How do you deal with grief when they leave?

[TheGoldfish]

My SO and I met for the first time January 19th, and he stayed for a month. We had a beautiful Valentine's day, and we got a beautiful hotel. He left Sunday, and I stayed in the hotel, and was supposed to check out today. I couldn't sleep there another minute, though. I couldn't help thinking that he was sitting there, or lying next to me in the bed, or seeing him in the Jacuzzi. I couldn't stop crying and even now I miss him more than anything else, and I'm desperately trying to compose myself but I just can't. My heart just feels so broken. Does anyone have any advice? How do you get through this?

[differentcountries]

by planning the next visit, crying, writing in my journal and making him gifts/letters. And having contact over Skype/Viber.

[CanadianGirl]

If I need to cry, I'll cry. I usually write to make myself feel better (about the fun we had, plans for the future, a love letter/gift idea etc). If the leaving date is on a weekend, we usually both end up going back home to spend time with our families. If it's a weekday, he has work and I have school, and staying busy helps too.

[aojeda50]

The day he took me to the airport on my last day there, we got there early so we had time to spend with each other. But it was horrible just sitting there waiting for the time to board the plane.
I left him a note in his house. When it was finally time to go through my gate, I turned to say bye to him and he handed me a note he had written and told me to read it on the plane.
We both started crying. It was such a horrible feeling. I think almost all of us here have gone through this. I was crying waiting in the line to get through security.
But once I got on the plane I decided to pull myself together, considering there were so many peopl around me.
What I did was read that note a few times. And I decided to bring out my little journal and write him a letter on the plane, that I would later send to him.
Then I would just watch the videos we took together and look at the photos. That helped me a lot.
A simple thing like that can do wonders in my opinion.

[Alsfia]

I usually mope around for a few days being grumpy and sad with intervals of total breakdown and crying, before I force myself back into routine. If I don't pick up my routines I'll stay blue and annoying, which made it extremely hard to part again for me when I didn't have any lessons the past year. I'd say allow yourself to be sad and then force yours to go back to your everyday life, with school/work, friends and family, hobbies and whatnot.

[squeeker]

It's okay and good to give yourself a few days to cry it out.. but then get back to your routine, stay busy, talk online as much as you can.. think about how you will see him again (even if you don't know when! Just think about the general time.. like the summer or next summer or whenever it is. ) Go through your pictures and videos, maybe make a little music video to share with your SO or edit a collage of your SO and you and your time together. Think about how lucky you have been to finally meet him in person and how it's now confirmed your feelings in person and that is a wonderful thing. Just stay strong, the first week or so is the hardest until you get back into a routine.

Remember, you haven't lost him, you will see him again.

[TheGoldfish]

The day he took me to the airport on my last day there, we got there early so we had time to spend with each other. But it was horrible just sitting there waiting for the time to board the plane.
I left him a note in his house. When it was finally time to go through my gate, I turned to say bye to him and he handed me a note he had written and told me to read it on the plane.
We both started crying. It was such a horrible feeling. I think almost all of us here have gone through this. I was crying waiting in the line to get through security.
But once I got on the plane I decided to pull myself together, considering there were so many peopl around me.
What I did was read that note a few times. And I decided to bring out my little journal and write him a letter on the plane, that I would later send to him.
Then I would just watch the videos we took together and look at the photos. That helped me a lot.
A simple thing like that can do wonders in my opinion.

Thanks a bunch! Yeah I'm still so upset. I'm searching with a vengeance for a way into Denmark. I'm looking at the possibility of studying and getting a permanent residency permit, so study is free. I cried the whole last day he was there. But he's so gentle with me. I couldn't go past security, so when we stopped there, I was shaking. He got tears in his eyes. We said our goodbyes and I left. I just started walking away from him and every step I took broke my heart a little more. By the time I got to my car I was having a breakdown. I wrote him a note at the hotel, which I brought back with me. I'm starting a scrapbook made up of theme park tickets, valentine's day wrappers and such. The rose I got from the waiter at our V-day restaurant along with pictures and other things. We're looking through them tonight. It's his birthday today, too. I'm so sad I couldn't be with him today... It breaks my heart.

I just wish I could get my residency visa and go live with him already. ;~;

[TheGoldfish]

It's okay and good to give yourself a few days to cry it out.. but then get back to your routine, stay busy, talk online as much as you can.. think about how you will see him again (even if you don't know when! Just think about the general time.. like the summer or next summer or whenever it is. ) Go through your pictures and videos, maybe make a little music video to share with your SO or edit a collage of your SO and you and your time together. Think about how lucky you have been to finally meet him in person and how it's now confirmed your feelings in person and that is a wonderful thing. Just stay strong, the first week or so is the hardest until you get back into a routine.

Remember, you haven't lost him, you will see him again.

