stressing out a little bit

[pizza rolls]

My SO is coming here in about a month. I'm excited, but our living situation has been a major question. I live with 3 roommates, and they're totally fine with her staying for a bit, probably just a month or two. Then they may get a little tired of it. I planned to offer to pay some of their rent so she could stay an additional month or two as well. She'll be in the country for 6 months, and we had originally planned for her to stay here for a while, then go to another city to stay/hang out with some other friends. Everything seemed awesome, but apparently there was some type of miscommunication, because she thought she would be living with me for all 6 months, maybe visiting her friends for a week or so. Now...I'm also looking to purchase a house as well, but the market is just getting better here, so things are getting expensive and I'm not counting on that. IF it happens it would be fine obviously. But if not...she may have to go to stay with her friends for longer, which she does not want. So then the only option would be to get an apartment to live in. First, that would hose my roommates because we would have to find someone to take my room, which would be hard. Then, probably I would have to sign a year lease on the apartment, pay a lot more rent than I am now for the whole year, which pretty much puts the house thing up in flames. I REALLY want to get a house though, the market is getting better so I know it will be a good idea in the future, and my parents like it too. They're also the ones that suggested I help cover my roommates rent so she can stay longer. Basically, I've always had a problem with following heart, and I am always analyzing things logically. Not to mention...after those 6 months (no matter the situation), what do we do? I don't want to get married yet, we haven't even known each other for a year yet....

[squeeker]

I guess you have to talk to your roommates. Try and come up with a plan.. would you be willing to pay a bit extra for all 6 months and would they be okay if she stayed then? I'd be concerned if you tend to hang out a lot with these roommates that they might see her as 'stealing' their friend.. which is completely selfish and immature but some people seem to be like that especially if they don't have partners yet/at the moment. (I don't know if from my experience, I have just heard other stories) Or would you be able to split up the 6 months so she could come for 3 months at a time or something more acceptable to your roommates.

Don't just get an apartment if you are going to regret it.. either try and buy a house sooner or maybe rent a smaller apartment that maybe will allow you to still save.. sounds like you have a decent job if you are looking to buy a house. I would not suggest getting when you aren't ready, definitely good you aren't going to do that. I think maybe you should write out your options and talk them out with your partner and then with the roommates or anyone else who needs to have input. I don't have any other advice for you, sorry! Good luck! I hope you have a good time together!

[differentcountries]

Just have a chat with them about it. It is perfectly reasonable that she/you should pay for her staying with them, even if it is in your bedroom, because she will use water and electricity, there will be one more quing up for the bathroom and the kitchen and so on. She will have to take her share in cleaning the house, it is fair that you clean as two people, not just one.

How will she be able to stay as much as 6 months? Will she study there? How will she afford living expenses?

If you don't stay in the flat all 6 months, it is probably better to stay through Airbnb or a hotel appartment, rather then go through the hassle and commitment of getting a lease, especially if you are thinking of buying a house this year anyway.

[snow]

What kind of visa is your SO coming on to be with you? She will need some kind of visa to stay with you and I think the visitor visa (B1 if I am right, but I could be totally wrong!!) is the one she'd have to file for if she wanted to stay with you for 6 months.

So after those 6 months she will have to leave the country unless she can apply to stay for a longer time, but she can't just stay as long as she wants to. Especially in the US the visas and overstaying on them are a very serious thing. Even if you decide to get married, if it is not on a K-1 (Fiancé/e Visa), she will have to leave the country after her visa runs out. Only on the K-1 you can arrive, get married and then apply to have your status adjusted which lets you stay for an indefinite time. This is something you two have to know and read about - check out www.visajourney.com !

Now when it comes to where she would be staying while she is with you. Honestly I think if you pay for your room, your own food and pay the expenses like you usually do and would cover the extra expenses caused by your SO I don't see why there should be a problem. Then again I never had roommates and have only lived with my family so I don't really understand the dynamics in a place like that, but my man did exactly this when I stayed with him for 3 months on the Visa Waiver Program (read up on that aswell, as it lets you stay in America for up to 90 days without applying for a visa, if the european country your SO is from participates in it). And since I wasn't able to work I took care of housework, like washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom, dusting and vacuuming.

But if your roommates don't want your SO to stay for that long, you can't force it on them as they have the same rights you do. You will have to find a way to either shorten the stay or see if your SO can stay with other people. I wouldn't invest money in an apartment when you are actually looking for a house - this would, like you said, only cause you to pay more rent and it would be very inconvenient since your SO will have to leave the country at some point.

My advice is to read into visas and have a talk with your SO and your roommates to figure out what works the best. Ask your SO if she can maybe offer to do some of the housework or help otherwise and see if this changes your roommates' opinion.

