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    Is it the end?

    Hello everyone,

    I am in longdistance relationship since 2 years. We met as students in student dorm. He was exchange student, and was suppose to come and live with me as soon as his University ended (in 6 more months). Sadly he had some problems with the University which made him stay in his country for additional year. I visited him, we spend Christmas together with his family. We agreed that distance was rough so I took one semester off from my studies and moved to South America to be with him for almost 6 months, afterwards I made it possible for him to come back for me and spend additional 2 months together in Europe. He left just 3 weeks ago and it was said he is suppose to come and live with me here in July. Now under another circumstances caused by his university we are forced to be away from eachother until beginning of 2015. I offered him the possibility to come to Europe and take his bachelor degree over here, even help him pay for the bigger part of tuition fee. Sadly he doesn't want to come, cause he thinks since he started his university there, he should end it there, no matter the fact that its gonna keep us away for almost a year without seeing eachother.

    Right now I feel at the crossroad. I've waited for him for so much, I moved to another contintent and postponed my own career just to be with him. And when he was still here he promised he would do everything for us to be together as soon as possible. He never denied coming here and taking his degree here. Now today I found it he will not come here, even if he is given the opportunity. I love him soooo much, and we've worked so much for the past years to be together, even with all of the obstacles along the way. But at this point I don't know what to do. The longer we are away the harder it gets. We've just spend 8 months of living together and to face a year away, while being alone doesn't feel optimal. He is so focused on his studies, we rarely have time to just sit on Skype or talk together. The only possiblity he sees for us to be together sooner is if I postpone my own career for another semester and move to be with him in South America. I am at the crossroad. I see that despite what he use to say, he won't come to finish the degree here (he won't be postponing his graduation, no matter where he takes it, he will graduate same time). Postponing my own career just after I started study again and all the costs of going over and living in South America are beyond my limit. At the same time I know if we stay away without seeing eachother until beginning of this year, then this relationship will suffer and it might not survive it this time.

    Does anybody has any advices? Any experience from situations like that?

    #2
    Hmm.. well maybe he would feel bad having to take your money to study in Europe. Though I think you should push on with the LDR even if you have to be apart 1 year. It will be hard, and having that 8 months of living together can make it feel harder because you know more of what you are missing, but it could also make you stronger, because of the same reason - you know what you are missing - and you don't want to let go of it. I think it would be hypocritical of him to expect you to move when it seems to be easier for him to move, but this is something between you two, and there might be other factors.. If it's just that he is scared.. then you can work on that, take things as slow as he needs to.. if he would feel more comfortable finishing his degree in his own country then maybe after he can move over to Europe. Or maybe something will open up with your job where it will be a good opportunity for you to move to him. Both of you should be ideally willing to move, though sometimes there are other factors we can't control. Extreme anxiety about flying or moving can be one, and you will have to work with it. Don't rush into anything or make him do anything he doesn't want to do, and he also shouldn't make you do anything you don't want to do. I don't really have any other advice. I hope you can come to a decision that is good for both of you. Don't be afraid of waiting, stay connected when you are apart and you will make it through!

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      #3
      Yes, my advice is to both get your schooling completed in your respective countries, then you can worry about closing the distance. A year is nothing, a single year goes by very quickly, and both of your priorities should be focused on finishing your education first. The relationship might work out and it might not, but the education you'll have forever. Why do you think you need to keep postponing yours, when if you just stick to it, and stay busy, the year will be over before you know it? I've been LD for 5 years, it hasn't KILLED me yet, and it won't kill you, either. Just stay strong, do what you have to do, then go from there, even if it seems hard.
      Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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        #4
        I agree, both of you stay at your Universities and finish your education, then work on closing the distance. There are ways to keep your LDR strong, and keep both of you happy. LOVE will find a way!

        It's almost 4 years for us, and we haven't even met yet. But we aren't putting a time limit on our relationship. We just take it a day at a time. That's all we can do.


        TWO HEARTS BEATING AS ONE, LOVE BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN...

        Nothing Can Keep Us Apart, Safe In Each Other's Heart

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          #5
          I agree that you both should focus on getting through with school where you are. Depending on your programs, building relationships with profs and getting references can be huge for landing your first job or going on to graduate school. Also, this bit:
          I've waited for him for so much, I moved to another contintent and postponed my own career just to be with him. And when he was still here he promised he would do everything for us to be together as soon as possible.
          It almost sounds (and I could definitely be wrong) as if you could harbour a little resentment about choosing him over school, which just doesn't sound healthy. My SO graduated a couple years ago, and I'm graduating at the end of the summer. We've both got plans to pursue graduate school. I love him with all my heart, and I'm happiest with him, but it would honestly be stupid for me to put my relationship before school. The wait is hard, but you should see this as investing in your future together.

          It's a freaking year! This will sound harsh, but I'm saying it so maybe you'll snap out of it. If one year to set yourselves up for the REST OF YOUR LIVES is too much, you may as well quit now. Get the paperwork lined up to move together as soon as you're done school, mark it on the calendar and look forward to it!
          Last edited by CanadianGirl; March 24, 2014, 08:01 PM.

          Married: June 9th, 2015

          Comment


            #6
            I think you are a little too focused on the promises part. What are his arguments? Do they make sense? You both need to finish school. If you can manage to build up some patience, you can do this.
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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              #7
              I also met my bf when he was an exchange student here at my university!

              I think stopping school or taking break might not be the right move for now!

              What we did: I applied for an exchange semester in his uni (his city) and spent a year with him in Mexico. After that, we both knew we couldn't close the distance before one of us finishes. So my bf finished 2 semester after I left, that meant long distance for us for this whole year with a one-month-visit in between.

              Now he is here with me doing his Master's degree!

              One year is nothing, and it can work if you both work on it!

              I'm not sure if it would be smart for him to transfer universities and how the credit stuff works, I don't think he'll be able to transfer a lot of credits (classes) to your university! A master's degree in your country would be the better option for you two, and it would be less than 1 year away from now (I would guess).

              Think about it and good luck with everything!


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