Webcam, is it mandatory ?

[François]

Hello everyone,

I am in a LDR for 2 month. We talk every days on whatapps, sending text, audio messages and pictures.
I asked her 1 month ago for a webcam talking on skype or other. She told me than she don't see the interest. After a second conversation some days later, she finally told me than she will buy a webcam for me and try.
Since that day, nothing moved on this topic. I am really frustrated cause i want talk with her in live, see her way to move, ... but I won't obligate her or feel her unconformable.

Do you think I must insist, wait and see what happens or just forget ?

Thanks
François

[TooFarAway]

Well, I think webcam is very mandatory xD
The reason why people get catfished because people don't know how to use em -_-

[OperaDiva]

If you are a seeing person then a lot of the information that you receive from the world and from the people around you is visual, so it is very normal to want to see the person you are talking to and establishing a relationship with. It is natural to feel shy about using a webcam though, and a lot of people are awkward and nervous at first. Asking her about it is not pushy.
And I agree with toofaraway, if she refuses to talk to you in person it is not a good sign, it might be a scam.

[François]

Thanks to your advises
It is true that the idea of a scam has crossed my mind. But the hundred photos and recordings of her voice she sent me added to the fact that we talk together on twitter for two years, made me dismiss this idea.
Moreover, according to their own words, she earns a good salary, which is not my case. In fact she would rather be wary XD.
But it is true that I do not know what to think about that.

[imabrokendoll]

I am a really really shy person and lack self-confidence a lot, so naturally a webcam wouldn't be ideal for me....and yet, when it came to my SO, I was the one to introduce the idea! There's just something about being able to look at a person, you can understand so much more about them....and you also feel a lot closer, I think. So I put my shyness aside and decided I really really wanted to have this one more way of connecting with my love. If you feel like you do too, then try talking to your SO again. Listen to their reasons maybe, keep your mind open about the fact that they might just need a little more time to adjust to the idea, etc.

[Blaine]

Well, I think webcam is very mandatory xD
The reason why people get catfished because people don't know how to use em -_-

I completely disagree. I have known my SO for over two years and we have never done webcam. He doesn't have one (I have a built in one) but the last time I used it was over a year ago. I only did webcam occasionally when I lived far away from home because my parents bugged me to. I'm not super shy and my SO knows what I look like but I still hate using webcam; just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

[lyonsgirl]

It is for us. We're not LD anymore, but we're LD with our families and FaceTime/video chats are the best.

[squeeker]

Yes I think a webcam is almost essential for a long distance relationship. I do understand that people are shy about it because I know I was when my boyfriend first suggested it. I never really used my webcam on my laptop before and didn't have Skype installed until after he mentioned it. But the first few times, I was so shy and hardly said anything.. though eventually with his humour and acceptance of me.. I slowly warmed up..

I think that it's really really helpful to use webcam before meeting for the first time, because you can be extra sure they are who they say they are because it is harder to fake than recording audio or video which have more chance of being faked. But if you believe she is a good person, just take things slow until she is comfortable to use webcam. And keep asking her.. because I know at the beginning I didn't want to be the one to suggest it so I waited for my SO to bring it up again.. so if she is shy.. keep gently asking her. I think seeing and talking to someone on Webcam is the next best thing to being in person and helps you get comfortable with a person before meeting up.

In my opinion you shouldn't meet up with someone until you have webcammed at least a bit.. but it's okay if it takes a bit of time to get comfortable with it. But if she isn't showing interest after half a year to a year, I would start to get suspicious that she might have something to hide. She might not, but be wary until you see her on webcam I think. Because that's how a lot of people get 'catfished' because they didn't see each other or talk to each other on webcam.

[François]

Thanks all, i read your replies and advises with interest.
She told me than she never used and she hav'nt webcam befor, so its possible than she is shy with that. I use it every weeks for work so its natural for me, but speaking english is'nt (she called me on phone one time, and it was hard to her to understand what i said ).
I think it's a nicer way to chat than whatapps when we are quiet, so I will wait for a good moment to talk her about it again.

Seem very different opinions on this topic so do not hesitate to tell us what you think

[CanadianGirl]

My SO didn't have a webcam when we met online, but he went out and bought a fairly cheap one sometime within the first month. We were just talking at that point, and not dating yet. I would never have agreed to meet him without talking on cam first.

I think you have the right idea and should bring it up again at the right time.

[eeelaynuh]

i think a webcam is super important! its better than talking on the phone! my SO and i prefer facetime, because its our own personal lifeline to seeing each other.

[Photonut]

My SO and I only webcammed in the beginning to make sure we both were who we said we were xD we're both REALLY shy and his internet was shakey so we didn't do it very often at all (and now we've closed the distance). So, no I don't think its mandatory.

[ChibiFelicia]

I met my SO without having webcammed with him. We sent each other one photo before he flew all the way to meet me, literally the night before his flight. I don't really think its a good idea, kinda need to know its who they say they are. We've been LD for nearly 5 years. He's never web cammed me lol I go on webcam when we talk on skype, it used to get frustrating but i'm used to it now. I always web cam my family and friends

[Blaine]

If you don't trust the other person or you have a thread of a doubt that they may not be who they say they are then by all means, encourage the use of webcam. Just know that talking on webcam doesn't necessarily equate to a 100% surefire way of knowing if the person is who they say they are. On an online game I used to play, there was a guy who had pretended to be a girl for years. He used his wife to talk on voice chats for him and web cam with all of his friends. Supposedly, he did it for free items/loot in the game by flirting with other guys when behind the screen. Always practice caution on the internet, but again, webcam doesn't equal 100% truth all the time.

[François]

Blaine i am ok with you, webcam is not 100% reliable but i think it is the best way we have without meeting.
Personnaly, I have no doubts about my gf sincerity but i think, webcamming is a way to feel closer of the personne than you love and to know more about her. Photos are nice but they are not natural, she click them herself, on webcam attitude is more relaxed so you can capture expressions, gestures and foibles of the other.