[pizza rolls]

I did talk to my roommates about the one or two months and they're fine with that. I plan on talking to them about the full 6 months, but I'm a bit skeptical how they'll receive that. I do have a decent job, which is the other thing...she doesn't work or go to school (already has a degree though), so she feels like she's the one making ALL the sacrifices to come here. Which she is...but she has said she doesn't want to be where she is right now anyway. I really want her to come here so I can show her how beautiful everything is here (mountains, rivers, blah blah), but I'm afraid it's not her type of lifestyle. Airbnb is a pretty good idea, thanks! I'll look in to it. We're in a really rough patch now about how we could even figure out this coming 6 months...if it even happens now. It's just such a complicated situation...maybe I'll type the whole thing out on here but I don't think anyone wants to read that much


Oh and it's a 6 month tourist visa

[ethelynn]

If I may ask, why did you choose to have the trip a full 6 months if it's not sure yet if she even likes it there and she doesn't even know if it fits her lifestyle, why not a shorter trial first? Have you guys met in person before?

[differentcountries]

None of you are making sacrifices. You are doing what it takes to be together, no more no less. Since your gf does not know what she wants to do with her life, maybe she could use that time to, apart from being your housewife or chilling when you are at work, look into how she can learn something or contribute in some ways. If she does volentary work she can put that on her CV.

[CynicalQuixotic]

How can you afford to buy a house if you're still living with roommates?

[snow]

How can you afford to buy a house if you're still living with roommates?

He can probably affort to buy a house, because he is still living with roommates. This means he has to pay less for rent as it is devided by 4 and leaves much more room to save money!

To the OP:
Even if she comes on a visitor visa for 6 months, she will have to leave the country afterwards and proposing or getting married is not going to let her stay indefinitely on this kind of visa.
If you want to propose to her and get engaged, then by all means go for it, but I don't think it is necessary after half a year or even a year! You do it when you are ready for this commitment and you said yourself that you are not! I would honestly take the time and get to know your SO better! 6 months is a really long time and spending these months in the same room every single day is going to show you things about your SO that you have never even known before, so I would atleast wait and see how I'd feel after this visit.

I know that your SO feels like she is making all the big sacrifices and let's be honest: she does. She leaves her country, her family and friends behind to be with you, but that doesn't mean she should make you feel guilty over this. It is really her decision if she wants to do this or not. In international relationships one or even both of you will have to make these sacrifices to be with the other.

After those 6 months she should try to find a job and save up all she can so you can have a future together, moving to another country isnot cheap and she will have to help out!

[Hollandia]

Have you looked into a temporary sublet for her for a few months? What city are you in? You could also look at short term least for a house or apartment to rent.

https://www.usimmigrationsupport.org...rist-visa.html

I think you are fine as long as she is coming under a B-2 and not the Visa Waiver program, but she is not allowed to work on one. If she chose the Visa Waiver she loses the option to change her status at the end of her 6 months and would have to leave.

[CynicalQuixotic]

He can probably affort to buy a house, because he is still living with roommates. This means he has to pay less for rent as it is devided by 4 and leaves much more room to save money!

Well, yeah, but I asked because usually people who can afford not to don't live with roommates. It's possible that what you mentioned is what he's doing, but there are very few places in the US where the average 26-year-old could conceivably earn enough to even think about buying a house.

[silvermoonfairy3]

but there are very few places in the US where the average 26-year-old could conceivably earn enough to even think about buying a house.

Not true at all.. I live in the Northeast, which is one of the more expensive areas in the country, and many times, renting is pretty comparable to a mortgage. The X factor is usually the downpayment and if a 20-something has had time to save one up.
The other aspect is what the person might have for student loans or other expenses.. but yeah.

I know several people that have bought houses before they were 30, and there are places where houses are even cheaper than they are around here. A friend of mine in North Carolina went from college to living with a roommate to buying a house at 25, and she has a pretty standard administrative assistant job.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Not true at all.. I live in the Northeast, which is one of the more expensive areas in the country, and many times, renting is pretty comparable to a mortgage. The X factor is usually the downpayment and if a 20-something has had time to save one up.
The other aspect is what the person might have for student loans or other expenses.. but yeah.

I know several people that have bought houses before they were 30, and there are places where houses are even cheaper than they are around here. A friend of mine in North Carolina went from college to living with a roommate to buying a house at 25, and she has a pretty standard administrative assistant job.

The Northeast is big. There's a huge difference in property costs even intrastate: for example, I grew up in a suburb of New York where the average house price is 1.3 million. Drive two or three hours north and it's half that, maybe less. This is why I said "very few places" and not "nowhere", and why I'm curious as to where in the US OP lives. I never said it was impossible, just that most people who live with roommates do so because it's prohibitively expensive not to.

[Hollandia]

I don't know how many of you have bought houses but there are other requirements you have to meet too, depending on where the house is going to be and what type of mortgage you are going for. The OP might just be stating in a general that he would like to buy a house before market changes again and so wants to be able to continue to save his spare money towards that goal.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Another question that hasn't been broached yet, but seems important to me...how will you two have enough privacy with room mates in the house? It sort of reminds me of the movie, Going the Distance. Seriously, there will be times you will wish the other guys would leave, and they of course won't want to, because, after all, they live there, too.
Maybe it would be good to rent a studio apartment, or inexpensive one-bedroom apartment or house, on a month to month basis. Some places don't require a lease.