

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                #8
                Thank you all so much for your great feedback it feels good knowing this is a common thing!

                I think what makes it even more difficult is that we are both paranoid and sensitive about things. Like we just got off of a skype call but the whole time i was worried that i was boring him :/

                I asked him how his family was and he said "wow that's the first time you've asked me that since you've been here that's amazing" which made me feel really crappy, especially when I had asked about his family since I went there! I didn't tell him I was offended by his comment, but he did ask me what was up. I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it because I don't like getting into disagreements.

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