Any tips in dealing with time?

[curious_gal518]

Hi everyone,

I am new here in LFAD and I will try to make my story as short aa possible.

My SO and I met here in Canada last summer. I met him at a company event because he and I were interns there (he started internship the day after I left). At that time, we were not really attracted to each other and we were busy talking to other people too. On the second company event (1 month later), he and I noticed each other which he later added me on linkedin, and me adding him on fb. Then we started talking... then we started dating... then 3 amazing months later, he flew back to the Netherlands because his internship ended.

I thought that we would go our separate ways once he's back in NL but we decided to give this amazing thing that we have a chance to grow. So we're in an LDR for 6 months now. And it feels like a whirlwind of emotions. We dont fight, we have amazing conversations together, and talk about anything and sometimes nothing.

Since it's too good to be true, sometimes I would feel scared because at any point he could cheat on me. ( I had a previous LDR that did this. it was a horrible feeling ) And on some days, everything is just bland. We are trying to close the distance but he needs to find work before he can file for a Canadian work permit. And we are both transitioning from being students to becoming professionals so we have to deal with our own stuff too.

So my question is - how do you deal with the time before closing the distance? Sometimes I want to give up but I care about him a lot to even try to do that. I see some people who were in an LDR for years and I am curious how they managed to live everyday without holding their SO physically. Maybe i'm just upset about the distance.

I hope you could give me tips or pieces of advice on how to stay strong in this LDR.

Thanks a lot for listening to my story.

[Moon]

I'm in one of those LDR's for years

For me, it's a no-brainer. I'm a bit older, and have been around the block a few times, and I realize at this point how very rare it is to find someone you're truly compatible with, and can go the distance with. Because of that, I focus on other things, and don't spend time lamenting the distance. I appreciate finding him at all Instead of focusing on only being together physically a few times a year, I just live my life, even if it's a little different from most other people. If you think about it, even people who are married don't spend as much time just talking and enjoying spending time together as we do. Yep, our conversations can be stale sometimes, and occasionally inconvenient, but we spend most of our time making each other laugh, supporting each other through tough times, pondering the world, and being absolutely stupid

You survive the distance by changing your perspective. That's how you do it. Don't worry about what your friends are telling you, or negativity from others, just live, and make your relationship your own. Enjoy yourselves, and keep the thought of distance in the back of your mind, not the front. If you can do that, you'll be OK. Oh! One more thing. If you can't trust, your LDR WILL fall apart. Anyone can cheat, LD or CD, but if you don't have trust, you might as well give up right now. You HAVE to trust him, it's the only way. Good luck!

[NavyWife]

We haven't been LDR for years but, we have been together for 7 years and then suddenly I cant hold him at night (which to me is the same thing). Some things I do to cope, and i'll even include the little silly things that apply more to just me:
1. I bought a body pillow to hold at night, its not the same but i sleep better
2. For Valentines day he mailed me 6 of his shirts, locked in freezer bags so they smell like him. I wear those to bed. I also cuddle a little Navy teddy bear with his cologne on it
3. KEEP BUSY. Job, hobby, tv show...whatever
4. Skype!
5. Remember he feels the same way you do, so find ways to cope together
6. I cry in the shower, don't judge. It makes me feel better
7. I find ways to remind him how much i love and respect him
8. We are getting married so we plan the wedding together (sometimes that makes it worse)
9. Snapchat is the best!
10. Remind him how lucky he is, yes...I mean nudes. And love notes too!
11. He is my diary, always has been. But, you can keep a journal for yourself or for him to read later on.
12. ALWAYS TELL HIM WHATS ON YOUR MIND GOOD OR BAD DO NOT LEAVE HIM WONDERING, it will help you resolve things. Trust me.

It hurts, like hell really. Until you close that distance, you'll feel that pain, that doubt...but just keep in mind why you put yourself through it all. Because you're in love. And THAT makes it worth while. I hope that my bluntness helps

[differentcountries]

I too feel so lucky just to have met him! The distance is there, but so is he...I never thought I would meet anyone like him. We have been LDR 6 months now, and it feels like we only just begun.

We were LDR almost from the start. The things that work best for me/us are:
1. Keeping busy. Work is best, in the eveings everything from work out to seeing friends to houswork to watching Netflix... It fills your time and attention, also can give a sense of accomplistment and something to tell your SO about
2. Viber... I love getting lots of silly texts from him, or as from now, photos of his daily life. I get get pics on mail too, but this is so fast...it is like: look what I see NOW. It makes me feel very close.
3. Skype. Oh man we love Skype. Skype on the computer, Skype on the phone....
4. Crafts. I always have some craft project going on. It is kind of interesting... I never made stuff for my husband, he is not romantic like that, but for my bf I do it all the time. I am just finishing the Encouragement calender (inspired by the YouTube videos that were linke to Reddit). And I just bought the Book of Us from Amazon, I suppose that will be the next project, to fill that one out. And I bake cookies! I want to make us a cookbook, too...
5. Gifts. I love buying stuff for my boyfriend, sometimes just silly stuff or food, at other times more expensive stuff.
6. Planning visits. Everything is much better when you know when the next visit will be! Either an estimate or tickets booked, either way you have something to look forward to.
7. I have no sense of smell so there is no use getting stuff from him, but I once gave him my scent in a card (I think I saw the tip on how to do it on the main page) and he LOVED it
8. Planning a future together can be wonderful or sad, it depends... in my case we are three people planning, too. But anyway we want him to come here so we talk about how he can have his visa accepted by the end of the year
9. I am scared of taking nudes... But LIVE (meaning on camera) he can see whatever he wants!
10. Love letters. Nice words to one another. Even I miss you does not become stale if you know the other person really means it
11. Choose your battles. Deal with some stuff for yourself. The bigger issues; always tell. Don't hold back on what matters. But always tell nicely...even though the occational fight can be refreshing, too.
12. Ask for details from him. With me, I find I get easily absorbed in whatever goes on in his life, that helps me to not feel the distance because I AM involved in whatever goes on over there
13. Remembering-fantasizing. There have been times I was amazed the screen was there because we felt so close talking or writing. Starting off with; Do you remember when we..... or If I was with you I would.... always work.
14. Living together only means dealing with different stuff. However, that perticular pain might go away once you close the distance. And you can make good use of your time in the meantime; looking after your career, looking after yourself, spening time with him to get to know him and the relationship better, asking questions, putting scenerios up there, preparing.