My SO is moving for me and everyone makes me feel guilty

[Anoulie]

So my SO is planning on moving to Germany for me... it makes the most sense for us right now because I'm in med school (which is about $600 per year here in tuition fees and would be far more expensive and difficult for me to get into in the US) and he's basically self-employed and works from home. (Also, there's a lot I dislike about his country, and he's not terribly patriotic either.) We're planning on him moving to my city towards the end of the year, which I think is awesome, but I worry a lot about him leaving behind his life in the States and his friends and family and everything, even though he assures me he'll be fine and doesn't mind.
We've decided to live in Germany at least until I graduate, and that if he doesn't like the country (anymore/yet) then, we'll move somewhere else. I figured that's a fair compromise and I can mostly deal with my feelings of guilt now, but then I always get people being all shocked about him moving here (he doesn't really speak German, which is another problem). And that does make me feel guilty and I never know what to say.
Do any of you guys deal with this and if so, how do you cope?

[Malaga]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. But screw other people! If you guys both felt it was a good idea and agreed with your own free will, then how would anyone else know better? The fact that he doesn't speak German (yet) may only be seen as a problem in other people's minds. Some people would never move to a place where they can't understand the language, while other people don't have that problem. It all depends on the person. I know a whole American expat community here where I live that after years of living here speak about 10 words of the local language, if that. They don't mind though, they get by with English just fine. Regardless of what other people think you 'should' do, you should only do what makes sense to both of you.

Good luck xx

[OperaDiva]

Are you sure people are not just impressed that he is so committed to the relationship? (trying a positive spin here) My SO also plans to move here to be with me, and mostly his friends are happy for him (but also because they see how it would be beneficial for him professionally). I do feel guilty sometimes, but I talked to him about it and it doesn't feel so bad anymore. I respect that it is his choice, and I love him even more for supporting my professional choices. Don't try to own his choices and their consequences. You are part of his life, but he is the one living it

[CanadianGirl]

Those other people are being judgmental jerks and probably using a whole lot of unjustified stereotypes to fill in details. If a guy said his girlfriend was moving closer, I feel as though most people would think it was natural and sweet. I'd say to ignore them, or if they're a closer friend, explain that LDR's come down to moving to be together and that they should be happy for both of you.

[squeeker]

Yeah like others said, I think since both of you made this decision together and are happy with it, don't worry about what other people have said. It's good you have given other options if he doesn't like where you live.. you are being flexible.. you will be together.. that's the important thing. Maybe people are jealous of your love and commitment? :P

[Boston's girl]

Don't worry about what other people say. It isn't their life. Life is too short to not be happy!

[lucybelle]

First I do want to say that I don't think anyone should move anywhere to be with a person. They should move because it'll look great on a resume, life experiences, learning new languages, chances to travel, etc. As soon as it becomes only about one person, the person moving can and will be resentful. Every time they're sad or mad they'll think "this is so-and-so's fault". So make sure he's moving because HE wants to. Because it'll be AWESOME for him. Because he's always wanted to do something like this. Not just because "well my girlfriend lives there".

Anyways, screw people. They suck. Moving to be with my SO was the best decision I ever made. I am a changed person (for the better, for the most part ). Living in a new country is an amazing experience that not everyone gets a chance to live. So live it up!

[snow_girl]

Lucky for him there are tons of German language schools in Germany! He can take some classes, learn German in no time and make some friends!

[rachel.guffey]

It sounds to me as if everyone else is jealous of your relationship and how successful it has been thus far. You're happy, and that's what everyone craves; love and happiness. You have found someone that is willing to leave his life behind in order to create a new life with you, and I think that is beyond wonderful. Don't feel guilty. If we all listened to what everyone else had to say about our relationships then I'm pretty sure none of us would be here right now. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "I don't know how you do it!", or "You don't worry about him cheating?", or "I couldn't do that." One guy even had the balls to tell me, "It's not a real relationship if you don't have the same zip code." WTF?! When people are envious of what you have they choose to try and destroy it. Be happy and proud of what you have, girl! I'm so happy for you

[Alsfia]

I've gotten that a couple of times as well. My SO and I are taking a gap year and are not going to stay living together during uni but will take a "break" from being LD in Finland (though he doesn't speak any Finnish yet, fair amount of Swedish by now though) and hopefully move there permanently once we're out of uni, and I've had people both close to me and not so close questioning our decisions and dreams. It's discouraging for sure but I'm (we're) lucky enough to have at least some supportive friends and family members, and it helps focusing on their support instead of the negative comments.

[Zephii]

We've been CD for years now and people still use the guilt thing on me. BOTH sides of the family do it. At the end of the day, people are arseholes. My best advice is to be sure in your decision and harden your heart to the critisism because it won't necessarily stop once you've gone through with the plan.

[piratemama]

I'm sorry people are giving you grief and taking away some joy from this move. Somebody will always criticize. I agree with Squeeker - it's probably jealousy. Hang in there!

[BagOfPenguins]

I'm with everyone, don't worry about what people say, do what makes the two of you happy. Also, he'll learn German in no time, I've seen several people who moved to Germany learn it very quickly.

[Dziubka]

Lucky for him there are tons of German language schools in Germany! He can take some classes, learn German in no time and make some friends!

And tons of people who would be more than happy to have conversation in German/teach German in exchange for conversation with a native English speaker. If he takes classes and gets a tandem partner, he should be conversational really quickly. And like Malaga said, I know a few foreigners (in Germany and in Poland) who never really learnt the local languages and are alive and healthy, so it is definitely possible to get by.

I agree with lucybelle that moving "for someone" isn't really a good idea, so I'd "sell" it differently. Germany is not such a bad place to live. He's moving here so he can experience a new culture, learn a new language, meet interesting people, see Euope, have new experiences, ...
If you tell it to yourself and others like that, there's nothing you have to feel guilty about. True enough, he probably would never move to Germany if he hadn't met you, but not neccessarily because he wouldn't have wanted to, maybe it would just have been too difficult or he wouldn't have known where to start or how to find his way around.