Thank you. He promised, that no matter what, he would come visit me this summer. He's so sweet. He bought me an oversized teddy bear that takes up all the room on my bed, along with 3 other stuffed animals and a blanket. I'm just cuddling up with those right now. He gave me what was left in his cologne bottle, too. ;~; So I can smell him. I just miss him so much. It's kind of ironic. Prior to meeting him, our relationship was very easy. We never argued, we get along so amazingly well. Now, I can see why long distance relationships are hard... In the beginning, you don't know what you're missing, but once you do... Ouch. ;~;

[squeeker]

Thank you. He promised, that no matter what, he would come visit me this summer. He's so sweet. He bought me an oversized teddy bear that takes up all the room on my bed, along with 3 other stuffed animals and a blanket. I'm just cuddling up with those right now. He gave me what was left in his cologne bottle, too. ;~; So I can smell him. I just miss him so much. It's kind of ironic. Prior to meeting him, our relationship was very easy. We never argued, we get along so amazingly well. Now, I can see why long distance relationships are hard... In the beginning, you don't know what you're missing, but once you do... Ouch. ;~;

Yeah I totally understand.. it gets harder once you meet them and realize what you were/are missing. but hold tight! It'll only be a few months til summer!

[LDR]

Saying goodbye really is heartbreaking. I always feel the guilt of leaving him at the airport as I leave to go home. The first time I left I cried through a 1 hour flight, on and off in my next 3 hour flight and then for 6 hours in my hotel before my last 14 hour flight home. I had the best time with him and I wasn't ready to leave.

Each time I leave now I write a letter to him once im on the plane, and while my feelings are raw to get out everything I am feeling. It still takes me about a month to adjust after I get home, but getting everything out in a letter helps me to really get rid of the strong feelings I have, and gives me a chance to think about how lucky I am to had a chance to share amazing memories with him.

I'm already dreading the time I have to leave him after a 5 week visit at the end of April. Thinking of you xx

[gracee1245]

I am so bad with saying goodbyes... my mum died when I was young so I've always been awful with just saying goodbye to relatives or friends, and get upset like the day before I know they're leaving. So when I had to say goodbye to my SO it was awful. All I can tell you is from my experience, it gets better. The first time I was a wreck for a week, I mean a wreck, I couldn't eat, I woke up in the middle of the night, I even threw up! The second time, I was bad too, but not quite as bad. I cried a lot for a day or two. But the third time, it was ok. I cried the day before, and cried when we were saying goodbye. And a tiny bit after he had gone, but then it was ok. So don't worry it gets a lot more normal. In terms of practical things, LET YOURSELF BE SAD. It is a sad thing that is happening. It is completely normal to feel sad. So let yourself cry and talk to someone about it, because then it gets it out. Then i'd recommend hearing there voice as quickly as you can! Then you know they're still there, you haven't lost them and you will feel better. Then take some time for yourself. Run a hot bath, and do things for you. Think of it as a chance to do have some alone time. I watch disney movies with my friends on the sofa, or just by myself. I hope you're feeling better now. Remember you're not alone. Lots of love xxx

[differentcountries]

I like to write in my journal on the plane. Or planes, if I take the long route back home. To me, boarding any plane nationally in his country does not bother me. But as soon as we leave Turkish grounds, I start to cry. And I have not even been with him long at any point (4-5 days at the most)! Nevertheless I can easily cry on a plane for 4 hours straight (that is the flight distance between our countries). I am the same the other way around, I am not exited to go to the capital...but I get exited as soon as I board Turkish airlines. When I got home last time I did not cry much at home, but I get disturbed sleep. I feel restless from missing him, pluss the stay and the travel itself is exhausting, especially when you go/leave early in the morning or late at night. Last time I travelled I was home at 9 in the evening and then started a new job 9 the next morning! It was crazy... But actually it made me think staying intensly busy can be a blessing, because I almost have not had time to miss him, since my days have been fully booked. He coped with things by going back to his family, I don't think he wanted to stay in the house that reminded him of me.

[Suuz]

My boyfriend left this morning, and its never getting easier. You just learn how to deal with it better. For me it helps to keep myself busy. Reading books or something like that. In the beginning of our relationship i was a wreck for the first few weeks until i got back into my routine, but lately its just a few days. Once i start working again, im doing better. Distract yourself from the sad feeling and start to make plans for your next visit!

[Thendsnotnear]

It is really hard. I try to plan the next visit as soon as possible and think that one day, hopefully soon, we won't have to part again.

[Jaac]

I hate leaving him and going back home!!
I always feel so empty knowing we won't see each other for a couple of months again (I'm always that girl crying at the gate... and in the plane)
When I came back from my visit in August, I felt broken and depressed for almost 2 months.
This time I'm not gonna let that happen again because it that won't make anybody happy.
I'm going to allow myself a week of sadness en crying, and after that I'm going to make real efforts to be happy again and smile.

Time goes by faster when you keep yourself busy with things you like to do (I like to draw because I get so sucked in to the drawing, that I forget everything else around me. Including my sadness), than when you sit down and cry (really!!)

So my advice is: allow yourself to cry whenever you need to for a week. But after that you really gonna have to try to make time pass faster.
Watch funny series (I recommend FRIENDS that makes you smile a bit. Or watch funny videos on Youtube. If you've smiled for a bit it will really make you feel better!!