How to Cheer Them Up When They're Feeling Down About Distance

[DC2London]

Hey All!

Second posting! So I had a long talk with my SO about our future plans, me going over there and stuff, even though it'll be another 1.5 years. At first I was upset but now I have accepted things and I thought we were moving in a good direction, but lately he's been so down. He says he has lost his confidence in himself and is just really feeling the distance. We almost had a falling out a few weeks back, flip flopping about ending it but we are trying now solidly.

Our convos have been roller-coastering from happy to slow (sad). It seems it's hard for him to talk to me but then also hard to end a convo. I'll try to be happy and tell him about my day and he seems distant with short answers, and when I suggest maybe taking a break from messaging for a little (couple hours to clear the air), he says he wants to keep talking . I've found cheering someone up from a distance is one of the hardest things to do. It's impossible to give a hug or a kiss, which always helps when we are together.

Has anyone else had this problem? Or felt like this themselves? What helped during these times? Am I trying to hold something together that is falling apart?

Thanks

[differentcountries]

My SO has been down over the distance a lot, it is really hard on him. What I generally try to do (apart from sending him e-mails/letters & gifts in the mail or actually visiting), is creating a space that feels very intimate even though we are apart. At the best of times, that includes a bit of silly fantasy (I am inventing an instant transport machine...that will be ready soon), a bit of imagined cuddling (like me stroking his hair, or us spooning), a bit of joking (especially our own humour helps, and we are inventing our own jargon that does not make sense to anyone else), talking in ways that show that we know each other (like I know what kind of music he likes), talking about our shared hobbies (we like to cook) and sexual stuff. The times we were able to, and in the mood for, hours upon hours of Skyping, have been really good. Also, I really like emicons and when I get a big kiss or a small on Viber, I do get some of the response I would have gotten if he had actually kissed me. Sometimes I find that beeing cheerful to cheer him up does not really work... Becacuse then he does not feel understood. It is actually better to got into a darker place myself, and say: this is shitty. This is how it is now. Or: what can be done about it? Sometimes we are too tired or low to talk, but I find two days is the max any of us can stand to not Skype or at least call. Also, he has to take responsability for himself, it is his life and he should do what he can, too. I have said things like that to him, in a nice way. Sometimes too I bring up stuff that bothers me, he is not so good at that (he hints...and by now I actually get most his hints). Often these things have been on his mind, too, and it eases the tention.

We have no idea when we will be able to close the distance (if ever). In the beginning it was hard for me to accept, now I just take time in chunks, like I planned the next half year in terms of visits, and possably him visiting at the end of the year. Everything after that we take as it comes.

[standingoutsidethefire]

The distance seems to get to me more than it does him. And if it does get to him, he really doesn't say much about it. And I'm not so sure it's just the distance, but rather the waiting and the wondering if this will actually work out the way we want it to. I've found that keeping busy and having a life outside of your LDR helps. Having open, honest conversations about your feelings are important too. As much as I hate complaining and letting him know my fears/doubts/ect, he's the only one who knows what this is like, he can relate.

[kittyxuchiha11]

I'm not really sure if i have advice on this topic that will help you exactly but both me and my SO get incredibly down about the distance. Since my so is 5 hours behind me she often has these hard times when i'm asleep and i feel really terrible waking up to see she was upset through the night, so i like to do a few things to cheer her up. Id say the number one thing to try is just letting yourselves get excited about when you're next going to meet. talk about things you could do and all the lovely cuddles and kisses you're going to share. of course if that doesn't work you can try something that is more likely to help them more than you. i like to leave my so a little video on youtube just saying hi and how much i love her. it's a really simple thing to do but it can really cheer both of you up. there are a million other things which you can do like distracting each other with a game you can play together or anything else which serves as a distraction really. basically, sure distance is incredibly hard but there are a few things you can do to try cheer them and yourself up :3