Hi there LFAD'ers..
Before I get to the main topic, I wanted to share my gratitude to the creators of this website and those who frequent here. As you can see from my post count, I've never had much of a presence on this forum..more of a lurker. I consider this a place of inspiration and hope that relationships can still be strong and survive no matter how far apart we are from our SO's. I've had my moments when I found it difficult to cope with the distance, but returning here always seemed to help me in some way. I realized that I wasn't alone in my situation, and that there were others out there that were feeling just as I was. Anyway..
It's been about two years now since I met my bf online. This is my first relationship, and his first serious. Up until recently, we've been doing pretty well. Occasionally we'd run into a rough spot but could work through it with some talking. However, over the past few months there has been more and more rough spots. During these times, we usually go a couple days without talking at all, and eventually one of us would reach out to the other (pretty even between him and I). I think that now, we are almost having more days where we don't talk than when we do.
It's not always because of something I personally did; he has some health issues and there are nights that he suffers from insomnia. When that happens, he says he isn't really in the mood to talk and would prefer to 'catch up on rest'. Or if he's had a rough day at work, usually I won't see him him online that day. The last two weeks has been for a totally different reason.
We send each other 'good morning' messages most days, I always have to go first since he's 6 hours ahead. So last week I sent him the usual good morning message, and when I woke up I had received nothing from him. It was disappointing, and made me wonder what was going on. I couldn't recall doing anything that would upset him the day before. Then when it came time to meet him online, he didn't show. I thought maybe he was in a bad mood or something, so I waited to give him the chance to tell me before I send something else. Days go by and I'm getting worried. We used to see each other at least 4-5 times a week. Finally I catch him online and ask him what was going on. Apparently it WAS because of me. He noticed that I was online late a few times during the week (after he goes to sleep). I was playing a game and he could see that. He said it makes him uncomfortable and difficult to sleep. I would maybe understand if I was actually playing the game with someone else since we play it together mostly, but I was not...and he also could see that by checking the games website. I should mention that we do get competitive with each other over games sometimes (that's how we met). It seems he would be okay if I play as long as I am offline, but then my scores might not update. Anywho, I was really angry that this was his reason for not talking to me for days. I told him that he was coming off as being controlling. We talked for a few hours and I thought we had it worked out. He bought me a giftcard over the weekend, which I didn't feel totally comfortable accepting, but things seemed good again. I played online late again yesterday, and he is not online today.
Another big issue is that we still haven't met yet. We have told our parents about each other (though he hasn't told his best friend which bothers me a bit), and he insists that he should be the first one to visit. I am still living with my Mom and we moved last year. I didn't think it was a good time for him to visit since our house was on 'show mode' for the longest time while we were doing open houses/showings. He has his own flat, so I feel like we could have met a long time ago if I visited first. His boss makes the employees plan their vacation early in the year, and he just told his boss about getting time off in June so that he can fly here to visit me. He asked me where he would stay when he visits, so I got the courage to ask my Mom if he could stay at our house since the plane ticket is expensive enough. She was hesitant but said yes, I told him, and now he is saying he might prefer a hotel instead.
I guess this is long enough, I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. Things keep getting worse it seems and I'm feeling almost close to giving up. I need some words of wisdom from you folks out there..
Before I get to the main topic, I wanted to share my gratitude to the creators of this website and those who frequent here. As you can see from my post count, I've never had much of a presence on this forum..more of a lurker. I consider this a place of inspiration and hope that relationships can still be strong and survive no matter how far apart we are from our SO's. I've had my moments when I found it difficult to cope with the distance, but returning here always seemed to help me in some way. I realized that I wasn't alone in my situation, and that there were others out there that were feeling just as I was. Anyway..
It's been about two years now since I met my bf online. This is my first relationship, and his first serious. Up until recently, we've been doing pretty well. Occasionally we'd run into a rough spot but could work through it with some talking. However, over the past few months there has been more and more rough spots. During these times, we usually go a couple days without talking at all, and eventually one of us would reach out to the other (pretty even between him and I). I think that now, we are almost having more days where we don't talk than when we do.
It's not always because of something I personally did; he has some health issues and there are nights that he suffers from insomnia. When that happens, he says he isn't really in the mood to talk and would prefer to 'catch up on rest'. Or if he's had a rough day at work, usually I won't see him him online that day. The last two weeks has been for a totally different reason. We send each other 'good morning' messages most days, I always have to go first since he's 6 hours ahead. So last week I sent him the usual good morning message, and when I woke up I had received nothing from him. It was disappointing, and made me wonder what was going on. I couldn't recall doing anything that would upset him the day before. Then when it came time to meet him online, he didn't show. I thought maybe he was in a bad mood or something, so I waited to give him the chance to tell me before I send something else. Days go by and I'm getting worried. We used to see each other at least 4-5 times a week. Finally I catch him online and ask him what was going on. Apparently it WAS because of me. He noticed that I was online late a few times during the week (after he goes to sleep). I was playing a game and he could see that. He said it makes him uncomfortable and difficult to sleep. I would maybe understand if I was actually playing the game with someone else since we play it together mostly, but I was not...and he also could see that by checking the games website. I should mention that we do get competitive with each other over games sometimes (that's how we met). It seems he would be okay if I play as long as I am offline, but then my scores might not update. Anywho, I was really angry that this was his reason for not talking to me for days. I told him that he was coming off as being controlling. We talked for a few hours and I thought we had it worked out. He bought me a giftcard over the weekend, which I didn't feel totally comfortable accepting, but things seemed good again. I played online late again yesterday, and he is not online today.
Another big issue is that we still haven't met yet. We have told our parents about each other (though he hasn't told his best friend which bothers me a bit), and he insists that he should be the first one to visit. I am still living with my Mom and we moved last year. I didn't think it was a good time for him to visit since our house was on 'show mode' for the longest time while we were doing open houses/showings. He has his own flat, so I feel like we could have met a long time ago if I visited first. His boss makes the employees plan their vacation early in the year, and he just told his boss about getting time off in June so that he can fly here to visit me. He asked me where he would stay when he visits, so I got the courage to ask my Mom if he could stay at our house since the plane ticket is expensive enough. She was hesitant but said yes, I told him, and now he is saying he might prefer a hotel instead.
I guess this is long enough, I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. Things keep getting worse it seems and I'm feeling almost close to giving up. I need some words of wisdom from you folks out there..
I was just a bit confused because it seemed to me before that he was totally okay with staying at my house since there is extra room, and that was part of the waiting. Perhaps now that our chance to meet is drawing closer, he is thinking differently or more similar to you. He is nervous to meet me and my family of course, but also because he has never traveled alone before.
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