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    #1

    really struggling

    I know the sadness that comes from being in a LDR very well. Every so often I've experienced it, but have always found a way to shake myself out of that mood. But lately, the past few weeks, I find myself not being able to cope with it very well. My SO knows this is hard for me, he knows I get sad, but he doesn't know what I've been going through lately. What use to be occasional sadness has become an everyday thing. I find myself sad from when I wake up in the morning, and the mood stays with me on and off through out the day. I often cry on the way into work, sometimes even at work, and at home at night when I'm feeling especially lonely. I'm usually in bed by 7/8pm, I'm sleeping a lot more than I use, because sleeping means I don't have to think...and it means that tomorrow will come a little quicker, and that maybe will be one day closer to being able to see each other. I'm just really depressed about the situation we find ourselves in.

    I often wonder if I am strong enough to keep doing this to myself. Because now it just feels like torture. I want him to be here for me, I want that physical connection, I want something normal. Is that selfish of me? Why can't I just be perfectly content with having him where he is? I have this amazing guy who loves me! And I feel really bad for thinking....this isn't enough for me, I need more.

    I hate this
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    #2
    LDRs are hard, but that level of sadness (and especially with the extra sleep)... is it possible you're suffering from depression? Not like, the casual word people sometimes say they're so depressed, but the actual medical condition?

    Would it be possible to check in with a doctor?

    I think that should be your first step, because depression is a real and serious thing, but it can also be reversed or managed with professional help. It's not something that can always be 'snapped out of' on your own, and is nothing to be ashamed about, or feel like it's your fault.

    Now, if you really don't think it's depression, it's possible that you just can't take an LDR. There's also no shame in that. It's freaking difficult, and sucks. But, if that's the case, I think you need to have a serious conversation with your SO, and see if there's any sort of end in sight, or think about whether or not breaking up is the right choice.
    Actually, in EITHER case I suggest a serious chat with your SO, because he should know about the extent of your sadness, and if you do go to the doc, it'd be good to share that with him (and get his support) if you feel comfortable doing so.

    Good luck!

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      #3
      Other than sleeping and going to work, what are you doing to keep yourself happy? That's an awfully early bedtime. Do you go to work super early, or are you going to bed so early to escape? From what you wrote, it sounds like you are going to bed early to escape. That sounds like depression. You need to get some counseling, and maybe some medication. Meditation helps too.

      Do you have any hobbies and interests to keep you busy, any fitness goals, books you want to read, movies you want to see, plans with friends and family, or just some ME time, for pampering yourself? Of course, if you are going to bed so early, you are cutting into time for any kind of FUN.

      Are you in regular contact with your SO? Chatting often, Skyping occasionally? You do need some kind of regular contact. And you need to let him know how you are feeling, if you don't have much contact. But you can't expect him to give more time and attention than he is able to give you. You need to fill in the gaps yourself.

      An LDR isn't always easy, but there isn't much choice if you love someone far away, and want to stay with him. I've been doing it for 4 years, and we haven't even met in person. But what else can we do, when we love each other? Breaking up is not an option.


      TWO HEARTS BEATING AS ONE, LOVE BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN...

      Nothing Can Keep Us Apart, Safe In Each Other's Heart

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        #4
        It sounds like you are having a depressive reaction to the LDR. Try to find something fun to do, like really treat yourself. For me, hot chocolate really works. Also, watching movies. And yoga classes or hiking. Try some natural remedies, if they dont lift your spirits, talk to your doctor about it. Do something now!
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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          #5
          Maybe you can find some calm in meditation or yoga or things like that.
          an LDR is hard and it stays hard, happy and sad times come and go really.
          Maybe you need to take some time off... Can you go away for a few days with family or friends. I found that when I'm in a vicious circle of negative thinking and sadness, it REALLY helps to take a step back. Not really in your relationship, but in your life. It's good for you to be somewhere else for a while, away from the home that you cry in and feel sad in. Take your mind off of things! It might even be good to not have contact with your SO for the days your away. Really take time for yourself.
          I believe that being strong enough for an LDR starts with yourself (is that cliché? it's true!).
          It starts with being happy, content, positive and confident with yourself.

          Don't focus too much on 'him helping you through a difficult time', cause really all he can do is talk with you and listen to you.
          He can't hold you when you're sad and he can't make your problems go away. You have to do it yourself!

          I really reccomend to go someplace for a few days, focus on yourself, get away from your daily routine.
          When you have created calmness in your head, you will be strong enough for your relationship.
          If two people love each other, things will work out and eventually you will look back at this moment and you will be glad it's over
          Also. Try and make him stuff. I don't know if you're creative??? But it always makes me feel really close to him when I make him a drawing, when I write an 'open when' letter, when I make him photo's. If you really get into that stuff, it's almost like you're doing something together. It makes the time pass quicker and it makes it hurt less.

          Good luck!

          Comment

            #6
            I do get up early, but I know I am sleeping to escape. I really don't have any hobbies or interests anymore, and taking anything on is just going to require me to spend money. Spending time with friends doesn't interest me, I simply am not happy enough to want to be around anyone. I don't want to be asked about my relationship, and to be told "oh, long distance? I couldn't do it" or told that I would be better off meeting someone in my city. We do have regular contact, we text daily, and Skype every week or every other week. But, it's just not enough. I love him, but it's not working for me anymore.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by standingoutsidethefire View Post
              I do get up early, but I know I am sleeping to escape. I really don't have any hobbies or interests anymore, and taking anything on is just going to require me to spend money. Spending time with friends doesn't interest me, I simply am not happy enough to want to be around anyone. I don't want to be asked about my relationship, and to be told "oh, long distance? I couldn't do it" or told that I would be better off meeting someone in my city. We do have regular contact, we text daily, and Skype every week or every other week. But, it's just not enough. I love him, but it's not working for me anymore.
              The new Miss U article addresses this issue and I agree with her advice. I don't know enough about your relationship, but perhaps you should focus on closing the distance or planning a visit. I know it is hard, but you can find a way to hold on. I would recommend exercising or talking to someone.

              Comment

                #8
                To me, right now, it doesn't sound like you feel like working on it actively.
                We give you advise and make suggestions about what you could do, but you turn them all down.
                All we can do is give you advise. But if YOU are the one that needs to get out of this depression.
                You can't sit around passively and wait untill the problems just go over or wait till someone else makes the problems go away.
                Because that won't happen.
                If it's not working for you, end it.
                If you want to work on it, try to be open to the suggestions we make and try to work on it.
                Or go and see a doctor or talk to a professional.

                I'm sorry if I come across blunt, but this is how I see it.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Avoiding friends and hobbies is serious, you sound very dark. How do you imagine your life will be if your break off the relationship? What could change for the better?
                  I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                  - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                  "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                  Comment

                    #10
                    It would be painful to break off the relationship, but it's painful already, just being in it. It's no fault of his, it's just the distance, and I wonder if maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Breaking it off would mean we could both find someone in our own area, to have that person who can be there for us in all the ways we need, we could have something normal. Truthfully, I don't have any desire to be in a relationship. I don't need a guy in my life. I would like him in my life...but I can't have that.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      It sounds like you've made a decision.
                      Breaking up is never easy. Never.
                      But if you feel like you have to do it, do it.

                      Comment

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