Advice about being in a long distance relationship

[vicks5724]

Hey Guys, I have never been in a long distance relationship before, I know for certain I can do it and I have met a wonderful guy through a dating site who lives in Minnesota, USA. I have already booked a flight to come visit him for 2 months in April. I am super excited to meet him in person for the first time, we Skype, and whatsapp each other everyday and we really do love each other, we are both certain we are meant to be together. My question is how to cope with missing him after I come back to England after the 2 months visit? As from what I have been reading on here, waiting months for the next visit to see each other is very hard. I know though that we have a strong relationship and moving there one day won't be difficult and I can come again more times.
Also I will be meeting his family for the first time when I come, I am nervous about impressing them. My SO has already spoken to them and they are excited to meet me and get to know. How has it been for you guys meeting your SO parents and family???

[80anthea]

You've only been together a couple of weeks, I'd calm down a little and take each day at a time. Enjoy the advantages of good communication and really getting to know one another first.

[differentcountries]

The best advice I can give is trying to enjoy the momet whatever that entails. If you miss him after going back, try to use that energy into something that brings you forward. Write in your journal or write him letters, stay busy with job, study and friends, be crafty if you feel like it. and by all means ask for advice here.

Myself I am meeting my SO's family soon, when I come we will have been together 5 1/2 months so I plan for us to do a little half year celebration. I have met his family briefly over Skype; his older brother (plus his long distance girlfriend visiting), his younger brother, his aunt and his grandma. His mother I have not said hi to. Besides the house (where he is on a kind of holiday now), I will also meet other relatives, like his cousin will pick me up in the airport. I hardly speak any Turkish (and they speak little English) and I sometimes feel a bit crazy for doing this... Anyway my plan is to bring them some gifts (food from my country that is not pork), my tax free quota and something to "put on the wall". Apart from that, I will try to act nice and not show too much skin in public. Perhaps I shall try to write a letter to his mum... in Turkish, if SO can help me do that. According to SO, she likes to smoke and drink, so I guess we will do that, haha! I have really no idea... I will just take it as it comes.

I am lucky because I probably will have bought the next tickets already before going. So for the first time, when I visit we will know the exact date of when we will see each other next. I am working on a book for him to count down to it, since I will know the number of days. He likes counting down to our visits....

I know you want to plan the rest of your lives and that first month of a relationship is really sweet like that... There will probably be other times where your focus is a bit different, since closing the distance or even planning out (and financing) visits can be tricky. Also getting to know each other more can give you surprises, both good and bad. The person I love now is already a bit different than the person I fell in love with. Not worse, just different and more complex. Meeting in person is also different from online communication, they are two different vibes. The best of luck to getting to know each other more

[Alsfia]

If you're planning to stay 2 months for your first visit, I really hope you will have enough money to buy a last minute ticket home at any time. I'm not trying to be a buzz kill or anything, but 1) sometimes the chemistry in real life isn't there and 2) what if something happens back home? Food for thought.

With that said, enjoy your first meeting, and when meeting his family just be yourself. Good luck.

[vicks5724]

well I wouldn't go if I wasn't sure about him, sorry to sound annoyed but it's true. I am not dumb, I am sure of how I feel and it won't change. Thank you for your opinion but I don't agree. I already know nothing will happen back home and I am certain the chemistry is there. I didn't post this thread to have people say I am thinking to soon about how I feel. I was asking what it is like for other long distance couples.

[vicks5724]

thank you that is great advice "Different countries"

[80anthea]

Nobody is saying you're dumb or telling you not to go, just reminding you that sometimes things don't go according to plan and it's always a good idea to have a plan b.

You've been together two weeks and you're planning on staying there two months, no matter how much you are 'in love' now, that is a huge change, distance or not. It will bring out things in the relationship that you don't expect, be prepared to deal with them good or bad as unfortunately not even you can see into the future.

It's easy to get carried away in the early stages of a relationship so it's sometimes useful to just take a step back and reflect. Like I said in my first post, don't worry too much about afterwards yet, I'd concentrate on really getting to know eachother first.

[lyonsgirl]

Woah, you still have over a month before your visit, and you're already preparing for when you leave? If I were you, I would stop that part. I agree with 80anthea & Alsfia, make sure you have a backup plan. Not because it's your first visit, but because it's for 2 months. I feel like if you're traveling somewhere for any longer than about a week, you need to have a backup plan. Who will take care of your place while you are gone? Mail? Bills? Pets? Plants? I'm guessing you've already got this figured out with your job, what about his?

I'm not saying don't go. I'm saying that I think you should be focusing on what you need to be doing to get ready for the trip - not what to do once the trip is over.

ETA: Oh, I see 80anthea posted again while I was typing this up. Yep. All of what she said.

[differentcountries]

My "backup plan" is just having a working master card / travel card so that if anything happens, I know that I can
afford hotel, an earlier flight home etc. As for your mail if you stay for a bit (I hope for three weeks in summer) , you can get the post office to hold your mail or you can have it forwarded in chunks.

[Moon]

well I wouldn't go if I wasn't sure about him, sorry to sound annoyed but it's true. I am not dumb, I am sure of how I feel and it won't change. Thank you for your opinion but I don't agree. I already know nothing will happen back home and I am certain the chemistry is there. I didn't post this thread to have people say I am thinking to soon about how I feel. I was asking what it is like for other long distance couples.

LOL, this just happened this past week to someone on the forum. Don't be so snippy, Alsfia gave you good advice, you've been together two weeks for goddsakes She told you that because she's not new to LDR's, or this forum, and is experienced enough, and intelligent enough, to know that it happens, we read it here from time to time. She was trying to help you, you should be thanking her. That said, if you don't want to consider a plan B, don't. It's your choice.

[dglynn77]

well I wouldn't go if I wasn't sure about him, sorry to sound annoyed but it's true. I am not dumb, I am sure of how I feel and it won't change. Thank you for your opinion but I don't agree. I already know nothing will happen back home and I am certain the chemistry is there. I didn't post this thread to have people say I am thinking to soon about how I feel. I was asking what it is like for other long distance couples.

Honey, no one would ever go visit anyone if they weren't "sure." As everyone has said, things happen! Sometimes people aren't what they appear, and you need to be sure that if you needed a way home, you would have it quickly.
I wouldn't be annoyed at what Alsfia said, I'd be grateful. Do you really think that people who meet people on the internet and are then put in terrible situations, trafficked, or worse don't go into this with the same attitude you are?
A little common sense is nothing to be annoyed at, and if you choose not to listen to her advice, then that's ok. She genuinely cares and wants to make sure you will be ok.
She will also be here with hugs and empathy should things go wrong. She's just that nice.

Basically, she's a great person. Don't just brush her off cuz you don't like what she says. She knows what she is talking about.